I was a cow to my 5yo - please be kind

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

This is so bloody ridiculous and pathetic on my part, but I so need a bit of reassurance.

To cut a long story short, I have hyperacusis - an extreme sensitivity to noise that I developed following slight hearing loss as a teen. It was diagnosed a few years ago. Not all noises affect me negatively, but some cause me actual physical pain - the worst offenders, by far, are mouth noises. Eating in particular. If someone's eating loudly or sloppily, I have to leave the vicinity; it feels like I'm having knives driven into my skull, I become physically agitated, feel sick, and feel overriding and irrational anger. This is relevant.

A couple of days ago, 5yo DS1 was eating his breakfast. He chomps needlessly sloppily and loudly, because his friends do it - he's cheerfully told me this! DH and I asked him a few times, calmly, to pack it in. He wouldn't. I could feel the anger bubbling as my head was starting to pound with the noise. I couldn't leave the room (as I normally would) at that moment as we were rushing to get organised for the day.

He then did an exceptionally loud and dribbly chomp, and I lost it. I SCREAMED at him. Not for any length of time, it was an outburst of 'DS1! I SAID STOP CHOMPING!', and everyone fell silent. Even DH looked taken aback. DS1's face fell, and he sat with his lip wobbling. He was trying SO hard not to cry, and my heart just broke for him. He's a sensitive little soul and I'm rarely so angry.

He was so hurt, and probably frightened. I rushed to cuddle him, told him I was sorry, and that Mummy's head was hurting very badly but I shouldn't have got so cross at him. He gave me a cuddle back, but he was very quiet for some time afterwards.

How the bloody hell do I manage this? I'm waiting to be referred to the ENT clinic for further tests and to see if I qualify for desensitisation therapy, but in the meantime, I'm just gritting my teeth and trying not to lose it at A FIVE YEAR OLD when he's eating.

He was fine when I picked him up from school later that day, but he has a long memory and I know he won't forget my outburst in a hurry. I feel sad and guilty that I made my lovely little boy feel the brunt of my hearing related anger. How's he supposed to understand something like hyperacusis? This isn't HIS problem, it's mine.

Sorry for the essay. I just wish I could get a grip and take it all back.

Do you know what I think we've all been there at one time or another. I've got three kids and two have Sen the youngest very severe and on a few occasions I've yelled and made them cry and I feel terrible. You've apologised and maybe in a quieter moment explain about your issues with noise. It must be horrible for you though.

I don't have any sensory or hearing issues and have snapped at my DD (also 5) for her ridiculously noisy eating more than once. I sympathise. She also says she does it because her friends do - specificially because one particular friend says "it's really funny"

If you are rarely an angry, shouty mum I wouldn't worry about it. Kids need to learn that sometimes their actions affect others and sometimes others won't like it. You had already asked nicely a couple of times so it shouldn't have come as a total shock.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Msqueen, that's a good idea - trying to explain it to him in a quieter moment, when neither of us are stressed by it.

It IS horrible. It's the bane of my life. And it just feels so silly, experiencing pain when people eat!

I feel a bit better knowing you've lost it due to things that are out of your control too - it's not easy, is it?

onecurrant, I can be shouty (I have 2 boys who fight constantly!), but my tone this time was so different he couldn't help but be shocked by it.

I'm also really glad I don't have the only 5yo who finds this funny! Does your DD know my DS?!

Can you try wearing ear pods? My autistic son often has his ear pods in to give a bit of a barrier from sound even if they are not attached to anything. He tends to use them when we go to the theatre or rare supermarket trips.

I ate in the kitchen away from my parents my whole childhood and learned to suck anything remotely crunchy so it didn't make a noise. I still have a really good relationship with them. Honestly, you're doing okay. You apologised and it's only human to snap sometimes. Please don't beat yourself up over this.

What, just like ordinary in-ear headphones, Meadows? I might give that a try - background noise helps in some situations as it drowns out the single noise that's causing the problems - but I'm willing to give anything a go!

TheFlounder, that's good to know - I do feel quite sad for childhood you though, having to sit in the kitchen on your own!

I think I have misophonia so not the same thing but totally understand why you can't bear it. Mouth noises are the worst (I'm impressed that I've never thrown my dog out of the window.)

I wouldn't beat yourself up over a not ideal response. I won't let my kids eat disgustingly and I tell them often - they need to learn! (I've ended relationships as a teenager/20 something if a man ate horribly. I think it's our duty as parents to not send our kids out into the world with appalling habits.)

Is it possible for DH to organise breakfast while you take yours elsewhere? I personally don't think yelling is a bad thing in this situation considering he's 5 and you and your dh told him to stop, but if it makes you feel awful then just remove yourself from that kind of situation.

(Just to add "normal" eating noises I can just about live with, but if they start deliberating eating with mouths open they hear about it!)

whowantsadog, I've ended relationships over exactly the same thing - it's even worse when adults do it, because they can HELP it. My 2yo often chomps, because he's still learning how to eat certain foods. An adult though? Unless they have a genuine medical issue that means they can't chew properly, it's grim.

DailyMail, we do this when DH is at home - we have a little table for the DC to eat at, which they like because it's all theirs, so it doesn't make it look like I'm 'avoiding' them, if you see what I mean. That way we can still eat together, but I'm at a safe distance from the racket!

I should add, we were doing the 'little table' routine that morning, but the noise was LOUD and we don't put the TV on to drown it out before the school run, or we'd never leave the house on time!

BeautyGoesToBenidorm - hyperacusis is awful, the pain can be beyond description and you can only endure for so long (I've been diagnosed for many years).

Explaining is good, you also need to work out when to walk away and when to tell your ds to leave the room/table/etc.

I hope you can have your hearing desensitised, I had desensitisation therapy but it didn't work - it was just hours of audio torture - but when it does work it's life changing.