Why don't I want want another baby?

[Jsy123]

Hi, I'm a ftm. My lo is 18 months. I had two heartbreaking miscarriages before I had him and suffered terrible anxiety while pregnant. When he was born though, it was like a weight lifted from me and I just fell in love with him and with being a mother.

I actually found being a mother easier than expected. I'd been so anxious in my pregnancy that sleepless nights due to a hungry baby were a breeze compared to sleepless nights worrying while I was pregnant.

My lo has been an easy baby. He is laid back, has a loving and wonderful temperament. He also is a great sleeper - goes to bed at 7.30pm and sleeps through about 13 hours. Most mornings I have to wake him!

So I've longed for a baby, had a healthy baby, loved every minute so why? Why? Why? Don't I want another? Based on how much I love my lo I can't understand why I don't want 10 more!

My dh wants another. We've agreed to talk seriously about it towards the end of this year. Still plenty of time to change my mind I know but I have this gut feeling that it's not going to.

Anyone in a similar position? Anyone had another despite not 'feeling it'? What happened? My dh is so confused, he sees how much I adore my lo and just can't understand why I wouldn't want another and I have to say, I don't know how to explain it either.

Lazyb0nes - thanks for the reply. You're right, there is no rush. I think it may be a mistake putting a timer for the end of the year as it's making me feel pressured. Maybe we should just leave it open for any time and to take the pressure off.

BeetieBotts - thanks for taking the time to reply. I think going with my gut is good advice

SaltySeaBird - thanks for your reply. Reassuring to hear your story and how having a second lo has worked out so well. Hopefully if we do choose that route we'll have a similar outcome!

Whatsername17 - thanks for your reply. That's exactly what my mother says! Lo is still a baby and that I might change my mind when he's in nursery / school. I'm open to the possibility and in a way hope that happens as dh would be happy and I wouldn't feel guilty about just wanting one!

Chinnygirl - thanks for your reply. Lovely to hear that you are so close to your cousins. I hope my lo can have that kind of closeness with his cousins regardless of what happens in terms of having a sibling.

Phoolani - thanks for your reply. I do hear the age gap thing quite a bit but like you I don't think it matters. I'm 1 of 4 with a variety of age gaps and we all get along just fine.

MovingForwardSlowley - thanks for your replies and support. Agree about age gaps although people do say to me 'have another soon so they can be close'!!! I am obviously ignoring them lol!

You sound like you're being really thoughtful about your decision. There was a time I obsessively researched positives and negatives of having siblings and found that only children get v similar outcomes as oldest child, but can sometimes struggle with conflict, although I have to say my daughter has no problem getting her voice heard! She is also very sociable and confident. She can make a best friend in any situation and is a happy child, took to school no problem. If you've got cousins close it's even better.

I think what finally made me realise was when looking at the baby stuff we had kept became depressing as it just felt like unnecessary clutter. Also we did come off contraception to see what happened and I was glad when it was nothing! I think after the difficulties conceiving I just want to enjoy every moment with my little girl and it gets easier and easier.

You have got plenty of time. There's a lovely thread on one-child families on mn if you ever want cheering up. Although if you change you mind, I'm sure that's great too. Good luck!

There's nothing wrong with not wanting another child. I'm an only child and I had a wonderful childhood, so don't even worry about the "not having a sibling" nonsense.

Aquamarine - thanks for your reply. Feedback like that makes me feel much more relaxed! Thank you!

Armsandtheman - thanks. It's good to hear your experience. Your lo sounds like a sociable and friendly child. I feel like my lo could be that way too. Will have to wait and see how things pan out!

I feel the same. Love my DD, no desire for a 2nd. DH has a son already so she still gets a sibling regardless. We're seeing how we feel in 2-3 years.