Is he heartless?

[Beccarollover]

We are in the process of trying to get just over 9mth old DS back into routine after bout of illness - things are going quite well he is just about back on track but have resorted to some controlled crying to get him to settle himself to sleep again.

Anyway, last night when he was crying I was lying there in tears - it was so, so awful listening to him cry. DP turned to me and said "Am I heartless - I dont really feel anything when he is crying like that except feeling irritated" It upset me but I suppose I admire his honesty he said he cant help the way he feels and that he doesnt like himself for it and seemed quite upset that he wasnt upset like me IYKWIM

What do you think?

He is great Dad - loves them both to bits (DD is mine from previous relationship but DP totally accepts her as his own).

i don't think he's heartless, just honest...we all have different reactions to different things, there will inevitably be a time when your DP reacts incredibly sensitively to something that jsut doesn't get to you in the same way. he is obviously a very feeling person to get upset that he doesn't feel the same as you...sounds like a bit of a star to me

did you get my reply email btw?

Think it might be a man thing.

i'm like that in the middel of hte night

I am "bad cop" and dh is " wussy-giving-in-good cop"

I cannot cope with being up int he night. 5 30 am onwards and I am fine

HTH

No! I never got one - did you send it my hotmail addy?

How is your little DD doing? [email protected] - try this one and we can chat on there

Not sure really - although we all react differently to babies crying - one of mine crying and I have to go to them could not leave them under any circumstances (DD nearly 4 and still can;t now!!) but someone elses and sometimes I think aaawwww I'll go and see what the matter is and sometimes I just think please shut up you annoying little brat (ooohhhh major confession there!!) Good thing is I don;t ever have to look after others kids!!

dont start sophabke

you will never get away from her

This morning he commented on how "All heart" I am, so obviously thinks that its me thats too soft as opposed to him being hard

I cant help but get upset by him getting irritated by DS - its only ever at night when he is trying to sleep - any other time he is fine!

Dh is like this. If ds has a wobbler (usually on a long car journey), then I'll be filling up knowing there's nothing I can do whereas dh has switched off to the whole situation. He becomes all closed minded and "logical". I just figured it was a bloke thing. Doesn't make it any easier to handle though

I don't think he's heartless. I think he's brave to be so honest. In fact I think males just aren't wired to respond to crying babies in the same way that women (and especially hormone laden mothers) are. This was very useful when we did controlled crying, as I was a steaming heap of tear soaked mush desperate to give in, despite being half dead through lack of sleep, and dh was "Mr pragmatic"........e.g. Walks back into dd's room, pats dd a couple of times actually says "There, there, we are still here you know" turns on heel and walks out!

Mind you in the case of my dh I'm not sure he's wired to respond to anything which doesn't involve watching someone else play sport!

Good luck - it really is worth it just to feel like a human again.

oh dont worry about it

men and babies ar e weird

He has just texted asking how I am and how DS has slept today and added "Your a diamond, I'm lucky to have you" - bless 'im - he's not a heartless ogre after all!!

oh you old trollop br

Hey Im neither old or trollop'ish - take that back (you old trout)