How do you get 8 week old to go to bed???

[Runninglate]

Our usually contented 8 week old DD just won't settle to sleep in her cot unless we are in bed too (next to her). how do we break this and get her to settle on her own so that we can be up and about having 'us' time. As it is, we do what we can to settle her on the sofa next to us (otherwise we are up and down the stairs 'attending' to her' all night) and then we all go to bed about 10pm.

Interestingly, we took her to a restaurant with us all night and she slept in her buggy from 7:30pm and a smooth transfer in to bed etc when we got back.

Please help!!

'fumbly'....great word

I just remember going to stay with my friend with her 3rd child at 10 weeks old and he was put to bed at 7pm and that was the last we heard from him. She came to stay last weekend and I felt as if the social services should come and take me away

From memory, I didn't put my babies upstairs to bed until we went up - I was bfing too so it was easier if they were there in the room. I had a little crib and they slept there all evening usually, we had the tv on or music and they got used to the light and the noise I suppose and then we just all went up to bed together before the last feed. I think.

DD woke up every two hours until she was 2, DS slept all night from 4 months!

TBH, do what you feel is right for you. Everyone has different opinions. You're probably tired and need a break sometimes but in month or so it could all have changed and she will settle easier.

I'm trying to think a bit more laterally here about the 'us' time. I was just wondering whether you could prepare a bottle of formula or breastmilk and give it to one of the grandparents and then go off for a coffee and a newspaper at a local cafe or something.
Or get the grandparents to take your DD off to the park in the pram for an hour or so.
I know it doesn't help at night, but at least you could have a bit of time to yourselves.
[does a kind of French style shrug to accompany the suggestion]

of course you want a bit of time together to realx in the evening. It's an exhausting time, runninglate, and you won't get a surefire answer from anyone.

When min ewere that age I tried to settle them for 9pm, just by putting them down, comforting if they cried, putting them down, that sort of repetition. Because I raelly REALLY wanted one or two hours in the evening without a baby!

So aim low. Don't try to settle her too early.

I know it sounds wierd but I dont feel as if I need time out and I'm getting plenty of sleep because I sleep again after her 7-8am feed and we both wake about 10am ish . This means I gt a total of 8+ hours sleep a night . It's more for the future I guess.

your friends with the settled baby at 7pm are the unusual ones, not you. And we were all fumbly

ah. don't think about the future. Things will change all the time over the next year or three.

Sorry, by the time I had typed that, you had said you were breastfeeding. I wasn't sure, so I just said both to cover, you know, whatever you were doing.
You are getting lots of fab support, whenever I go to post there have been ninety other posts in the interim.

She does sound lovely. I only have one and they are a worry. I think by the time you have a second baby you are much more laid-back, and just chuck it in the dog's kennel when you get home and drink beer.
At least that's what I will probably do.

You are all incredibly lovely and very supportive and thank goodness for mumsnet!!

Thank you
xxxx

DD (4mths) stays with us, asleep or awake, and gets moved to her crib when we go up. But I'm just lazy. I am sure I did the same with DS and had no long-term problems in getting him to settle on his own.

If you want to settle her upstairs (for more room on the sofa?) then how about leaving the radio on for her?

Not weird. I used to hate leaving my little boy and didn't want any time without him.
I don't feel quite that way now he's two.
But almost.

I kept mine with me until I went to bed (as someone else said) until 4 mths with dd1. When she went into her own room and into cot. Then started 8pm bed time. DD2 is bf still so is still in my room at 6 1/2 mths, and will be until she doesn't night feed anywhere. But also kept her with me til I went to bed until about 5 mths old.
She's still so tiny, don't worry about it and go with the flow.
Eventually I could just tell that they were needing to go to bed at a regular earlier time.
Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxx

I had lots of advice about getting my little boy into a cot in his own room before he was three months and all kinds of stuff about routines. I kind of thought I would be into having a routine, so I could feel in control.
But after floundering around and worrying about routines and not routines - it felt most natural to let my little boy kind of dictate how things went, rather than worry about whether he would end up being the biggest brat ever.
This still works and I'm not even vaguely worried any more, but it took a while to stop worrying about what everyone else was doing.
And he's not a brat at all, just very happy and very independent.

Hi Runninglate, haven't read all the replies but identified with what you are going through. My DD wouldn't settle at all for the first 9 wks of her life. At first the only way we could get her to sleep each night/during the night was rocking her in her car seat (hated her crib, only slept in it a couple of times). We often had to take her out in the car at all hours of the morning when that failed too. Wouldn't nap during the day either if I tried to put her down but was quite happy to sleep on top of me after I had breastfed her. In the end after her bath & feed each night I started to lay down on our mattress with her, face to face, with lights dimmed v v low. She would hold on to one of my fingers in a clenched fist & while I pretended to be asleep. When she had eventually nodded off to sleep, I use to sneak downstairs to DH. Sometimes it would take up to an hour & I often felt like staying in bed myself but it helped DH & I to reclaim some of the evening to ourselves again. Over time I didn't have to spend as long with her b4 she fell asleep each night. In the end it worked really well for us coz we moved her into her own room when she was 14wks which was a huge improvement to where we had been a ffew weeks previous. Think it helped her to learn to fall asleep in a quiet calm environment but think that we also stopped it b4 my being there every night became a habit. Having said that every baby is different so what works for us may not for you but wanted to share with you just in case. Based on my experience, would agree with some of the other posters, she is so young & needs you to be around her a lot of the time (for now). Hope you find a solution that works for you all soon xx

Oh, also meant to say that we got a baby swing when DD was 5 wks & she used to nod off quite easily in that after a few minutes. Made such a difference as I was no longer was pinned to the chair after every feed while she slept!

We had a vibrating, bouncy chair - I just remembered, which would put my little boy to sleep for a bit and he was quite comfy.
You could always go to Mothercare or John Lewis and try out a few different chairs/swings/hammocks.

Neither of mine went up to bed until we did for about 4-6 months, I had them asleep either on me or dp or in the carrycot. Neither of mine did I ever have any huge difficulties settling on their own later, I maybe had to sit with them for the first few times but soon after I could leave while they were awake and just dropping off and by the time I could do that is was easy to put them down awake and leave them to drop off to sleep.
8 weeks is still tiny so do not worry about trying to settle her it s easier when bf as well to have them close by. DS used to sleep great at that age if he could hear me and dp talking and moving about the radio or mobile whatever just didn't cut it with him.

Put her to sleep in the pram or moses basket and take her up when you go this time does pass so quickly honestly and before you know it you wll have whole evenings of "us time" and this time when she is so tiny and cuddly will be gone believe me it goes too fast, enjoy her needing you so much and loving you so much.

I never realised with my first how quickly it goes and there were times where I thought it would never end now she is 3 and has a little brother and I can barely remember holding her as a tiny baby.

Thank you for your reassurance!! It does seem to be a theme that it will all come good when she's a wee bit older. i think you're right - i will have to spend a few evenings staying with her and then going away, coming back etc until I don't need to.

Thanks x

Gracious me - having started this thread about what to do, I tried again - we have now had 5 nights of DD going to bed at 7pm, settling herself to sleep and then waking at 11pm for a feed (or I wake her). I've only had to go to her a couple of times on one evening as she was a bit unsettled and that has been it. She is nearly 10 weeks now.

I've just done the usual 45 minute routine thing - bath, feed, story, music, bed, lights off. I never thought she would go for it and now I feel terrible that I kept her up for all those weeks thinking that she was never going to settle

I am gobsmacked. And relieved!!