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Parenting

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Original poster

Is it ok to leave toddler for an overnight away?

25 replies

MadameEdam · 07/02/2017 21:42

Hi there, this might sound a bit daft but I would really love to hear some anecdotal evidence from other mums who have experienced something similar. I have been invited on a two day/one night trip away with friends that I would really love to go on, however I feel so guilty about leaving my 16 month old toddler behind. I would see him in the morning, then he'd be with my husband throughout the day (he settles him at night anyway), and then he'd be with my mum the next day (who he is very close to), until I return in the evening. He was breastfed until about two weeks ago but he is completely fine with being off then ready now. I think that it's all in my head as I do have a tendency to take too much on, but I keep thinking that as his "primary caregiver" my LO would feel like I have abandoned him. I am worried that I will do him some kind of permanent damage or that he will react differently to me upon my return. Am I just being silly? I really could do with the break, it's been such a difficult two years with being a new mum and dealing with the death of my father on top of that. Thanks so much. Any advice would be very gratefully appreciated.

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Nan0second · 07/02/2017 21:44

Enjoy your weekend away. It will be good for you to have some time as a lone adult and toddler will be fine!
You're not leaving toddler alone but with people who love them and who will care for them perfectly!

nobodysnogslikejoebloggs · 07/02/2017 21:46

Yes of course it is! Go and enjoy yourself. You're leaving him with his dad, not some random. Women go on work trips and leave their kids with the dads all the time.

Oblomov17 · 07/02/2017 21:46

Please, you aren't serious, right? Really? Of course he'll be ok. Go and enjoy.

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justinelibertine · 07/02/2017 21:47

I left mine at this age for 3 nights. She was fine but at just turned 2 she'd be horrified at me going.
Get gone and have a good time!

Brown76 · 07/02/2017 21:47

Yes he will be fine. It's a big milestone for you, but enjoy it!

bummymummy77 · 07/02/2017 21:48

To be honest I wouldn't. I haven't left ds yet and he's 3.5. If you want to do it if you'll just feel awful don't.

bookworm14 · 07/02/2017 21:48

He'll be fine! DH and I left DD overnight with my parents for two nights when she was 16 months. She had a great time. Enjoy your night out!

Normandy144 · 07/02/2017 21:49

Yes you are being silly. Your child will be fine. Go and enjoy and please don't worry.

Mabelface · 07/02/2017 21:50

Just do it. It's one night, he'll have fun and so will you.

LaContessaDiPlump · 07/02/2017 21:53

He will be fine. You will be fine. Off you pop!

ChocolateHelps · 07/02/2017 21:55

You know when you are ready to enjoy a longer stretch of time away. If the thought of it makes you worried and anxious then pretty likely you'll feel just the same or worse when away. When you're ready you'll skip off out the door for sure!!

GemmaB78 · 07/02/2017 21:56

I'll be doing something similar in May fir my hen-do. DS will be 20 months, and will enjoy a lads weekend with his Dad. Personally, I can't wait! I love DS dearly but am very much looking forward to the break!

Your LO will be fine. Enjoy!

Cynara · 07/02/2017 21:58

Do it! He'll have a lovely time and so will you. This weekend my 2 yo DS will be staying with (and being spoilt rotten by) his auntie and uncle while his father and I get completely drunk at a wedding. We'll all have a lovely time and no one will be traumatised. The first time is the worst. Get it over with and you'll be absolutely fine.

GrassIsJewelled · 07/02/2017 22:01

It is completely okay! Enjoy your weekend away

Wondermoomin · 07/02/2017 22:01

You will both be fine

You might find you feel anxious for the first little while, then you feel like you're really enjoying the freedom, then you find you're missing them and getting excited to see them again. Yes, all that for one night away. Enjoy it

nuttyknitter · 07/02/2017 22:02

My DGD was a terrible sleeper. When my DD went back to work I looked after my DGD for two days a week - initially staying at their house (I live an hour's drive away) - and at 18 months I began taking her back to mine overnight so her poor parents could have one unbroken nights sleep a week. She's massively better now, but we've stuck with the arrangement and it's never been a problem.

Ragwort · 07/02/2017 22:05

Of course it's alright, why on earth wouldn't you leave a child with his own father ?

I think it is massively disrespectful/martyrish to assume that a dad can't look after his own child, no wonder so many fathers feel alienated from their own families.

uhoh2016 · 07/02/2017 22:09

He will be fine enjoy your weekend

StorminaBcup · 07/02/2017 22:11

The one and only time I have been away from ds1 was around this age. I was expected to be welcomed back with lots of cuddles and clingyness, in reality he barely looked up from his dinner. He's 3 now and goes into tantrum mode if I go to the shops without him!

Don't overthink it! Take the chance to escape while you can

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 07/02/2017 22:15

He will be totally fine, it takes a village to raise a child and all that.

I wanted my dd to have close catchments to other people, its important I think. She has gone on a weeks holiday with her Grandmother every summer since she was 2.5yo, no obvious damage done (she is nearly 11yo now) but lots of memories made that will last a lifetime

Original poster

MadameEdam · 07/02/2017 23:19

Thank you very much, everyone. Your replies have been seriously helpful and have put my mind at ease. I think that being at home all the time with him has left me going in circles, second guessing everything! A bit of perspective is a wonderful thing. And I certainly trust my husband with his child! I didn't mean to infer that I was worried about or thought he'd be an inadequate care giver! Far from it. This is more about my own issues than any of his! Being a stay at home mum can mean that you live in a bit of a surreal echo chamber sometimes, it's good to break out once in a while. :)

OP posts:

Cynara · 08/02/2017 21:29

Good for you for taking the feedback on board, it can be so hard to have any kind of perspective when you're so close to the situation. I hope you decide to go, and that you have a lovely time. It's a big step but will be so good for your confidence in leaving your DC in future.

triskele · 08/02/2017 21:32

He'll be fine!
Have fun.

Tatlerer · 08/02/2017 21:38

Here we go again- OP you'll have people saying that they couldn't wait for a night off as quickly as possible and others that say they can't think of anything worse. That's the point though- it's all about you and your hopes/fears and naff all to do with the children who if left in the care of loved ones will make no judgment of you at all! So-if you want to go away and think you will enjoy it (punctuated by periods of missing him deeply of course) then go for it

ElleDubloo · 08/02/2017 23:52

I had to start leaving my DD when she was 10 months old, because I went back to work, and due to the nature of my work there are sometimes clumps of long shifts/nights when I don't see my DD during waking hours for several days on end.

It's hard, and I've been in tears several times due to missing her. She's found it hard at times too. But she's gotten used to it, and it had to be done.

It didn't do her any harm, and I'm still her favourite person in the world. But TBH I wouldn't choose to be away from her for any reason other than work.

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