I'm a bad mum

[HaylJay]

Honestly I feel like such a bad mum.
I'm struggling with depression and anxiety and feel like I'm constantly on the edge of a mental breakdown!! Some days are better than others but just when I think I'm getting the swing of things and coping better I seem to get worse again.
I've tried all sorts to try help, CBT, excercise everyday, i take antidepressants, I get out as much as I can and take my DS to play groups etc but i just can't seem to find something that helps me cope.
I'm a STAH mum my DS is 11 months old and is being harder work than usual as he's constantly following me around and seems to moan no matter what I do to jelp and if I'm out ot his sight for a second he crys :(
I have very little friends and my family never come see me I think I'm just seriously lacking any kind of support other than my poor partner who works full time
I feel like i need a day off but that isn't an option so I'm just looking for some advice really
I'm sick of feeling like a bad parent

Does your DP work weekends? Could you get a day to yourself at the weekends every so often to help you recharge your batteries? Is nursery or a childminder an option for 1 day a week maybe?

Oh, and you're not a bad mum

Being a parent is so so hard! I've recently been thinking I need to do it all differently. I've a 3, 2 and 1 yr old so a tough house here at the moment but I feel like I'm spiralling recently (I always coped before and could brush off the difficult moments) into a ball of rage about everything. I'm so confused about what to let go interns of behaviour and what to stamp out. But my 3 yr old is rebelling this last few weeks and I can feel him feeding on my anger and discipline. I KNOW he responds best to making things lighthearted and not jumping on him but he's hurting his sisters out of meanness and going through a horrid Henry phase of sing-song nastiness about stuff. I think the increase is from me not responding to the situation right because I'm so frustrated and panicking about the intensity of it all.

But back to your post. I think we try too hard to do things as we expect them to be but little about parenting looks like that image of routine and order. You need a rest and to feel like you and baby are in it together and not having conflicting needs. Assuming there's no pressure from a demanding of ununderstanding DP there then I suggest just do nice things for a while. At baby's nap time, get into bed with a laptop and watch box sets with DS if he won't go down or without DS if he will. Stock the fridge and cupboards with nice things to eat and snack on for both of you so than when he's whinging you can whip out a bloody biscuit. I know that's not the perfect parenting way but fuck that. You need a break and 11 month olds will be quiet for a biscuit while you get your head sorted.

Do whatever makes your life easy and try to spend your time with DS rather than trying to get things done. It can all wait while you play or eat or sleep.

It's a really hard job. And 11 months is suddenly a different thing to what you've been practicing the last 10months so take it easy on yourself.

It is full on being a sahm. I take my son swimming and I find that helps recharge batteries. No phone distraction, just lots of fun and cuddles in the water. I know it doesn't sound a break, but its kind of refreshing iyswim.

Can you all go away for a weekend for a change of scene? I'm sorry I can't offer much help. I feel like this sometimes, but then it passes after a few days.. :(

Thankyou for responding I can't afford child care at the moment, for the first time in his life my DS grandfather has offered to take DS out for a couple of hours so a least I'll get a little breather :)

JaxingJump - God it sounds ever harder for you - you have a lot on your plate! When I think about how much harder things are for other people it makes me feel even worse as I find what I have overwhelming, I don't know how I'd cope with more children or having to work at the moment etc :(
Thankyou so much for your response it really had a point for me as I do always try so things perfectly like the foods I give him I always worry about his health etc
I really need to chill out a little more

Have you contacted your local Homestart?

They have volunteers that could help - even an impartial person to chat to, accompany you to groups & maybe eventually look after DS

Hi MrsRedFly
Thanks for your response
I've never heard it them, I'll certainly look into them - thanks very much.