what discipline do you use with a 20mth old

[TLV]

my dd is starting to play up (as children do )and I refuse to go down the smacking route, we are trying to use the naughty step but as she is so young she thinks its a game so I wondered whats the best course of action (I hate shouting as my mum used to do that with me and my sisters. We tell her not to do something and she goes and does it again and laughs, do we ignore her? but by doing that is it saying that its acceptable what she is doing

Tbh I don't think you can 'discipline' a 20mo. She is far too young for the naughty step (whether one agrees with it or not). At this age (IME) they are still exploring things and not 'playing up' - one of those things being the effects of particular actions on you!

ds is 21 months. Depending on the situation, we will use one of three tactics: a) ignore; b) say 'no' firmly and repeat ad infinitum; c) remove from situation (e.g. when he might otherwise endanger himself). He has a tantrum every now and then - we either ignore, distract or pick him up and hold him until he's calmed down. It almost always blows over very quickly.

Btw, ignoring is not saying it is acceptable - it is refusing attention. Attention, both positive and negative, tends to act as a reinforcer.

I totally agree with Berolina.

Your DD's still a baby really learning and exploring she needs guidance rather than discipline at the moment.

At this age they are so tiny and formal discipline is really inappropriate. Prevention followed by distraction is the best course IMO, or a calm and gentle correction (ie "be gentle" if she is being rough). If something has gone really wrong (I mean really dangerous or unacceptable behaviour, not mischief or silliness) removing her from the scene of the "crime" (take her away from the toys or other people for a moment while you speak to her) and a talk explaining that the behaviour is not allowed, will get the message through.

Showing her the right way to behave and helping her get over her frustrations and disappointments, will pay off in the long run.

reward positive behaviour with lots of positive attention and praise.... ignore negative behaviour....

I also agree with berolina except on the point about ignoring - refusing attention is a punitive act IMO and not appropriate as a routine means of discipline for a young child.

Oh yes - pick your battles. I might not be overly keen on ds pulling all the newspapers out of the magazine rack, but it's not the end of the world, so I let him get on with it. He has a habit of pulling his books off the shelves and walking on them, and I'll go to him and say something like 'books are special, we don't walk on books'. If he then doesn't walk on them, he gets loads of praise.

ah franny, we won't do it as routine (I see that's the way my post came over, a bit) - only if it is appropriate to the situation, i.e. we can see that intervening would be a bad idea. If he is a little upset because we stopped him ripping up a book, for example, we might be able to ignore and he will calm himself down very quickly. If the upset continues or increases, I'll first attempt to distract, then just hold him until he's calmer.