How does it change you

[cleowasmycat]

Ongoing discussion with male friend of mine. He has a four year old daughter and insists he hasn't changed since having her and never will. I say once you become a mother you completely change but I can put my finger on exactly how! Any opinions?

I think I'm much less selfish since having my son as he doesn't allow me to be. Little things that were me things now seem unimportant and the ones that are still usually get steamrollered by his needs. I'm also so tired I feel old now and I no longer recognise the body I occupy. It's not all bad though I'm wiser, no longer suffer BS and I'm less scared of my own abilities. I think if you haven't changed after having kids that's kinda sad. Who wants to admit to not growing/evolving as a person?

I'd say I changed aswell as my priorities. I was very happy go lucky person but anxiety kicked in after a v prem birth. Made me realise I'm not immune from stuff happening and that life is fragile. Realised how vulnerable I was because loving and losing something so precious is the scariest thing

That's a typical man thing to say. Selfish.
Us women do change. It's the guilt I have. Guilt I wasn't working enough to bring money in. Guilt I wasn't at home enough with the kids. Guilt over decisions you make about things you let them or don't let them do. The list is endless.

I'm a lot less patient than I used to be, I blame sleep deprivation mostly. I put more pressure on myself than I ever used to, mothers guilt and all that. I'm comfortable in myself now though, something I never ever was before.

My parents say they've seen a huge change in me since I've had my lg, I'm more patient, caring and less stressed. Obviously priorities change, my passion is also horses and thanks to my mum I'm able to ride once a week but I actually can't wait to get home to my daughter

I think it had made me much more selfless as have had to put my baby's needs before mine since he was born (and during pregnancy I guess). I'm happy to do that because I love him so much and he's the most important thing in my life.

Definitely don't sweat the small stuff as much as before as I guess I know now what is important in life.

Also feel more focused as someone else commented - such little time to get stuff done (e.g. Diy, housework) you have to concentrate on it when you have opportunities!

My husbands life has changed (lack of time to pursue leisure activities, tired, less lie ins, less time with me, less money!) but definitely not as much as mine as he's been going to work and leading an 'ordinary' life there whilst I've been on mat leave breastfeeding, being vomited on, trying to get the baby to nap, getting up during the night and basically on shift 24/7.

I think it possibly changed dh more than me. He is tougher, more confident, more focused, I think he feels better about himself because he knows he has coped with something really tough.