Struggling with parenting

[WorkLife]

Name changed for this.

I've got two DDs, 5 and 2. I work part time, 3 - 4 days a week and some on-call. My DH has been working part-time but is about to go full-time. We've been struggling with the whole work-life balance and are interviewing for childcare this weekend. I am feeling guilty that I don't do enough with my older DD, although when I look at what we actually do, it is loads.

She has started screaming like a toddler when she doesn't get her own way. The 2 year old does not do this and often looks shocked/ scared. This can be triggered by anything, from me telling her to hang up her coat, she could throw herself on the floor and scream that I am being horrible to her. Yet, every other day, asking her to hang her coat up doesn't cause this. Yesterday the screaming was because my DH had bought her a green water bottle and "green is a yucky colour". She screamed and screamed that the boys at school would laugh at her and that we were terrible parents.

Last week she complained I have not had any playdates since the Summer, which is true. I invited two friends over, on consecutive days. On both days, during the playdates, she was rude to me, calling me stupid, defying any directions. Yesterday, she completely trashed her room with her friend, throwing clothes, puzzle pieces, uniform, her sisters bedding, etc, etc all over the floor. I was on edge the whole time during the playdate and was feeling awful as I'd planned some things to do with the girls, e.g. cupcake baking or gingerbread men, but they screamed at me "we don't want to do that" and ran amok. She does not usually behave like that and I ended up screaming at her. I felt awful.

The 2 year old has had diarrhoea for a week and is up in the nights at the moment. I sleep between 1 am and 5 am and am exhausted and close to tears so much of the time.

At school, my DD's behaviour is great. In every class, everyone comments on how good, how polite, how helpful to others she is. She frequently gets certificates for having collected a high number of stars for good behaviour. This makes me feel completely useless as I feel it must be something I am doing wrong and I don't know what to do.

I feel like running away.

Hi worklife, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. My 6yo is very similar. I hadn't expected then to be having tantrums aged 6! Do you think there is an element of jealousy with the 2 yo? I find most of the acting out here is almost always linked to something like that, especially if one of the younger ones is ill. They see at it as me being more attentive to her.

I work FT, do does DH. It is very hard juggling it all and I think fantasising about running away is normal. It's just so full on and 'present'. If you're at work and super stressed you can mostly take a break, go for a quick wee even just to break it up and have 5 mins away from the problem. No such luck in my house. Wherever I go, they find me.

I've also thought maybe we're not doing enough with them but actually on balance I think we do loads too. When I was small we didn't do anything! You entertained yourself and that was the end of it. My mum is aghast sometimes at the attention my children get.

I hear that it's all just a phase and i cling to that. I read something on here the other day which stuck with me. If you're unhappy with the way you're reacting to your children's behaviour, imagine you are being filmed and making a programme about being the perfect parent and react in that way instead. Fake it til you make it etc. I've thought of it a couple of times this week and it worked! (Note : it didn't work for the other 458 times )

Thanks for that. It is so good to know it isn't just me and that other people find it rough as well. I like the filming idea! Will try that today.

No answers but I'm finding things hard atm as well (different ages, baby and 3yo). Just wanted to say you're not alone. I really don't know if there is a balance, or if it's bullshit. I don't know. What are we meant to do - stop working?! And it can seem that the more we give our kids the more they expect, anyway, so it's so hard to know what the answer is. I hope you get some more sleep soon, I think that is my main issue deep down. I'm chronically exhausted, it's horrible. Good luck soldier.