How do you explain the what happens hen you're dead question

[Ilovebeingmehonest]

My son is 8 and has always asked from time to time on the what happens when you're dead question. Except this time he was distressed and really crying and said he wanted to know what happens. DH and I are scientists and not particularly religious and I want them to make up their own mind but it was really heartbreaking as I can't give assurances you go to heaven or become a ghost. He was really tired at the time but I was really concerned as he said he didn't want to live. I hope he got his explanation wrong. He was fine the next day but did say he hoped there was a God and heaven though clearly he was still worrying. Do you get this often? WWYD?

Oh gosh, I can only help you from a religious point of view but my 4 year old seemed happy with the response I gave her.

she actually asked why we needed graves if we all went to heaven when we die

I told her (in 4 year old words) that our ghosts go to heaven (she doesn't grasp the word spirits yet) and our bodies stay here. I said heaven was the best place on earth she could imagine, different for all of us. She then went onto ask if me and her father would be there, I said yes.

If your son seems like he believes then let him believe, it seems to give him some comfort so that's good. Its hard as there are plenty of non believers and I do wonder what they are told when they ask that dreaded question :-) hope you manage to sort it hun

I've approached this by saying that nobody knows for sure; some people believe that the spirit goes to heaven to be with god and the angels, some people believe that the spirit comes back in the form of another person or animal and that some people think that nothing happens at all, that deathe is The End. Followed by discussion about whether we'd prefer to come back as next door's spoiled cat or live with angels.

I feel a bit mean now my two would tell you that you get buried and eaten by worms (or burned at the crematorium) and new people are being born all the time. And you're never really gone because you're still loved and remembered.

My mother was very involved with my dd when she was little, and very aware that she was older than most grandmas and likely to die when dd was quite young. She used to tell dd about the circle of life, how people moved on to make space for new people, and how all the atoms of our bodies go to make new things, other people and animals and flowers and trees. Dd read a lovely piece of writing from Brian Cox out at her funeral, and still has it pinned to her notice board. I'll see if I can find it.

Here. "Our story is the story of the Universe. Every piece of everyone and everything you love, of everything you hate, of everything you hold precious was assembled in the first few minutes of the life of the Universe, and transformed in the hearts of stars, or created in their fiery deaths. When you die, those pieces will be returned to the Universe in the endless cycle of death and rebirth. What a wonderful thing to be part of that Universe. And what a story. What a majestic story!"

My mother died when dd was 3.5yrs. They had been very close and we were very open about it with her. We told her that when people die they just stop existing, but that we think of them and remember them. My mother had a woodland burial, which dd attended so she saw the coffin and watched my mum being buried. We talked about how her body will feed the trees and the animals and so new life will come from her death.

My nan also died about a year ago, so we have had plenty of opportunities to talk about it with dd. She is refreshingly matter of fact about the whole business.

My four year okd asked me recentky if people can go mouldy when theyre dead like vegetables do which I found rather creepy

We're atheists.

Our DC has been told that there is nothing when you die. No pain, just nothing. Your heart stops beating and your brain stops working. You no longer exist, except in the memories of the people you leave behind.

DC(5) accepts this. She also accepts that others have different views and that smiling and nodding is the best course of action when others share their views.

I told my 4 year old that no one really knows, but people believe lots of different things. Some people think you go to Heaven, which they think is a lovely place above the sky, and stay there. Some people think you come back to life and live again as someone or something else. And mummy and daddy think you break down into tiny pieces and become part of the earth and the trees and the stars and the universe again - which was the gentlest way I could think of to explain our own lack-of belief!

She seemed quite happy with this; decided she likes the sound of reincarnation best, and wants to come back as a pony.

I don't think there's a right or wrong to this, just be guided by your child. I find they usually make up their own minds but just need a few sensitively put ideas.
We believe in heaven so that's what we told ds and he's happy with that.