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Original poster

Regret the name we've given DS

45 replies

DeeAndMe · 26/12/2016 19:53

I live abroad, in my husband's home country. We chose a name in the local language, it's a well-known name but rarely given. The reason I regret giving DS, 4 months, this name is that my niece, who is 8, made fun of it, and it made me realise all kids will make the association she made. Basically, he is going to be teased for his name for years, probably until he's grown up! I am absolutely gutted, how could we be so stupid! Ever since I realised, I have been frantically looking for a solution to the problem. His name can be shortened to give a nickname which is perfectly nice, calling him by this nickname is the only solution I can think of. Does this sound feasible? But what do we do at school? Can I tell the teachers to call him only by his nickname or would we have to get his name changed officially?
DH who lives in a world of his own thinks I should chill and that his name won't be a problem. I am pretty sure it will be, and I feel like the world's worst mum because I wasn't capable of giving my DS a name he won't be teased for :(

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NapQueen · 26/12/2016 23:51

Your niece sounds unkind. Did her parents reprimand her?

You need to tell us the name.

Original poster

DeeAndMe · 27/12/2016 10:08

Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply without insisting on knowing the name.

Desolate that is just what I wanted to know. I was worried the teachers might refuse to use anything but his official name.

Thewolves I do feel a bit isolated and anxious since becoming a mum, I don't know if I should get help for it, in any case there is zero mental health support for new mums where I live.

To those who said my niece doesn't sound very nice: she can be pretty nasty but I can't guarantee DS will always be surrounded by nice kids so I don't feel I can dismiss what she said. Perhaps I am making a mountain out of a molehill but I couldn't forgive myself if DS has a hard time at school because of his name.

OP posts:

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 27/12/2016 20:15

Hi Dee, I'm so sorry to hear that. To be dealing with being a new parent and in in a different country is a tough call, and yes, accessing any kind of help can be extraordinarily difficult. Do you know any other mums locally that you can chat with? are your own family about? I was worried because it seems like, even though your DH is the native language speaker (?), you immediately blamed yourself and worried about what it meant about you as a parent. You seem really really hard on yourself, and life with a 4 month old is hard enough!!!I sending to you

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Bananamama1213 · 27/12/2016 21:20

My son has a little boy in his class called Barnaby. The teachers call him Barney because that's what he prefers.

Original poster

DeeAndMe · 28/12/2016 19:12

Thanks wolves! I am starting a swimming class for mums with babies in January so hoping to find some friends with children.

We've decided to start using the nickname as it's what I feel most comfortable with, and DH likes it too. Thanks again for all the helpful replies!

OP posts:

Shylo · 28/12/2016 19:19

I really wouldn't worry too much, although it's easy enough for me to say.

In my day, kids were teased mercilessly at school about names but what I've noticed about my kids (who are 6 and 9) is that they never seem to notice anything remotely tease-worthy about schoolmates names, which I think is reflective of the diverse names they now see in peers compared to when I was young.

The only time I've ever seen so much as a giggle was when they were telling me about a little girl whose surname was longbottom .... but in their defence they were very little

uhoh2016 · 28/12/2016 19:44

I know plenty people who are known by their nickname instead of birth name ie Matilda is known as Tilly, Emerson is known as Sonny,Elizabeth shortened to Libby teachers call them Libby Tilly and Sonny probably only get their full name of their parents when they have been naughty lol

ProphetOfDoom · 28/12/2016 20:05

There's truly bad like Uranus, Shitala, Shekhar (called shit car by his schoolfellows) and then there's both my sons' names that if rhymed or nicknamed could both refer to genitalia! I did consider this when choosing their names but decided it didn't put me off enough to choose them & ds1 has dealt with the one instance of teasing I know about pretty well. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there's degrees - have you got a trusted friend you could sound this out with? The fact that no one has said anything - apart from your slightly graceless niece - is good no?

MrBear · 30/12/2016 08:32

My friends were teased because of their names , they were called Danny , Simon and Ian, respectively.

Kids will tease, if its not his name , its something else. Dont worry he'll learn to deal with it, as the kids who tease tend not to be creative.

Footle · 30/12/2016 08:38

I did change the name of one of my children officially at about the age your son is now. Doing so didn't cause any problems.

LuchiMangsho · 30/12/2016 08:39

Out of curiosity: what's wrong with Shekhar?! It's a truly standard Indian name.

Original poster

DeeAndMe · 30/12/2016 19:55

Footle were you already calling him by this second name when you decided to change his name?
MrBear of course kids will tease each other, but there's things you can't do anything about, like your child needing glasses, and avoidable things!
Shylo I have noticed this too, there tends to be more diversity in the names given nowadays, and there are a lot of unusual names about. Interesting that you say your DC don't find many names weird. Having Longbottom as a surname must be tough though!

OP posts:

CheckpointCharlie2 · 30/12/2016 19:58

prophet what are your dc called? I'm so sorry and am being v juvenile but are they called Billy and Madge?

CheckpointCharlie2 · 30/12/2016 20:00

Fuck sorry, that's so rude and I've just noticed they're both ds. am actually crying with laughter to myself.

Finola1step · 30/12/2016 20:05

Calling ds by his nickname is perfectly fine. Yes, you can inform future schools to call him by the preferred names. But his legal name will still be the original and will probably appear on class registers etc. So he may well be called the birth name on occasion.

There are perfectly acceptable varieties. Lots of Olafs may well get shortened to Ollie as a result of the.cute snowman in Frozen.

OdinsLoveChild · 30/12/2016 20:11

Children will always find a reason to torment each other. If you chose the name because you liked it then keep it. If you don't like it anymore change it and use a nickname.

My school friend was called Loonie. It was her grandmothers name too. She was bullied briefly for it at primary school and eventually changed her name to Luna instead. Everyone thought she was very boho chic at high school with such a hippy name. It actually really suited her.

No matter what you name your child another child somewhere will find a reason to have a dig. I really wouldn't worry about the name too much.

Footle · 30/12/2016 23:07

OP, she had a first name and a middle name. We were calling her by the first name but had gone off it, for various reasons that were important to us. I thought it was going to be awkward explaining to other people, but I realised no one else really cared - why should they ?
We began to use the middle name instead, and it suited her so much better that we reregistered her with that as her first name , and a different middle name for good measure. This was a long while ago and I don't know if you can still reregister like that in the UK, or elsewhere.
I knew a child whose name was changed when she was adopted at 18 months, and I think it did affect her, but I really don't think a 4 month old cares.

Mynd · 31/12/2016 00:27

My name was changed aged 4. Can't imagine myself being called my original name.

TheCakes · 31/12/2016 00:33

My son is officially James but everyone calls him Jim. School don't have an issue with it. The only time we use James is when we book doctors appointments, but once they know he prefers Jim, that's what they call him.

sykadelic · 31/12/2016 20:06

A word of caution re school. My brother was given my dads first name and was always supposed to be known by his middle name. All through primary school, totally fine. When he moved up to secondary school Mum filled in all school paperwork with his "nickname" and for some reason the school screwed it up and he was called by dads name. It's a french name but very unusual in English so he was teased for it and we didn't find out until the first parent-teacher conference where mum put his "nickname" on her "mum to X" sticker and the teachers had no idea who he was. She was gutted that he'd been teased and hadn't wanted to tell her.

Even now he bears some ill will towards her for calling him this name (even though it was also dads) because she should have known that in English it wasn't a great name.

Kids WILL be kids, and they will tease, so if it's really that bad, I would change it to the nickname.

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