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Parenting

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Original poster

Putting ds back into pull-ups after a year in pants? Good or Bad Thing?

45 replies

QueenEagle · 21/02/2007 15:14

ds3 was 3.3 when I put him in pants after several false starts. He wasn't really ready but I felt it was time. He seemed to get it but was never bothered if he had wet or pooed himslef. It is becoming more apparent the older he gets that he has a social/communication disorder, possibly mild autism but he is being observed and monitored by all professionals involved.

To date he nkaes no attempt to go to the toilet, in fact he screams the place down at the mere mention of toilet. Star charts, picture cards have worked to a limited degree but he then loses interest and motivation. We have tried nice mummy/cross mummy tactics. Nothing and I mean nothing works.

He avoids the toilet at playgroup and goes because I insist at home after. He poos on the floor or in his pants. At home we just clean up after him and hope one day he will be motivated enough to want to be clean.

He starts with a c/minder next week and he had a settling in visit today for 2 hours and he wet himself twice whilst ther, all over the chair, carpet, toys and carpet. c/m suggested pull-ups which tbh we have ummed and ahhed about for a while but wonder if it would be a Good or Bad Thing to do?? He is 4.2 yo.

OP posts:

Blu · 22/02/2007 13:28

QE - if you think that this is connected with his social / communication disorder, it might be worth putting it in SN.

mytwopenceworth · 22/02/2007 13:29

my 2 are both autistic. they were both still in nappies (evenings and overnight) when we moved in may 05, that would have made them... 5 and 6.

i cant tell you how you can get her out of nappies, because i really dont think you can. it has to come from her. when mine were ready, they did it. prior to that, i had tried everything, but they just weren't having any of it! one day ds2 just refused to wear one and he's never needed one since. ds1 has more trouble, although he doesnt wear a nappy, we have trouble with soiled pants on a regular basis. it is worse if he is stressed out.

i didnt post before because i never managed to sort it out, i just waited for them to be ready, but when i read your other thread i wanted to let you know that others are going through the same thing. if i had any tips i would share them, but i am afraid you are going to have to settle for my sympathies and a big comforting pat on the shoulder! xx

castlesintheair · 22/02/2007 13:30

I sympathise QE. My friend's son (was 4 in august) with a dx of HFA knows exactly what to do and when to do it but won't so he is still in nappies and full-time at school with 1:1 support, mostly for the nappy changing. She has spent 2 years trying to potty-train and has been pulling her hair out, getting no help (or sympathy - they seem to think she's really lazy) at all from health professionals. The HV told her to take him to a farm so he could watch animals peeing & pooing and learn from them !!
My DS has a language disorder (just got dx) and we tried at 2.5 had similar experiences to you, gave up & a year later just put him in pants one day and he was fine.
Sorry this isn't much help but just to let you know you aren't alone and like the other posters, I'd keep him in pull-ups and maybe try again in a few months.

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mytwopenceworth · 22/02/2007 13:32

sorry, i mean him. apols for giving your ds a sex change. x

bigcar · 22/02/2007 13:33

Have you tried taking him with you every time you go to the toilet? Maybe he will want to copy mummy. Just a thought.

Tiggiwinkle · 22/02/2007 13:36

It is a difficult one isn't it? As Coppertop says children on the spectrum often hate toilets. My DS is 8 and is on the spectrum (Aspergers) and even now he hates them. He insists on someone being with him even to use the ones at home-as for school, you can forget it! (I havr to pick him up if he needs to do a poo!). If your DS has sensory issues, he may also find it hard to tolerate the feel of the pull-ups on his skin. I don't know what to suggest as a solution though.

FiachraFrogakaDave · 22/02/2007 13:36

QE - what pull-ups are you using? I only ask because I find that sometimes if I'm trying to pull up one that's tight DS1 will battle a bit, but if it's a bit looser he doesn't seem to mind as much.
I am currently using Pampers largest ones (with Cars character on) and they don't seem to be too lumpy.

Lucycat · 22/02/2007 13:37

I would be tempted to go back to pull-ups too, take the pressure off you all and try again before he goes to school -

perhaps the childminder might have more luck than you? it happens quite often like that.

Original poster

QueenEagle · 22/02/2007 13:37

I guess he could be picking up on our annoyance BUT I must stress that we really have done the chilled out, let him feel what being wet feels like routine. Honest to god, nothing is working. ds4 aged just 2 is far more aware and eager to go to the toilet than ds3.

