So fed up of my baby

[FedUpofMyBaby]

NC for this as I'm ashamed but need help too. I have a 9 week old DD, she's my second baby I have a 4 year old DS. Since she was born she has done nothing but cry pretty much constantly. She will only sleep when held, if I put her down I get 10 mins and then she's awake screaming again. I can't take it much more. DH works 6-6 through the week and Saturday mornings so not too bad but I still feel at the end of my rope. I can barely do anything with my 4 year old as I am constantly holding the baby, her crying is monotonous. She has had colic and we have changed her milk which did help. I just don't know what to do I'm utterly miserable and wish I could just walk out and never come back. I have parents who live nearby and I see them every day but they don't offer me a break ever, they help out with her but while I'm there, I need a break away from her it's not much of a break when I'm still in the same room. She won't take a dummy, I've tried a sling which she hates as she gets too hot, she will sleep in her pram but as soon as it stops she wakes up screaming. I know there's not much I can do until she just eventually grows older and more settled I'm just losing the will to live. Any advice ?

Sorry Pacificdogwod, I should have mentioned that we attend a cranial osteopath who has 14 years experience with newborns. While it is based on scientific research dating back decades, I'd tend to agree with you that it can be completely hit and miss, thank goodness we got lucky. He released tension in her stomach and her reflux had dramatically reduced within hours of our first appointment. Just hope OP can make use of some of the tips here xx

Sorry Pacificdogwod, I should have mentioned that we attend a cranial osteopath who has 14 years experience with newborns. While it is based on scientific research dating back decades, I'd tend to agree with you that it can be completely hit and miss, thank goodness we got lucky. He released tension in her stomach and her reflux had dramatically reduced within hours of our first appointment. Just hope OP can make use of some of the tips here xx

Not much to add here but in regards to the swing/bouncer idea being to expensive have a look on Facebook selling sites in your area or on gumtree. I got my 7 week olds swing for £20 and with a quick wash of the cover and a wipe of the frame it's as good as new. My daughter loves it and when she starts colicy crying is the only thing that will settle her. I know not all babies love them but might be worth a try and you can always sell it back on on a selling site if not or when they outgrow it for the price you paid so you don't lose anything.

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. I'm going to change her milk today to the reflux one and see if that improves any, if not I'm going to look into the chiropractor idea. She spent the whole evening and most of the night crying again so I'm a zombie this morning so apologies I haven't written a longer reply to everyone.

Could be reflux,how long did you try the gaviscon for? There's something else they can prescribe too. Back to GP before osteopaths!

It sounds rotten - I was going to suggest a cranial osteopath as it has really helped a few people I know.
Please don't leave baby in a cot alone to cry as a pp suggested , she's far too small

My second Dd was just like this. I used to cry with exhaustion.

That sounds dreadful.

My health visitor told me to change nappy, feed her then put her in cot upstairs with room door open then go and get a cup of tea and put on some headphones and listen to music or tv.
Check every 5 mins if you can still hear crying then she's ok (she's not in any harm)
If she's quiet sneak a look tho see if she's settled. But leave her if she still crying.
Eventually she will get into routine of being fed and put down to slept for a while so you can get some rest to.
It worked for me once I stopped feeling guilty about the crying.

A 9 week old baby by rights should still be in its mother's womb. All human babies are born 3 months premature and crave womb conditions for this period. So hearing mum's heartbeat and tummy noises, fed on demand and cuddled snugly. Cries are for a reason and should be responded to. The aim during that period should be to recreate those conditions as closely as possible, not to do the exact opposite and try to teach a newborn - who doesn't have the neural development to self settle even if it wanted to. That's plain cold abandonment and your HV should be ashamed of herself for suggesting that.

OMG OP, I have sooo been there. When DD was 15 months old (and DS was 4) and i actually thought I was going to die, a lady in the swimming pool changing rooms suggested cranial osteopathy. I was that desperate, I thought I'd try it. Very sceptical, but I read up just about enough science to convince me. First session was early in the morning. DD slept in the car home (she'd never slept in the car) and only woke up once that night. Her slept and general settled ness improved slowly. It's worth a shot.

we attend a cranial osteopath who has 14 years experience with newborns. While it is based on scientific research dating back decades

Is it?!

Sounds like reflux or dairy allergy if she's crying in pain constantly. Ask you gp about dairy free formula to trial

By all means explore all medical options.
If you want to try dairy free please speak to your doctor about prescribed (hydrolysed) formula, don't switch to soy milk without medical advice.

