Both boys so boisterous I cannot cope

[BotBotticelli]

I have 4yo and 18mo boys and they are driving me mad. I feel completely out of control and I have no idea how to 'tame' them!!!

They are never calm or quiet, they run around chase each other, jump off and over the furniture all the time. They don't seem to have any way of engaging with each other apart from wrestling/rucking/chasing/screaming.

They never sit down and play quietly (the 4omyo still wants/needs pretty much constant input from me in order to play his complex imaginary games with his dinosuars and beasts and action figures - attention that I cannot give him when I have to look after the younger one as well).

They are both at nursery 4 days per week thank god, and the older one will be starting school in September (he has an autumn birthday so will be one of the oldest in his year and I think could have happily gone to school last September which is part of the problem I think - he needs that additional structure/learning now).

But on the days I have them both at home (weekends and one week day) they drive me demented.

DH says we should punish them for behaviours we don't wanna see (constant roaring, shouting, chasing, running, leaping about etc) but I don't know if they're actually being naughty per say - they are just extremely boisterous and silly.

We leave the house by 0930 every single day to go to the park/soft play/playgroups/swimming etc and then have to go out again every day afte the baby's lunchtime nap because they are totally incapable of playing nicely in the house.

They are both fearless and physically reckless - every trip to the smallest park is fraught with anxiety for me as the baby is climbing up equipment aimed at 5yos and the 4yo is dangling off stuff 7ft off the ground aimed at teenagers. I feel like I have to choose which one to save from harm al the time. Should I stop the baby getting taken out by the roundabout, or catch the 4yo when he falls off the top of the slide?

Baby walked at 9.5months (ffs!) and now runs climbs and jumps like a much older toddler.

I am exhausted. I am not enjoying motherhood at all. I am already on Citalopram for anxiety and depression (about this situation).

Can anyone offer any advice/wise words? Will they always be this bonkers??

Introduce a period of quiet time where you look at a a book or even watch tv for 20 mins or listen to a story cd a couple of times a day.
Have some clear rules e.g no jumping on the furniture, we use indoor voices inside.
Praise praise praise when they do something right " well done, you gave the toy to your brother rather than throwing it. That's really helpful I am very pleased with you". Praise at least ten times per day.
A star chart may help with the older one but need to make it very specific so not "being good" but for example "using indoor voices in the house ".
At the park be clear in advance what they can and can't go in eg not the teenager equipment.
In summary, be clear, specific, praise and set expectations in advance. Reward good befahioir.
Good luck

"Introduce a period of quiet time where you look at a a book or even watch tv for 20 mins or listen to a story cd a couple of times a day."

I second this^^ I find Angela Landsbury's blog very useful for advice on how to encourage quiet, independent play.

I really sympathise with you - I have two boys with a three-year gap. They are incredibly active and at around this age had a phase of constantly being all over each other and very physical - it's like they could only relate to each other physically. And the little one would get hurt or they would accidentally be too rough. Please be assured this is a phase and they will grow out of it! It will be much easier when your 18mo is able to play more structured games.

In the meantime, this is what we did that helped:

Lots of time outdoors - playground, take a ball to the park, whatever you can. It sounds like you are doing this and I wouldn't worry too much about safety - keep an eye on the little one, but the big one should be able to manage most playground things on his own, falling off once or twice isn't the end of the world.

Don't feel bad letting them have tv/ ipad when needed at home. Mine would each sit with iPad/ by at that age, and it will give you five mins to yourself. You can also use this as a reward/ sanction for good/ bad behaviour.

Sticker chart for older one as pp said - I would do it for both actually, just to involve the little one, even if he is too young to get it

Have clear rules and stick to them - but also work out what you can live with. E.g. I don't mind mine jumping on the sofa, but not when someone else wants to sit on it!

Don't focus on punishment, focus on consequences. E.g.: "ok, you are running round and not doing what I ask - if you don't calm down and listen to me we can't do X together" - lots of praise where you can, lots of positive motivation

When all else failed I would bung mine in the car and take them to soft play

Good luck, it will pass. X

Also, look after yourself - can your DH regularly take them for a couple of hours on a weekend pm so you can have a complete break?

I've got two boys who are 13 months apart aged 2 and 3 and k fell your pain.
We go out every morning after I've dropped my older two off. I try to do things to tire them out like you!
Then in the afternoon the 3 year old likes to watch a film so I usually put on on and get out something like bricks or Lego or sometimes art and craft stuff (although I hate the mess!)

Yep, you have my total sympathy. Without trying to preach and be 'that mum' look back over their diet. My DC3 was manic and when someone mentioned his sugar intake I was really surprised but it was a wake up call and a miracle cure. He was having raisins on his cereal and a piece of fruit at breakfast plus jam toast. He was having a fruit pouch and more raisins or tomatoes as a snack then lunch was accompanied by more fruit and tomatoes (he loved them) so I changed the raisins to no sugar yoghurt, cucumber and carrot sticks instead of the fruit snacks. It was a revelation and I thought I was so careful and healthy

Will they do something like play doh/sticking stuff on paper if you do it with them? How about other toddler messy play stuff? You do need to get really organised with a washing up basin of warm water and a towel on the floor etc.

I totally sympathise with you, before my older one started school it was a nightmare, they would never tire, we would live in play places, parks, they were always charging around. When the older one started school he did calm down a bit, and I still took the younger one out constantly.
Now they are older it is a little easier, they are both part of football and running clubs, it does get easier but I know how hard and tiring those days are