What I wish people had told me when I had my first baby...

[bradleybecky]

Any thoughts?

[Gardenbirdy]

Yes yes to trusting your instincts. No one knows your baby like you do - if you feel there's something wrong don't be brushed off by the HV or anyone else.

[gluteustothemaximus]

My HV was really mean for my first. Second rubbish too. Last one lovely but midwives that visited afterwards were not nice. At. All. I hear it so often that 'HV said am doing this wrong/that wrong' - I want to scream - HV isn't always right!!!

Yes to trusting gut.

Am really enjoying number 3

[Nirvanababy]

Enjoy the first few months of feeding (whichever method you choose) and sleeping and don't feel like you have to socialise if you don't want to.
The house does not need to be spotlessly clean
Shower before DH/DP/DM whoever leaves the house as it's one less thing to stress about
Buy teething stuff now! No one tells you how demonic a teething baby can be
Don't fret about losing weight etc... plenty tome for that
Start using grocery delivery😁

Lastly, trust your gut instinct xx

[kiki22]

That you can be in tears with frustration ready to give up then they smile and you keep going

[MerylPeril]

Some babies breast feed well, some take effort and some won't do it at all

There is no rhyme or reason to it.

If it doesn't work well for you please ignore the smug bitches it worked for and try to make you feel bad. They aren't better than you.

[Uiscebeatha85]

Oh yes as pp said when the HV side eyes the two empty bottles of prosecco you shared with guests at the back door and says 'I hope you weren't drinking those ' tell her to fuck off 👍

[MuppetsChristmasCarol]

@gluteustothemaximus My HV is very good. Sorry you had a bad experience, but my midwives and HV were amazing in the first few weeks, and I had daily support with breastfeeding. She's also really good at giving me lists of games and activities to do with my baby, which I have stuck up on the fridge to refer to.

[MerylPeril]

^^ ahahahaha

My Health Visitor was marvellous but the Midwives who came round were horrible cows

[gluteustothemaximus]

To tell the health visitor to fuck off.

[Uiscebeatha85]

Oh and invest in a good sling, so much handier for public transport and getting about, in and out of shops and walks inaccessible by pram.

[Uiscebeatha85]

If you're planning on breastfeeding, check your baby's tongue for a tongue tie when they're born. They're not routinely looked for and are missed a lot of the time. Dd's was missed and not snipped until 12 weeks (after a lot of campaigning to get it done and mastitis twice). A tongue tie will make breastfeeding a lot more difficult.

Trust your instincts and throw the parenting book away. Do what feels natural to you.

[1premmie1termie]

Just get that pushchair out the front door and go for a walk if you feel like you're losing your mind.

[FarAwayHills]

I would say that births plans don't always go plan and not to be too hung up on having the perfect birth experience or feel disappointed that things didn't go was you wanted. As long as you and baby are ok that is all that matters.

Newborns don't need that much stuff.

Be kind to yourself. Sleep, eat well and accept help from others.

I also think it's easy to become overwhelmed by the amount of information and opinions from experts, friends and family. Listen, consider and make your own decisions. Remember people have been raising children for years without Google and parenting experts.

[LundyFastnetIrishSea]

Great post King.

I was also birth-phobic, almost convinced me and/or the baby would die. A lot of the things I worried about happened, but it was fine. The doctors dealt with it and at the time I wasn't even panicked, the medical staff made me feel like everything was under control, they took it all in their stride. And we're both fine Baby safe and I'm repairable and healing well. All the times I was pregnant and in tears and refusing to think about when the baby was here because I never believed it would happen; what a waste of headspace and anxiety.

Also agree with your second paragraph completely.

[KingLooieCatz]

Birth-wise - I was birth-phobic. I was in hospital for a few days before going into labour and spent hours lying there feeling terrified of what was to come. The take home message - what you're afraid might not even happen, what a waste of your life to fret about it. If it does happen, it might not be as bad as you fear it will be, what a waste of your life to fret about it. If it is as bad as you fear it will be, the fear didn't help and probably made it worse, so what a waste of your life to fret about it. This applies to most of life it turns out. Fretting is a waste of life.

Early days - wise, bit like setting out to sea for the first time, expecting it all to be beautiful sunsets and cocktails on the foredeck, and as soon as you're out the harbor a storm blows up. You lash yourself to the wheel and hold tight waiting for it to blow over. It feels like it never blow over - where are the beautiful sunsets and cocktails on the foredeck everyone told you about? You feel cheated and wish you had never set out to sea in the first place. People tell you that you are doing really well and you think this is bullshit - all you're doing is holding on. One day the storm will die down, you will get some sleep, accept some help, feel like you got stuff right and the baby will laugh. This is your sunset and cocktails moment. You will realize there will be storms and there will be beautiful days and you will get through. When people told you that you were doing well, they were right, all you needed to do was hold on tight and keep going through the storm. No one can ask any more of you.

[ElinoristhenewEnid]

That it may not be as bad as you think!
I read so many horror stories on this site about caring for babies and they are nothing like my experience.
Had 2 dcs who fed and slept, mostly self settled from birth and after they started going 10+ hours through the night at 2/3 months had very few broken nights - it can happen!
Expect the worst and be pleased if it is not that bad!

[Candlefairy101]

Burn the baby manual & listen to your instincts!

[minipie]

If you're having BF trouble, see a good LC and get checked for tongue tie.

Make sure the baby sleeps enough and doesn't get overtired. Don't worry about where or how they sleep, and especially don't worry about self settling, that can be sorted later. Just get enough sleep in - which is a lot.

If you're hating it, that's ok and millions of women do hate the newborn stage. Don't panic that your life is over. It gets much better.

[maggienolia]

If you think that baby has done a poo do not put your finger down the back of the nappy to find out.
It will not end well.

[PixieMiss]

If you have stitches, fold a pad in 2 and hold it against them while you poo. It is very comforting!

[Sizzledsticks]

If you want to start breast feeding but also bottle feeding with either pumped milk or formula, it's okay to do both from the beginning. I was told with my first not to bottle feed for six weeks, then my son always refused to take a bottle, so couldn't be left for more than an hour or two until he was old enough for a beaker. Thanks midwife (!). Second son I followed my instincts and mixed and matched from day one. No problems at all.

Also, if anyone offers to help - particularly practical help - welcome them with open arms. You honestly get no prizes for doing it all yourself. If you need a daytime nap when the baby's sleeping that's fine.

As someone else said, once the initial stress passes, you'll have a lot of fun. Children really are funny.

[NurseRosie]

Don't be surprised if after all of your hard work the baby comes out and looks just like it's bloody father! Hahaha.

[pipnchops]

That babies don't know how to fall asleep by themselves and if they're crying hysterically for apparently no reason it's probably because they're tired and they need help falling asleep.

[Harveyrabbit76]

I didn't realise that babies needed to be taught how to sleep and that they get overtired. I spent hours at night thinking my DD had colic because of her screaming when in fact she needed to calmed to sleep in a darkened room.
I also thought a routine would be easy to establish, ha ha ha! But things do get better and we had especially dark times!