Thank you for the website links, what I really need are absorbent pants that don't look like nappies as he hates the feel of them. Will have a look. The continence service are bloody slow to get back to me too.

OP posts:

Original poster

QueenEagle · 22/02/2007 13:39

Have bought some pampers easy up pants ones.

OP posts:

princessmel · 22/02/2007 13:41

Wow, those Mothercare training pants are fab. I've just sent the link to my friend. Her dd is 4 and is always having accidents even though she knows exactly what to do and has been dry on and off since she was 2.

My neighbour would love them too. She's just started potty training her son. She's been putting a nappy over the pants. These are a much better idea.

FiachraFrogakaDave · 22/02/2007 13:41

QE - is it always a toilet that you try to sit him on, on have you tried a potty too? Maybe it's the actual toilet he doesn't like? Have you tried trainer seats for the top like these?
Mothercare also have a potty chair

Original poster

QueenEagle · 22/02/2007 13:43

Oh, we have tried the toilet, a toilet seat, a potty. He never took to the aids, seems to prefer the plain toilet.

I forgot to say that he actually dislikes seeign the wee come out of him and will cover his eyes. He also says it is not his wee.

What's all that baout?

OP posts:

Olihan · 22/02/2007 13:46

What if, for the time being, he just wears the pull ups at the cm's? You could take him there in pants and she could change him into the pull up as soon as you leave. We foster an autistic boy and he has learned that certain things happen at our house that don't at home and vice versa. If it becomes a consistent part of the routine at the cm's he'll hopefully accept it quite quickly. You may then be able to introduce them at home.

hunkerdave · 22/02/2007 13:48

Have you got a "how your body works" sort of book - would he be interested in digestion? It might help him understand more about it being his own wee?

Olihan · 22/02/2007 13:58

To explain that a bit more, I meant to say, we started fostering when he was 5 and he was still in nappies. He also slept in his parents bed every night. We initially had him every other weekend and there was no way he could sleep with us. The first couple of overnights were really rough but he quickly got used to sleeping on his own. After a few months his parents put him into his own bed at home and he was fine. It was a really slow process but it happened eventually witout too much trauma for all of them.

He also toilet trained himself, like someone else said. I think he was 6, rising 7 but he just decided one day and that was it. He won't use public toilets either and will only use our ensuite toilet for some reason, not the cloakroom or main bathroom. I think it's all part and parcel of the autism.

Tiggiwinkle · 22/02/2007 14:10

Have you tried making up a "social story" book for him about using the toilet? As you know, children on the spectrum often respond better to visual aids rahter than being spoken to and it might help him to understand better.

2shoesisdavessister · 22/02/2007 14:10

i answered you in sn

Sugarmagnolia · 22/02/2007 15:06

QE - you said he dislikes seeing the wee come out -does he go standing up? What if you let him wee sitting down, that way he won't have to see any of it?

Also, for what it's worth, here's my experience. I don't know if it's relevant because DD does not have SN and it goes against everything all the experts will tell you.

It was definitely a power struggle with her. She was toilet trained at 2 years 9 months (this was October/November I think). She got the idea pretty quickly but still had loads of accidents. By the following spring she was still wetting herself on a semi-regular basis but never once at the childminder and never at a friend's house unless I was there with her. She would refuse to go for hours and then just go in her pants/all over the floor. I knew I was stressed and uptight about it so for 3 or 4 weeks we made a VERY concerted effort to completely ignore it. If she had an accident we just got her changed without a word. No punishment, no shouting, no dissapointed looks, nothing. It got worse! She started wetting herself every day instead of just once a week. So one day we're at a friends house and she was going to stay for dinner and a bath with her friend and then get to come home in her pjs. Big treat. All afternoon we asked did she need a wee? No, no, no. Just before dinner she weed all over the floor. Well, we scooped her up and took her straight home and made it very clear that was her punishment for having an accident.

She never did it again.

adath · 22/02/2007 22:41

I think going with the pull ups is the best idea he is not really trained anyway so treat them like normal pants the huggies ones are less bulky and lumpy than the pampers ones as the huggies are supposed to be a training pant and do not hold as much as a nappy but the pampers ones are made to be a pull up nappy if that maes sense.

Although you are trying to be cook and calm about it he will still be picking up on your underlying anxiety and it may have turnd into a power struggle. The going into pull ups and the chilminder with other potty traiend children might take the pressure off everybody and he may just do it.

I was starting to stress over dd's potty training as I thought it would never happen but as sson as I decided not to care put it off for a few months then tried again it happened literally straight away.

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