Sons inappropriate text messages may have crossed the line

[mumoftwoboysandhusband]

DS1 is 13, had few issues with watching inappropriate videos on utube etc in past. Partly our fault for being blasé about internet filters. Anyway couple of months ago he and friend were sending pictures of boobs/willies etc to each other on Skype that they found on google images. Dealt with that/ told other mum etc.

Now, my son is the class clown - always trying to make people laugh and has a slightly warped sense of humour, a bit risqué for his age shall we say. Tonight caught him on phone in bed so took it off him and looked at text messages . There were a few daft ones he sent today and a few swear words (not great but he's 13)... anyway most horrifying of all he sent a text message to his friend this afternoon which read 'I am having sexual experiences with my mother'.

Obviously furious asked him about it, says just trying to be funny/ make joke etc.. did not grasp the seriousness of this.

Now worried that friend will show his parents/ teacher etc and SS might come or police

Also worried about what is going on in sons head to write this!!!!

Help/ advice appreciated

Please stop calling him the 'class clown'. He is not the class clown, he is a rude and disrespectful teenager who doesn't know when to behave himself. You are minimising his behaviour and I can assure you that his teachers aren't thinking what a charming little comic he is and how delightful his humour is.

Thanks for the posts it is so reassuring to hear he is not the only one, I seriously was thinking he had some sort of MH issue/ psychosis

Obviously there will be discipline and consequences happening about this. I have already restricted his phone so there is no access to apps or Internet whatsoever. Unfortunately it doesn't allow me to restrict his text messages at the moment I might phone his mobile phone provider.

If school have any concerns about his behaviour they let me know. They have a couple of times in the past but nothing for ages now. I was only actually saying to him the other day how well he has been doing with his behaviour and now this!

I have decided I am not going to spend time and energy worrying about what might happen, DH and I are going to speak tonight about seriously what the plan is with him.

It is a pretty standard thing for teenage boys to say.

Times have changed, when I was a teen stupid behaviour could be forgotten but these days once 'stupid' comments or pictures are online then they are potentially there for a long time and can be seen by lots of people.

I think DC these days have to behave better than people who were teens pre-online social media.

You are being naive if you think it scare mongering of me to point out the potential consequences of this behaviour escalating. Perhaps I live in a very different area but it is taken seriously with young people already having received convictions or cautions for similar behaviour, or sending images of themselves. (An impulsive act that is not huge leap from the OP).
This is not my area but shows what a real issue this is. I am not inferring that a young person ought to have lifelong repercussions from such acts but that is the possible reality. To say that your 13-16yr olds do not understand what they are doing is ridiculous and proof that you have not had the appropriate, ongoing discussions about boundaries and responsible use of modern technology and social media.

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/children-young-ten-investigated-sexting-10609025.amp?client=safari

I think it's a different take on the old 'I shagged your mum' type comment that teenage boys say.
It's not nice, but it's not really about the mum in question.
Give him a bollocking, take his phone off him, and have a word about respect.

Thank you for the link - I will be making him read that tomorrow see if it gets through his thick skull!!

I think there are 2 things going on here

1. Kid said stuff on social media/text. He really needs to understand that anything he puts out there can be forwarded etc. It isn't at all the same as saying stuff to a friend on the way home from school. That is the reality of the world these kids live in.

1. I think it's a different take on the old 'I shagged your mum' type comment that teenage boys say

This struck me. In part because I kind of agreed until I thought about it a bit.

Why is it ok for teenage boys to say that they shagged their friends mum as an insult? Isn't it a shit thing to say? Isn't it reducing a woman - the other boy's mother to nothing more than a sexual object. If I heard my son say this about a friend's mum, I would be really angry.

Isn't this tolerance of "teenage boys" the reason - maybe - that teenage boys grow up to be men who don't understand why women don't think rape jokes are funny.

I agree with you Pallisers. I never said it was OK, just that this is the school of humour (for want of a better word) that I think it's come from.
There should definitely be a conversation about respecting women.
I just don't think it's an indicator of some underlying MH issue - just a very inappropriate 'joke'.