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Parenting

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Original poster

What I wish people had told me when I had my first baby...

112 replies

bradleybecky · 17/12/2016 23:05

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ebbenmeowgi · 19/12/2016 04:32

Am sitting here with my week-old first baby and loving this thread! I'd probably add that birth plans don't always go to plan and that c sections can be a very positive experience! (even if an emergency) also first week with a newborn is overwhelming, amazing, terrifying, exhausting.

NurseRosie · 19/12/2016 04:42

For all of the new mummies to be, the first wee will sting, especially if you've had trauma down there.
If you have a cough it'll feel like your insides are falling our when you cough but they won't, don't worry x

MollyHuaCha · 19/12/2016 05:16

Except, they just might...

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seven201 · 19/12/2016 05:41

That you won't be the only new mother who keeps startling themselves awake and having a millisecond panic that you've squashed the baby in your accidental sleep as the baby wants to feed round the clock .

I wish I'd known what silent reflux and cow's milk protein allergy were as it would have saved us from a few months of screaming all day and all night. I still feel guilty about how unhappy she was.

That nipple shields aren't the enemy. I used them for the first month and would have given up breast feeding without them.

That the whole belly button umbilical cord thing is quite disgusting.

That you don't have to do what a health visitor tells you. My daughter didn't regain her birth weight quickly enough so I was advised to top up with formula twice a day. I did and it took so long to drop one of those feeds (kept the pre-bed one so my dh could give me a break!) but I was and am still convinced my dd was just really bloated when she came out.

Smile and nod at stupid advice. I remember my mil saying 'why don't you just put her down' when my husband was trying to rock our upset 1 month old to sleep. It's now our little joke where when dd is screaming the other will say 'why don't you just put her down' or when one of us has accomplished anything to do with dd the other says 'I just put her down, easy'

seven201 · 19/12/2016 05:45

Also how important it is to communicate with your partner about decisions.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 19/12/2016 05:57

That the onesies and vests with the envelope neck (overlapping pieces) are designed to be pulled down the body, not over the head. This will contain the poonami (it will happen) in a downward direction, not all up their back and on their head.

dillydontdally · 19/12/2016 06:39

That the early days aren't always horrific.

I'd heard so much well meaning advice about how difficult the first few months were that I spent my entire (much wanted and planned) pregnancy dreading the arrival of the baby. I couldnt sleep at night worrying about how painful breastfeeding would be, how little sleep I would get, how bored I would be on maternity leave. When dd arrived I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it all! I wish I could go back and tell my pregnant self that not all babies are a nightmare as would have saved a lot of heartache.

Saying that, dd is seemingly an 'easy' child...am a bit scared of trying for a second in case I get a 'difficult' one as I don't know if I would cope now!

Stillwishihadabs · 19/12/2016 06:42

That you can leak milk before the birth and overnight afterwards. Altogether the volume of fluid pouring out of me for the first week - I was completely unprepared.

minifingerz · 19/12/2016 06:51

That if you have had a drip and loads of fluids in labour your baby's weight loss in the first week may be affected by this.

That most breastfeeding problems can be resolved with the right help.

savagehk · 19/12/2016 06:56

As butteroneverything said, I put it slightly differently : if it cries feed it

BertieBotts · 19/12/2016 06:56

You may feel in the early days that there is only one correct way to do things. There is not. Listen to all suggestions, even if you hate them. People are just trying to help, not ruin everything or get you onto their "side".

Bohemond · 19/12/2016 06:59

That after 3-5 days you may not just get weepy but you may have a horrible 12 hour period where you feel like you are on drugs. Anxiety, sweats, brain whooshing, tingling. Most likely in the middle of the night.

And I second the PP who mentioned waking up thinking you have squashed the baby. Mine has never co-slept but I still woke up thinking I had forgotten to put him back into his cot.

