Hello, I am looking for some advice and opinions
My boy ( I do not understand the abbreviations used on mums net) is 7 in year two at school. He is in a big class of 32 children. And has not been invited to a party since January. It now being December means essentially he has not been invited to any of the other 31 ( assuming all children had parties, which i know is unlikely to be the case) children's parties ( there is one more birthday left before January).
It breaks my heart as he is distressed by this. This feeling of exclusion, he thinks noone likes him because of this. However his class teacher tells me, he plays well with all children in the class. from what i can tell he doesnt have one single close friend or group, but changes who he plays with on a regular basis. I deem this a positive, however could potentially mean he isnt making any particularly close bonds, so not being invited to parties. There is a lot more to this story, so I will explain all.
I am not a mum who thinks every single child should be invited to the party I fully understand and sympathise that parties are expensive, however not being invited to ANY parties seems extreme. His class mates will talk about parties coming up, or when they have been so I know there are many parties of his friends that he has not been invited too, as my child tells me.
Some history : His class has many boys who struggled going into year one, last academic year and they were all play-fighting alot but not understanding the boundaries. several of the boys ( my son included) were placed in thrive sessions, and on the SEN register too. My boy went through a patch of really struggling, but he was not the only one. I tried talking with the other mums, to find out what was happening at school, to work together to help all our children and this back fired when a mum posted on facebook in a public status naming my child for having punched theirs, and stating it is bad parenting. ( Turns out this was not even true once all the facts from the children came out!) I obviously was angered, I spoke to the school asking them to speak to the mother and ask her to remove the post. The school told me i could press charges for naming a child ( my son has a unusual name as well) publicly on social media, and slander. I didnt. The school then advised me to also delete the mums from the playground from my facebook, I did as they advised, and decided to distance myself from the toxic situation - I am a single mum, trying to balance a stressful career and parenting and decided i didnt need this added unnecessary stress - My child, like many hasnt had it easy in his few years of life so far, he witnessed domestic abuse, his family becoming fragmented, his dad neglecting him, and he may have dyspraxia. The last party ( in January ) my child was seated next to another child who was just as boyestrous, just as troubled and known to rub each other up the wrong way ( the other child would pester and annoy mine with aggression and being in his personal space until my child would then eventually say enough is enough and lash out back, i witnessed this on a few occasions and the school said the same.) So I approached the birthday childs mum swiftly and said they will fight, she cut me off and said your child will be asked to leave!!?? I was trying to say, they will fight can we change the seating? Well seconds later, the other child was punching mine, poking his face, annoying him. a few minutes into the game, my child lashed out. and i took my child out, told him his behaviour was inappropriate, and didnt let him play the rest of the game, but this could of been avoided. i felt bitter at this.
Over the course of the year my child has calmed down, stopped fighting. teachers say he is a joy in the class room and playground, he is doing amazingly academically, i witness him in social situations such as taekwondo, football and dance lessons, and in the park, down the beach, when I took him to butlins over the summer ( he would go up and make friends and play brilliantly) may i just stress he was not the only boy to behave and play aggressively at school a group of about 7 from his class where all the same a year ago.
I do not understand why he has not been invited to parties, why he is left out. It really is upsetting him and myself. I am not going to join in with the class mums socials, as they are very two faced. it is a toxic group of women. And i dont have the childcare to attend anyway. However i do still speak to a good handful of the mums on the one pick up I do each week.
Today at pick up a mum mentioned her childs birthday in two weeks, i have always had good rapport with this mum ( she is a childminder, and we have been discussing my child going to her after school as my current child minder is moving away) , and our children went to nursery together as well. I asked is he having a party? She changed the subject. We chatted about said subject, I then asked is ds invited, only he hasnt been invited to any party since January and he cries at home about this. She tried to change the subject again. So I persisted. She then said is he still naughty???!!! Does he still need to go to lunchtime club?? ( a thrive session he attends once a week at lunch times ) I explained the teachers are very impressed with him the recent parents evening was glowing, he has come far since last year. ( her child was also one of the problematic boys!) another mum came over at this point and the conversation changed so i dropped the issue.
I am dreading my child finding out about his friends party in two weeks and once again not being invited. How do I help him deal with this again? How do i deal with stopping this issue? Im so angered by it all. One of his friends ( me and the mum do not get along, but that shouldnt make any difference to the children's friendships, right?! - this child was invited to my child's party in September and they didnt attend!)
I do not wish for any negative responses, I am looking for some advice on how to support my child, and how to stop this in the future without having to be overly friendly with a bunch of mothers who are far to negative for me.
Please like I said no negativity to me, life is hard enough im a single mum, with very little support, working long hours in a stressful career which often leads to me bringing work home, as well as some self employed work to provide for my child, having a particularly stressful few weeks with being asked to vacate rented accommodation in a three week timeframe for refund of rent as landlord wishes to move back in before Christmas. the guilt of not being around in the week for my child destroys me but im doing all i can to build myself and my child back up after some horrific few years when he was younger. so only support and guidance wanted thank-you in advance.