Overwhelmed by being a Mum

[Frazzledmum1977]

I have 2 dc, dd4 and SN ds3. My husband is wonderful and is a great support but he works long hours which are unpredictable and I feel so sad for him because when we got together my mental health was really stable and we were so happy.
I have had mental health problems for a long time but since becoming a mum I am crippled with severe anxiety and OCD symptoms, I have a deep fear of germs and sick.
This of course isn't helped with the children the ages they are. I have panic attacks if tummy aches are mentioned. I am washing my hands so much they are sore and now I feel my dd is starting to get a fear about it.
I have particular issues with losing the control and letting them go to school/nursery because of toileting, eating snacks/ mixing with kids etc.
I cant go out such as soft play, swimming pool etc.
I struggle with my ds because of his SN so we stay at home anyway because of this.
I am petrified of everything and wish I hadn't had children
We have no support, DH is almost NC with PILS and my dm makes everything seem so much more worse.
I dread my phone ringing from school or school pick up time. I wish I could disappear.
Docs have put me on some sort of mental health waiting list but I've had therapy before anyway. I have taken antidepressants for years.

Please offer any help/hope
Thank you

Im so sorry to hear you are feeling this way

I too have a degree of mental health issues (on antidepressants which do help). Sometimes if I am having a bad time with this I find parenting really really hard.

Is there anyway for you to be seen urgently?

I hope somebody will come along and offer more practical advice, but you have my empathy.

It's really hard when you go to school pick up and everyone else seems to be coping wonderfully. It is so isolating. 4 and 3 are very exhausting age range, especially with SN thrown in; I think it is a sign of what a kind and thoughtful mum you are that you are anticipating problems, after all these are problems that when your child has SNs are much much more wearing, toileting, outdoors, public places, noisy crowded public places.

You are not alone in feeling this way. That is the first thing. The second thing is that it is okay to ask for practical help with the children - lots of people find managing by themselves really hard, without any relations nearby, it isn't normal to have to do it entirely alone day after day. Friends or people you meet (I mean casual acquaintance through playgroup and school) can make so much difference. Even one person coming round for a cup of tea lightens the load and makes one feel less isolated.

I have a child with SNs (three dcs in total very close together in age) and know how it amplifies the anxieties when your children are little.

Also, please check Vitamin D, and thyroid levels. I found my anxieties were increased by very low Thryoid levels (dr can do blood test to check TSH) and non-existent vitamin D, again often worse when you are not getting out in sunshine much, low B vitamins. Dark choc, lots of leafy green vegetables, a prescription of thyroxine and big prescription dose of vitamin d, made a big difference. I think going outdoors a lot with the kids when little (parks, walks, errands in pushchair) probably saved my mental health then, later, when I went out less it noticeably declined. Also check for iron deficiency and anaemia, that can make you feel really tired and low too, and hopeless.

and hope to you, there is hope.