What I wish people had told me when I had my first baby...

[bradleybecky]

Any thoughts?

That babies don't sleep quietly.

and that newborns don't actually need entertaining says she who worried that her days old baby might be getting bored.

Glad you said that, I thought the same!

The one thing I was very grateful that someone had told me (and that wasn't in the books/online) was just how much bleeding to expect afterwards and how long it could go on for

Breastfeeding is hard and very draining.
You are not a failure if you ask for help.
You will surprise yourself by how little sleep you can function on.

That it's ok to hate the early weeks, it will get better...

That you might not feel an overwhelming rush of love but it will come.

That looking after a newborn can be mindnumbingly tedious and relentless.

That you may well question why you've ruined your life at least once in the early days.

The crying. Yours and the baby's.

It changes every two weeks! If you are having a tough time just wait it out - things will be different in a few weeks.

That I can do this. That I am good enough.

That my baby needs me. As his mother, I matter.

First baby die in a couple of months

Due*

On a similar note - it's not uncommon to have very little control over bowel movements for the first month or two - the ability to 'hold it in' completely left me. For most people things return to normal on their own (though do see your GP if it is really bad or things don't start improving).

That 20-30 minutes naps are normal

That in the first few weeks, getting yourself and baby dressed and out of the house for a walk around the block by mid afternoon is akin to climbing Mount Everest.

That babies move the goal posts so often that you needn't worry you're setting bad habits or creating a rod for your own back. Everything's a phase and in a few weeks what works now will probably be out the window.

Read all the baby routine books you like but none of them are set in stone and you should pick and choose the bits that appeal to and work for you. They all promise a silver bullet because that's how publishers get them off the shelves!

You WILL be constipated for weeks after birth. And fart an embarrassing amount.

Agree that babies don't need routine and defo not to be too precious - fretting over bf/ home made purée etc - makes no odds as all be munching on macdonalds once older😁

That you will cringe how pfb you were!

Stop obsessing about "sleeping through".

Even if they do sleep through from early on (rare) it'll all go to shit sooner or later anyway cos the only thing you can truly rely on is that kids sleep is all over the place for the first two years.

Try and enjoy it.
It's harder than you think (it was for me anyway).
Everything is a phase.
It gets easier.

You can't break the baby - really it'll be fine!

Work out how to use a steriliser and make a bottle - even if you are planning to breastfeeding cos if it's not worked out you'll be doing this whilst extremely sleep deprived after trying to make breastfeeding work for the past days/weeks

It doesn't take 12 hours to give birth to your first and you might not every have 45-60 second contractions. The contractions don't always ramp up as you go along, 3 hours of contractions 30 seconds long 5 in 10 minutes from the start!

Babies don't fall asleep when they're tired you have to help them

Babies don't look tired until they're overtired

Babies don't fall asleep when they're tired you have to help them

Or at least they often do at first, then they stop doing it and you don't realise until you've got a frantically overtired baby on your hands.

And it is true that despite reading tonnes of baby books and doing NCT etc no-one had ever told me this.

Also that cluster feeding is normal

That you might not fall instantly in love with them.

That you might not enjoy being a Mother all the time.

That its normal for a baby to feed for hours on end, having a twenty minute break, then go back to it for another hour.

That they are noisy sleepers.

That breastfeeding can sometimes be really hard, and sometimes really easy.

That your gut instinct is right.

Just to stick with the one child 🙈

Haha, this is funny because I said to Mum the other day " I'm going to write a book because people deserve the truth". I did mean about birth initially but there is so much other stuff.

I think mine are that the head is not born in one push. You can't control the noises you make during labour, or I couldn't anyway, though I only used gas and air in the end (midwives idea, I asked for more). The bleeding! Trust your instincts with everything. Don't best yourself up about not following professional advice, every parent and baby is different and you have to do what is personally right.

Thankyou all for this thread - I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and a lot of this is really good to hear

That when they're crying and crying and won't settle and you've been pacing the room for ages as you think they've just had a feed so can't be hungry. Well, they're probably hungry so feed, feed and feed again. It took me ages to realise that DC1 was just hungry and when I did life became a lot easier.

That the bleeding is unlike anything I'd imagined (I get light periods so was totally unprepared). And it goes on for ages.

That it feels like you've been kicked by a horse in the whole of your genital/pelvic region. I'd realised there might be cuts/tears/grazes but nothing prepared me for the bruised sensation.

1. That it's not necessarily love at first sight- don't worry that part will grow.
2. Newborns dont automatically sleep all day!

3.sime babies don't like being rocked/jiggled to sleep 4.if your baby has colic it will nearly kill you but you will make it out the other side!