Also, and that was the main point of my first long post, be aware that some babies are very fraught.
DS1 cried for the first year of his life, I am not kidding.
He got better the more he was capable of doing for himself.
He was treated for reflux, we tried several milks, every colic treatment under the sun, cranial osteopathy, he was referred to paeds.... in the end, he literally had to grow out of it. And he did

The only thing that helped (him and me) was to accept that he needed to be held all of the time and that is were a sling became vital for me.
I cannot state enough quite hoe much The Fussy Baby Book helped me to understand that I was not alone, I was not doing anything wrong and that there was nothing necessarily wrong with my baby.

Speak to your/his GP and I hope you find something that helps.

Have also been there! I second the poster who suggested local buying/selling sites. Do you have the jack&jill markets near you? Also 'recreating' womb environment, use white noise or womb sound app. Easily got for free on YouTube or have a search for Ewen the dream sheep toy.

Another one horrified by Patricia's HV's 'advice' and that you actually did what she suggested. Congratulations! Your baby developed learned helplessness and that you don't respond to her needs.

Fucking barbaric, especially if gastric discomfort was the cause of the crying.

A baby is not a digestive tract. Fed at one end and clean at the other does not mean 'needs met'. A baby's need to be held is as vital as everything else.

Ignore them Patricia

Please don't leave baby in a cot alone to cry as a pp suggested , she's far too small

I wouldn't dream of following that HVs advice on teaching a newborn to self-settle.

But it's OK to have a 'sanity break' every once in a while when you leave the room to take some deep breathes, have a cry, punch something, whatever helps you keep it together. And if you have more than one DC sometimes you have to prioritise the older one. This is all 100% fine - needs must and a few minutes left to cry here and there won't harm them, it's just not something I would ever see as means to 'fix' them!

Patricia can ignore us all she likes, Time. She's done what she's done. As long as everybody else reading this, active or lurking, knows that is a completely unacceptable way of managing a crying newborn baby. She shouldn't be coming on here and giving it as 'advice' unless she's telling us how shit her HV was to tell her to do that.

My HV advocated the 'sanity' time, but absolutely would be horrified but this suggestion of leaving to cry like that. As far as I'm aware, they don't learn to 'self settle' just that there is no response in their time of need. I may be being dramatic with that analogy but is how I feel.

Op, I feel for you
Do you have a Children's Centre near you? They might have some different types of slings you can try & then rent, they may have electric rockers too if it's a big one. Not sure if it's the same UK wide, but health visitors & nursery nurses are also based at my Children's Centre & hold walk in clinics for exactly the issues you are having.
Failing that; can you take yourselves to a trusted friend (if not your parents) & let it all out? If I was your friend I would probably be contacting your DH & parents to say this is going on Fedup is at rock bottom and you need to pull your fingers out!

Baby massage can very very effective in calming colicky babies.

Reading your post takes me back, my dd is now 12 but was another that cried all the time if not being held or fed. It's really tough, I remember feeling like that too.
We had 2 sessiosns of Cranial sacral therapy, I have to say it really helped, she started sleeping much better, and seemed much happier in herself. I went to someone who specialised in babies.

Btw, OP your DH & parents are being arseholes by scoffing at your chiropractor suggestion and not offering any other suggestions or help. It's really easy to be so aloof when it's not actually your problem.
Try whatever you want to try, you don't need permission, because it's obviously down to you to sort it. You need to vent and breakdown to someone sympathetic in RL though.

Thanks again everyone. I won't be following the advice to leave my DD crying in her room, no matter how fed up I am of her I never leave her to cry I couldn't do that to her. I am booked to go to The Sling Library on Saturday to get fitted for a sling that works for us both, Im hoping this will offer some relief. I do have a swing chair which she likes for about 20 mins, I do keep an eye out for the Babacush chair which is made for colic/reflux but no-one ever seems to be selling them second hand. My friend is going to have the kids for me all day on Sunday so DH and I can have a break, so excited about that!! I've bought reflux milk this morning and will try that at her next feed. I will read the fussy baby book @pacificdogwood thank you, it would offer me some reassurance I think if it will explain that some babies just need to cry! Failing the reflux milk I will take her to the osteopath, bugger what DH and DM says. Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice, it really did help me yesterday when it was such a horrible dark day for me