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Parenting

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Original poster

Swearing as discipline

41 replies

Jademumof2beauties · 09/02/2017 21:48

I'm new on here and I'm looking for opinions. We have two children DS 6 and DD2. My partner will call our DS a variety of abusive names when he is not behaving. These will include things like "you fucking idiot" "you tit" "are you thick" "dumbarse" and the list goes on! It's very upsetting for me and I think it's abusive I have tried to talk to my partner about this and have suggested different approaches to his discipline but he doesn't see the problem? Our DS doesn't get upset in terms of crying but you can see that it hurts him. He tends to go in on himself and squirm and whinge all the more. I wouldn't exactly say he is naughty but a typical six year old who pushes boundaries and wants things done for him. I'm not the perfect parent but I do the whole time out to reflect and then explain why I'm upset and why it was wrong then we move on or I take away his priveledges. My partner says that my way is "pathetic"

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NotInMyBackYard1 · 09/02/2017 22:56

He knows they are wrong
Yes. Exactly. So why don't you know?Why doesn't his pathetic excuse for a Dad know?

HerOtherHalf · 09/02/2017 22:57

Either he cannot control his temper or he has no concept of appropriate behaviour towards children or a mix of the two. Whichever, he has no place with children and if he is unwilling to get help, and filly commit to it, I don't see that you have any option other than to remove him from the equation.

mumof2beautifuls · 09/02/2017 23:03

Confusedcod what do you mean by that?

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mumof2beautifuls · 09/02/2017 23:04

Podgeonpost I changed my name as I didn't want to include my first name that's all

Ohyesiam · 09/02/2017 23:05

That is in no easy discipline, it's emotional abuse. How can anyone think it's ok to swear at a 6 year old like that.
You job here is to protect your child. Tell him if he does it again , you are leaving. He doesn't need to see what you mean, he Just needs to stop. Show him this thread to give him some perspective.

How could you have children with a man like that?

ConfusedCod · 09/02/2017 23:05

mumof2beautifuls

Premature posting. I was going to fix it for you.

mumof2emotionalluabusedbeautifulswhoIwontprotectevercuzidontwanttobelonely.

Ta da.

Pigeonpost · 09/02/2017 23:05

You need to report your thread to MNHQ then and get them to amend it. It's confusing now and against the rules to name change on your own thread.

Pigeonpost · 09/02/2017 23:07

But all that aside, your DP is a twat. No-one should call a child those names. It's worrying that you even have to ask.

mumof2beautifuls · 09/02/2017 23:08

Thank you guys. I am protecting my child I am trying to stop the abusive and have given an ultimatum of it stops or we leave! It's not like I'm encouraging it and clapping along and laughing when he does this! I find it absolutely heartbreaking that he thinks it's acceptable. It's not! I do always stop it immediately. I would never ever put my son in any sort of danger and the nature of my post was to clarify that I'm right in what I'm saying that it is abuse.

mumof2beautifuls · 09/02/2017 23:09

Pigeonpost wow thanks for that

Jellybean85 · 09/02/2017 23:15

I work In social care, I'll make it simple, as pp said it is not discipline at all it's abusive and damaging.
Your partner is abusing your child and you are not stopping him.
I know it sounds blunt but you need to hear it!
You say you're protecting him and trying to explain to your partner but you are not doing enough to protect your babies at all.
If social care become involved locally and they think you can't/won't protect your children there's a good chance they won't live with you anymore be strong and do what's right. Don't wait any longer

mumof2beautifuls · 09/02/2017 23:19

Confusedcod I'm not scared of being lonely, and if you read my other comments you will see that I will be leaving.

mumof2beautifuls · 09/02/2017 23:21

Thank you jellybean puts everything into prospective.

Jellybean85 · 09/02/2017 23:28

It probably seems like everyone is coming down on you like a ton of bricks. But you are looking for help albeit in the wrong places Internet forums.
Tomorrow have a look for some real help, women's aid maybe, or social services or ask nursery/school to sign post you.
Tell a friend in rl and see what advice they give.
You've realised it's wrong. Think of your kids grown up in the future, remembering how their Dad used to behave.
You can choose to be the person who let them down or the one who stood up to protect them

mumof2beautifuls · 09/02/2017 23:31

Jellybean I've never been on anything like this before so wasn't sure what to expect. I now see it maybe wasn't the wisest decision. I'm meeting up with a friend tomorrow after work and will look at other means of sharing this god awful situation. Your advice is much appreciated

Jellybean85 · 09/02/2017 23:35

Happy To help, hopefully the unanimous response of the wise mumsnet army helps you realise how wrong it is.
You obviously see that now, your 2beautifuls will give you strength to do the right thing.
Also you might think she doesn't notice at 2 but there's a lot research and evidence that living in a house with shouting and abusive language is damaging from birth (and in the womb) so it's
Affecting them both
Good luck with it

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