Children are unable to understand quickly spoken and unclear instructions so if all of a sudden whilst they are killing each other you begin to yell and hollar you will get nowhere.
So, what to do... Few scenarios for you;
- They are screaming, crying and fighting with each other arguing over who got to sneeze first (god forbid
)
Your usual reaction is probably to shout at them both, "pack it in, stop blah blah blah" they hear none of it and all of a sudden the injustice of being shouted at by mum makes you the target.
solution a very firm, louder than they are simple instruction. I.e. "STOP! HANDS ON HEAD/BUMS/HIPS (whichever)"
This will have them stop, but then you must follow with simple instructions of what you want to happen i.e. you sit there + you sit there.
You must keeps things simple, they will then calm down, you will also be calm and they will soon learn that Mummy or Daddy's STOP! HANDS ON HEAD means they are crossing the line and it will be a indicator of enough.
Next...
-Refusing to get dressed / leave sibling alone or do as you have asked.
The battle of wills between parent and toddler. Parent usually loses, however it is important to pick your battles...
I.e. You've picked out pink socks but she wants to purple socks... Aslong as she is wearing bloody socks - let her win.
However, if they think today is butt naked day at the farm and refusal to get dressed then action is needed.
solution this one is where it's a great idea to pit sibling rivalries against each other... It's a game "who thinks they can get dressed the quickest" all of a sudden big child gets an opportunity to 'beat' little sibling. Works EVERY time, i always help little one get dressed which ensures a draw (god forbid anyone loses) queue lots and lots of 'whoooop' team work high fives...
1-0 to mummy.
- Tantrums.... Yes. Mind blowing.
The best and most effective way i have discovered to put an end to a tantrum (depending on the scale, if we are nuclear i strongly advise placing in a safe place and riding it out)
Comedy... This has ended every tantrum I've dealt with (professionally and personally) get to the child's level and validate their feelings of being sad saying i know you're sad because of x,y or z. They need to feel understood, but also the tantrum needs to end so... I then say "do you need a tickle??" whilst doing tickle signal with fingers, a big big smile to go with it and then "ooo yes. I see a little tickle spot right there" a big tickle and then the tantrum is usually turned into a smile and a cuddle.. Unless it's nuclear lol.
Good luck