Heatherbell1978 · 19/12/2016 07:04

Try not to compare yourself/your baby to others when you meet new mums through mum groups. A few of my NCT mums went on about their babies 'sleeping through the night' from day 1 and I felt crap as mine clearly didn't. Transpires they meant their babies were in their cot for 10 hours but still woke for feeding every 3 hours or so....just like mine.....

Strawclutching · 19/12/2016 07:04

Comparison is the thief of joy.

confusedandemployed · 19/12/2016 07:09

That things really do change and absolutely nothing is forever. Every change in behaviour had me panickng that this was the new normal and I would become freshly depressed that my life would never be enjoyable again. It wasn't the new normal and my life with a small child is great (now!)

polkadotdelight · 19/12/2016 07:12

NurseRosie I remember feeling so relieved when I had finally managed to push his head out. I thought I was all done and then they said I still had to push the shoulders out. I was horrified!

NurseRosie · 19/12/2016 07:20

I was at the point if delivering the head when the midwife told me to do some big pushes with my next contraction. I was so proud of the massive pushes I'd done and then the midwife said "well done, that was brilliant, baby is crowning". All I remember thinking is wtf, it's not out yet!

CheshireSplat · 19/12/2016 07:20

Do your pelvic floor exercises even if you think you don't need to. Wish I had!

DubiousCredentials · 19/12/2016 07:30

You will never be without "The Fear" ever again. Fear something bad will happen to them. Fear something bad will happen to you and take you away from them. Also the general fear relating to anything bad happening to any child anywhere.

neversleepagain · 19/12/2016 07:34

Don't feel guilty when you think you've made a huge mistake having a baby.

I thought that often when feeding through the night when my twins were newborn.

Gardenbirdy · 19/12/2016 07:43

That it's ok to tell people not to come round if you're not up to it - if they've got small children they should understand.
That your body has taken a battering and it's ok - as others have said - to just sit on the sofa for the first two weeks. I was completely unprepared for how physically tired out I would feel from the birth.
And do your pelvic floors!! All of them!

Placeinthesun · 19/12/2016 07:46

It doesn't matter if breastfeeding doesn't work out for you. Bottles are not the devils work, having a fed happy baby is more important than how it's fed. Don't spend yourself into a spiral of self induced guilt /faiulure/anxiety if breastfeeding is all going tits up (no pun intended) for you.

Those suits with all the poppers up the legs are a fucker to do up, they are not compulsory.

Baby bath is a big lump of plastic space waster.

The Baby Blues may hit a week or so in, you will feel shit, weepy and may want to murder your dp.... It will pass in most instances.

Cloth nappies leak less and smell less than disposables.

Slings, decent ones, are fab.

Have faith in yourself. You are doing a fab job.

There will be days when there is vomit or possibly poo everywhere and you and baby cry in frustration or from exhaustion all day but that's OK.

They are only little newbies for a bit so do cherish the cuddles when you can.

Rents · 19/12/2016 07:50

That you might get severe night sweats when your milk is first coming in. Thank god for google, I thought something was truly wrong. It was like something from Trainspotting.

The aftermath of birth was, for me, more painful than labour. I hadn't really considered the extent of it. I had a lot of tearing though. My friend sent me a can of numbing spray from USA for relief when peeing. You can't buy it here but new Mums get it in their leaving pack as standard in the states!

twocockersarebetterthanone · 19/12/2016 08:08

If you have a forceps or ventouse birth you still have to push - I honestly thought they would pull and I could relax.

You'll feel empty (physically) after the birth especially when walking upstairs.

Your baby will still survive if you don't / can't breastfeed. Being bottle fed will not mean your baby is unhealthy / disadvantaged / doomed to academic failure etc etc.

Don't spend time ironing baby grows

Do get the baby into a routine if you can (and want to). Mine slept through at 6 weeks and I'm convinced his was partly due to routine.

Let anyone who wants to help out!!

Soubriquet · 19/12/2016 08:13

It's ok not to get that rush of love when its first born.

The love will grow eventually

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