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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I expecting too much? Was I mean?

47 replies

SerialReJoiner · 03/02/2017 14:24

DS is in yr 7 and I give him £10/week for school dinners. I've also made it clear that he is welcome to make a sandwich or bring extra food from home to top up his lunches - we have plenty of snacks and fruit/veg available, with containers to use.

Just as I was dropping him at school this morning he rushes back to the car to ask me to make him a lunch to bring back to school today, as he has overspent this week.

I had the time to do this, but I told him this was his responsibility and he would just have to cope.

I feel really mean about it, but I also think I have provided ample opportunity to feed himself. He had time this morning before we left to grab a bagel or whatever. Should I have left him to it, or brought him a sandwich?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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YouHadMeAtCake · 03/02/2017 15:36

*are not aren't

Original poster

SerialReJoiner · 03/02/2017 15:41

Well, just as an update, I collected him from school with a few snacks, and apologised for being a bit short with him this morning and said I felt bad about him not getting a lunch today. He wasn't fussed, and said he wasn't actually hungry today.

As I said, the school themselves have told me that £2/day is plenty (we live Up North, if that makes any difference), and the entire kitchen is at his disposal to bring extra food along. It's not like I expect him to subsist on only what he can buy at the school canteens.

We'll have a chat this weekend about maybe setting up a specific stash of snacks he can take into school during the week.

OP posts:

Deux · 03/02/2017 15:44

I think it is a little bit mean but it's done now. I think having some contingencies is a good idea as a PP suggested. So spare change in the car. Perhaps have some food that he can grab easily from home too to supplement. And remind him too.

At DS's school £2 a day wouldn't get you a main meal. My DS spends about £4 - £5 a day at school if he gets something at break too. But our system is thumb print recognition and we top up online and can also see what food has been purchased.

Are you sure £2 is really enough? I'd be really worried that he isn't getting enough sustenance.

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SaorAlbaGuBrath · 03/02/2017 16:07

Fwiw £10 up here (Scottish central belt) gets 4 days school dinners so I don't think it's a ridiculous amount, and as you said OP, he's got access to a kitchen full of food at home.

Deathraystare · 04/02/2017 11:23

I would check in case the reason he ran out of money is because he is getting it pinched?

I guess he is not old enough to go out of school lunchtime to the chippy like the older kids do.

Original poster

SerialReJoiner · 04/02/2017 14:19

It's a fingerprint system. He hasn't overspent in a while; he bought a hot meal that was spicier than he realised so bought extra drinks. He told me that most of the meals are £1.50 ish. Or at least the ones he is willing to eat.

OP posts:

uhoh2016 · 05/02/2017 03:03

I'd of took him a sandwich in I couldn't of rested all day knowing my child was going hungry just because I wanted to teach him a lesson about managing his money and time better. He's growing lad going 7 hours without something to eat must have been awful for him and more than likely disrupted his concentration on his school work. He's only in y7 still learning with extra responsibility that come with going to high school . So yes I think you were mean. Poor kid.
You could have took him some lunch and given a lecture at the same time. It's ok saying he had all morning and night before to tell you but he's an 11yo boy his mind is full of football minecraft and his mates they don't generally think so far ahead about meals unfortunately

wowfudge · 05/02/2017 06:14

All the more reason to teach him a lesson then uhoh and the OP has already posted that he told her he hadn't been hungry.

Berthatydfil · 05/02/2017 06:50

Where I live the free school meal allowance is £1.90 for primary and £2.50 for secondary. So I do think you are being a bit mean.

00100001 · 05/02/2017 07:02

Tonly give him £2 every day

See if there is a parent pay or squid or similar. Charge it up yourself.

Also ask the school if there is a way to "ration" the money automatically.

If not give him £2 a day.

00100001 · 05/02/2017 07:03

As for the extra drinks for spicymeals . He can take a water bottle in save him having to buy them

uhoh2016 · 05/02/2017 09:34

wow he's 11 he's a child

RueDeDay · 05/02/2017 09:41

uhoh he's a child, who needs to learn to budget, to plan, to think ahead. Those skills come with practise, not by being babied because kids 'can't think ahead'.

OP I think you did the right thing. Being asked to take appropriate responsibility, failing, and suffering the (pretty minimal) consequences are how you learn. A couple of hours of hunger will do far more to make him plan ahead next time than you bailing him out would have.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 05/02/2017 09:47

I know every one said that £2 a day should be enough but my dinners were about £2.50 a day 15 -20 years ago :/

Rainatnight · 05/02/2017 09:48

I don't have a child of that age yet but j wonder if you're a teensy bit hard on him.

When you say He once lost the £10 note between the drop off point and the credit top up kiosk thing in school, so there is slight tension between us regarding lunch money....

He's an 11 year old boy, in what's still a relatively new environment that makes loads of different demands than primary school.

Is losing a tenner really a reason for 'tension'?

BitOutOfPractice · 05/02/2017 09:54

Hi op.

I have a very flaky dd. Always forgetting stuff. With me trailing behind picking up the pieces e.g. Rushing up to school with forgotten kit / lunch / homework, or rushing round helping her finish a project last minute.

Occasionally I have made her face the consequences of the flakiness too. She gets very distressed at that.

The long age the short of it is that neither approach has made any difference. She's still flaky. I end up feeling grumpy if I help, guilty if I don't.

I'm not sure how useful that was. Apart from saying that I know how you feel and that you are not done kind of monster for trying to get your dc to buck up a bit.

00100001 · 05/02/2017 11:05

blahblah OP has said that his meals are £1.50, the school has confirmed that £2 a day is right. so £10 is more than enough

notarehearsal · 05/02/2017 11:20

Ten years ago I was giving my DS £4 a day at that age. He would walk half the way to school and usually catch a bus rest of the way at 50p. This was his choice so he would have money left for not only a lunch but could choose to buy crap too if he chose to. ( he did admit a few years ago that once he was 16 he'd often walk all the way and spend the money on fags mind you!) I personally don't think £2 is enough money for a yr 7. They are usually only justcstarting to learn how to make budgeting choices and will need to make some mistakes. In an ideal world a child would buy a nutritious lunch for his money. In reality they also need to fit in and will, for a period of time, spend some of the money on mars bars and Coke.

Original poster

SerialReJoiner · 05/02/2017 13:55

Everyone's household budget is different. I can't easily afford another tenner if he loses it. I wish I could top up his account myself but the charging point is inside the school building.

He gets pocket money outside of school dinner money.

I have taken on board some of what's been said here, and I appreciate other people's points of view, but please at least take time to read my other responses before piling on the criticism! This isn't aibu.

OP posts:

00100001 · 05/02/2017 14:29

Why are people coming on her to say £2 a day is not enough... When the OP has confirmed SEVERAL TIMES that the school AND the son say meals are £2 or less???

00100001 · 05/02/2017 14:30

Ask the school about topping up and daily budgets. It's pretty standard.

teaforbreakfast · 05/02/2017 14:32

Kids forget things. By all means give him a stern lecture, even make him make emergency rations or whatever but I do think making an eleven year old skip lunch is

What point were you trying to prove? My mum was making me sandwiches until my mid teens. I was perfectly capable of making my own lunch of course but she liked doing it.

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