Please tell me it gets easier

[Aliveinwanderland]

DS is 7 weeks and absolutely gorgeous. But I actually think I may die of sleep deprivation soon. He is still only going 2-2.5 hours between feeds all night and I can't take any more. I'm finding it harder and harder to wake up with him, have no energy to even roll over in the night and every time he has woken tonight I've cried and begged him to let me have one more hour.

He is EBF and I don't really want to switch to formula but I think I may have to. Something needs to change.

Well, that's fine on medical advice, but only ever then. Current NHS guidelines say never to use CBW with EBF babies and only in extremes of heat with FF.

My story very very like Sian's.

It all got loads better at around a year for me. Now he's 2 and he goes to sleep on his own and sleeps all night around half the time and if not it's a brief reassurance.

2-2.5hrs between feeds day and night at 7 weeks is absolutely normal. Exhausting but normal. Try safely co-sleeping and feeding laying down on your side so you don't actually have to get up. Saved my sanity with both of mine. You will start to find that neither of you properly wake up for feeds and you may not even remember how many times you fed. As long as you do it safely (google safe cosleeping) it can work really well.

I switched DS to formula at 5mo in the hope that he would sleep. It didn't help at all. I fed him less at night but he was up the same amount. All it meant was I had to find other way to get him back to sleep.

Another week gone and it's getting worse. The sleep has been the same and I think I'm learning to cope but DS has been a nightmare all day for the past week.

He is never happy. Cries, moans or grumbles all day. Doesn't want to be held (will squirm away), doesn't want to be put down, doesn't like his bouncy chair or his play mat. The only time he isn't crying is when he is in the car because he falls asleep, or in the bath.

I don't understand what has happened to him. I used to enjoy him, we did classes, he was good and placid. The last 2 weeks he had changed completely and I hate to say it but I'm not enjoying him at all. I know this phase will go, and I hate wishing time away as every second with him is precious, but this just isn't how it was meant to be.

I want to enjoy him. To be able to go out to a class without him screaming the whole time. To be able to do something to soothe him when he looks so unhappy. He hates me and I don't know why. I don't know how to fix him.

What is his daytime sleep like. This cleanliness sounds like over tiredness. At 8 weeks old awake time (between one nap and the next) really shouldn't be more than an hour. Preferably 45 minutes or so.

If the car is the only way to get him to sleep then in order to break this over tiredness cycle, plan your day around repeated patterns of 45 mins at home (during which you feed, wind, nappy, floor time, cuddle) then 30 minutes driving around in the car. For literally the whole of your waking day- 45m home, 30m sleeping (in car, if that's the only possible place) repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat from 7am to 11pm.

Once you have broken the cycle a baby who isn't over tired will be easier to get to sleep and sleep more deeply so wake less easily.

Also - try a dummy.

"cleanliness"? Autocorrect failure. Was meant to say grumpiness.

Another one for safe same bed cosleeping here. Dd is 3 weeks and we haven't hesitated this time around after initial reluctance with ds (now 6). As soon as we began cosleeping our sanity was saved. Dd doesn't wake up that often as she's so cosy and secure and when she does she can feed lying down and we both go straight back to sleep. I have a lovely fleecy blanket I use which is enough as we keep the temperature at 18 degrees overnight on a thermostat. She's away from pillows and duvet.

I feel you. DS was similar. He screamed through classes that I desperately wanted him to love as I needed to get out. He's 2.5 now and is still easily overwhelmed and over stimulated. It may be to do with that. He was an awful sleeper at that age. Fed pretty much constantly, often needed rocking/dummy back to sleep and this was with co-sleeping. He's still doesn't sttn at 2.5. BUT he's fab. He got 'easier' with every milestone. He will always be high needs - that's him. He's currently snuggled in bed with me now as he wouldn't settle in his own bed. DD (7mo) is totally different in that she is a good-ish sleeper (I still cosleep after first feed) and is a typical 'good' or 'easy' baby. I have done nothing different with either of them. It's just who they are.

My advice would be:

1. Google fourth trimester
2. Adjust your expectations - not all babies are the same.
3. Find daily activities that you both enjoy (I did a lot of long walks/hikes with DS in a sling).
4. Cosleep safely.

