Tall and heavy toddler - tantrums

[archersfan22]

Toddler is going through normal terrible twos and has quite dramatic tantrums sometimes. At home I normally just leave him to it until he's calmed down. But there are times out and about where I have to wrestle him into another room/into his pushchair etc to take him away from the situation until he's calmed down. He's getting so tall and heavy I'm struggling to physically wrestle with him if he's kicking out and going rigid, and I doubt we'll see the back of the tantrums completely for a while so he's only going to get bigger. I suppose because I'm not used to picking him up/carrying him much anymore I don't have those muscles built up. Or maybe I'm doing something wrong in the way I'm trying to pick him up?? I'm an average sized adult so should be able to overpower a 2.5 year old surely...
(Obviously I use other strategies to avoid tantrums in public places but if he's in full on screaming mode in a cafe or something there aren't many options that don't involve something getting broken or other people getting fed up).

Any suggestions?

How quickly does he kick in to a tantrum?

And what sets him off - mine would usually tantrum because of underlying hunger or tiredness so if those were in check they could usually be reasoned with.

My ds used to tantrum a bit more and I'd get down to her level and lower my voice and offer a hug. It would usually help - if I did it without encroaching on her space and allow her to come to me.

Then I'd reassure her with my voice - tell her how she was feeling.

I did this for all tantrums - I didn't ignore any of them.

I think it helped her stay calmer more generally - might be worth a shot.

For a toddler, a tantrum is because they're emotions become so overwhelming. They lack the ability to express themselves - it isn't about controlling you.

So I mean if you change how you approach tantrums more generally - instead of leaving him to it - you might see fewer of them.

Thank you, any tips welcome - I don't think he has excessive tantrums for his age, and yes underlying hunger or tiredness is often a factor, so we can avoid them a lot of the time, but there is always the odd occasion where it still happens. Also, I try hugs etc but if he's in full on screaming fit it doesn't seem to help, he just gets more wound up. When I said 'leave him to it' I didn't mean I leave him alone completely, more that I don't try to move him or pick him up.