Husband is driving me crazy!

[5upergirl25]

How do u deal with your husband when you feel like your being forced to "give in" to what he wants for your baby? I understand dads need to feel included but what he says does not go over well sometimes. He wanted the baby in her own room at 3mths but I breastfeed so that just made it hard on me. Then he tells me "she needs to cry herself to sleep ". He may have nerves of steel but i for one do not. I feel like he's saying "dont go comfort your baby". I just say she wont be a baby forever. He's a great dad but he's starting to annoy me. For a 1st time mom any suggestions?

Why does what he says go? Honestly, if you disagree with what he's saying why on earth are you going along with it?

I think pick your battles.

In things that are obviously wrong, for example being in own room at 3 months, and controlled crying before 6 months, just show him where the nhs website says it's wrong, He obviously just hasn't realised that it's not right for that age, so he just needs to educate himself.

For other things, don't forget it's not 'your baby', it's his baby too. Listen to what he thinks should happen, and see if you can come to a compromise together. His suggestions might be valuable. (Unless they're all like the 2 examples you posted in which case you've got bigger problems)

Ìf you are the one doing the night waking then you decide how and when they happen

Any part of parenting he takes responsibility for can be his decision.

If he can't sleep in the same room as the baby then he can move.

What luckiestgirl said ^

He is not the boss of you.

My XH tried all that, moved the cot into DS room at 3 months. I followed him, because I felt he was too small to be in a room by himself at that age. In fact, I never went back.
I can understand that you don't want to argue with your DH, but if you feel something he says isn't right for your baby, you have to do it the way you feel is best.

I think he's hoping to get his leg over quicker by moving the baby out

I like what was said up thread about showing that they need to be in your room until 6 months minimum. And if you're doing the night wakings you get to decide if you want to comfort baby

You're doing all the hard work on this so you get to call the shots. He doesn't sound like a great dad, tbh - he sounds like a selfish who can't be bothered with the less fun bits of parenting. I know a guy like this and now the baby is a toddler it's getting worse. Really, tackle it now.

He seemed fine in the beginning, at least for the 1st few mths. Now that the baby is soon to be 6mths, he says he feels like he doesn't get much say, but I don't know what gave him that idea. I've always let him do things & have some say before & after she was born. I do try to compromise with him. I also think there might be somethings in our marriage right now that he has no control over so that might be the case. Im trying to be a good mom & wife & I'm hoping for some balance soon.

I think that differences in parenting is quite a common source of tension between couples.

Don't let this drive a wedge between you. Talk to him. Sit down with him at a time when you're both ready to discuss things reasonably (not during or just after an argument on the subject!). Discuss the areas that you disagree upon - explain why you feel the way you do, and listen to his viewpoint too. Be prepared to give way on some points, but stand firm if it's something you feel strongly about. Try to reach a compromise that you can both support (e.g. "I don't agree with leaving her to cry, but we could buy a parenting book which gives tips to improve her sleeping and decide on an approach we both agree on").

I think some dads do feel pushed aside while the mum is on maternity leave and doing most of the childcare. Remember it's a good thing that he wants to be involved and make joint decisions. However, they must be joint decisions - not just him telling you what to do!

Thank you all for the encouraging words I'll try them & see what happens.

I had this sometimes with my DH, it irritated me so much, as most of it came from conversations he'd had with work colleagues and what they thought was a good idea. I did try to compromise where possible. I refused to let DD cry it out, and instead I followed the pick up, put down method. We moved her to her own room at five months, I wanted 6 months and DH wanted 4, like you I was breastfeeding and it was easier having her in with us. I wasn't the greatest with compromise to be honest and we did butt heads a few times, but now he leaves most choices up to me, which I feel bad about, because we're in this together.

Annlee3817 that is exactly what I tell myself, that were it together. I know men dont have the same "mother instincts ", they werent made like that. He says,"fine, you make all the decisions ". But that doesnt make me happy. I just wish he would be a little more accepting of when i take care of our dd needs. Thats all want.

How about getting him to explain his reasons for everything? Not in a challenging way, just so you can weigh up his suggestions and run it past HV, NHS website etc.
So if he wants baby in own room- why? How will that help?
Leave him to cry- How will that work?

If he wants the control, he needs to have done his research and be prepared to take the consequences.

Oh please. Fine you make all the decisions is a total cop out. So you disagree on something to do with the baby and that's his response? That's childish. You say you're trying to be a good wife-is he trying to be a good husband? BecUse it sounds to me like he is throwing his toys out of the pram!

Has he read any books or guidance? How much does he have to do with the nitty gritty of caring for the baby?

If he had sound ideas that you were rejecting you could discuss it like adults but he wants things that go against advice and is stroppy when he doesn't get it? It sounds like you've got your work cut out.