Could he have silent reflux?

My BF DS always seemed in pain, cried and cried, nothing would settle him unless he was on the boob and the nights were horrendous.

I took him to the GP when he was 7 weeks old and thought it could be reflux so prescribed Gaviscon. However, giving Gaviscon to a BF is ridiculous impossible/impractical so after a few days I asked the GP to prescribed Ranitidine instead and within 24-48 hours I had a different baby.

DS was never sick, hence why it's called silent reflux, but GP was happy that his symptoms were due to acid reflux and heartburn type pain.

My DC has an intolerance to dairy and behaved as you are describing. EBF and I had to remove all dairy from my diet. It might be worth a try. Does he have a lot of wind? Any mucous in his poo?

My DC also had ranitidine for reflux. Wonderful stuff.

It gets better. Every day gets better. I had twins. I don't remember those first few weeks other than the superhuman examples of kindness we were shown by friends and family and to whom I will be forever grateful.

Have you tried cosleeping? At least you get a kind of doze.

My baby is 8 months and has never slept for more than 2 hours. More often than not it is 40 mins to 1 hour. You get used to it!

He has a dummy which works sometimes. He settles fairly well at night, he just wakes often.

Day time naps aren't too bad as he usually sleeps on the way to and from a class so I don't think he is getting too overtired. The crying usually starts straight after a feed so I thought it was reflux but he doesn't have problems lying on his back so I doubt it.

He gets a lot of wind and only tends to poo once a week. He is constantly trumping!

The GP gave us Gaviscon a few weeks ago but it was a nightmare giving it to him so we gave up and at the time he seemed ok. It's just got worse the last 2 weeks.

I am very reluctant to try and cut dairy from my diet as I am a very poor eater anyway so would really struggle to get the calories in.

I am a vegetarian who had to cut out all dairy, eggs and soya for well over a year. I understand how hard a restricted diet can seem at the start but it really did get a lot easier.

I just don't understand why he is so miserable in th day time but calm at night. He wakes every 2 hours to feed but doesn't really cry, just grumbles a bit for milk and then after he feed is calm, goes back in the crib and sleeps again.

However from 5am ish crankiness starts. Constant crying, moaning, whining and I don't know what it is for. I've considered boredom after being in dark all night so given him a change of scenery, hungar so fed him, can't see it being reflux or colic with him being fine overnight and then awful all day.

It has got an awful lot worse in the past week and I'm really fed up now. He rarely smiles during the day and is so miserable I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

They're born without a circadian rhythm too so rely on us teaching them how to distinguish between night and day. They need a huge amount of help to nap during the day prior to 12 weeks and the more tired they get, the more fractious they get, the more grumpy they get, the less they can 'switch off' and sleep and the whole cycle starts again. Ds used to wake early and become unsettled and grumpy. I'd feed him and then dh would take him downstairs for a couple of hours so I could get a couple of hours uninterrupted sleep. That made a huge difference.

Big hugs OP. He doesn't hate you, I promise you. He's just going through a huge developmental change at the moment and I promise you if gets better. Crying peaks at 6-8 weeks, I was so pleased when I read that! You are in the worst bit of unsettled baby behaviour. They do get better by 12 weeks as their digestive systems mature and they are more able to communicate their needs without screaming the place down. Also, I found walking would settle mine, out into the fresh air in the pram. A change of scene. Helped me too. My mum always says, wee babies need a change every ten minutes when awake and i found this really helpful advice when mine were the age of yours - ten minutes walking around the house, ten minutes on the playmat (if they'll tolerate it) en minutes cuddling on the couch etc. Helped that moany time go in.

Hang on in there, it will get better x

Please don't give water. It's potentially dangerous for bf babies under six months.
It does get better I promise. Formula doesn't mean more sleep by the way. My son went on formula and it made no difference. It does sometimes promote a deeper sleep but this is what increases the sids risk. Can someone else take him after you've fed him?

Download the wonder weeks app. It's brilliant at telling you what your baby is going through developmentally and signs of development leaps x

Thanks everyone. Today hasn't been as bad and he was very pleasant this morning and only moderately cranky this afternoon.