RL help with baby

[Cinnamon84]

Have posted several other posts about difficulties getting baby to nap, how he hates pram, car seat and bath and how we have no routine.

These problems started about 5 weeks ago not sure it's a leap/phase. Feel like it's getting more difficult everyday, to the point where I avoid people visiting/ going out for fear of him screaming (which often happens cos I can't get him to sleep) He's 16 weeks now.

Is there anyone in real life who can help, or see where I'm going wrong here? All of my other friends with babies are going out for lunch, leaving baby with babysitters and I feel like I can't. DP thinks I should ask a HV- would they help with this kind of thing?

DP and family are supportive, just feel very isolated as I'm home with the baby everyday

Has he got colic? Have you tried putting him in a darkened room on his own to cry and then fall asleep naturally? Try some baby massage techniques? Does he seem in pain when he's crying?

Where do you live? The HV would advise on ways to get him to sleep etc but they wouldn't provide help with being able to leave him to go out etc

Sling. DS2 is 6 months and spends his naps in a sling do that I've got hands free to do other stuff.

It does get easier, 16 weeks is tiny and they're very needy when they're tiny.

Also Google PURPLE crying - colic doesn't really exist, it's just unexplained crying.

Aww it sounds hard yes your HV can help and support you give them a ring you cant be stuck in the house babies do cry though but if you think your baby is crying an awful lot then get him checked over.

Yeah the sling is the only thing that gets him to sleep, but only after crying first- this is even after only being asleep an hour or so so before he's overtired.

Re- babysitter I don't mind not going out without him it's more than I don't know how they'd take his meltdowns! And friends with babies are going for lunch with babies in prams, I just don't know how they do it

I've tried putting him to sleep in a dark room- his cries just get louder and louder and I thought he was too young to CIO.

Not sure about colic, this all seems to be a fairly recent thing- he sleeps next to me on the bed ok at night, he nnormally goes straight back down after feeding

My DS is 5 months old, and we managed to accidentally fall into routine a couple of months ago. It sounds like your LO is having the dreaded sleep regression. I was waiting for that, but it hasn't happened to us yet.

What seemed to work for his sleep was

1. During the day, keeping the TV or radio on, being active around him, even when he was sleeping
2. At night time, dim all the lights, lower the volume and talk in muted tones.
3. In general, as soon as I notice signs of tiredness, I put him in his moses basket or cot bed. Look out for the signs after an hour as most babies this age can only stay awake for a maximum of 2 hours.
4. At the beginning, we swaddled him. we now use sleeping bags, which he seems to love and I think it signals to him that it's nap / bed time.
5. Always make sure he's full and his nappy is changed before trying to get him to nap.
6. If he's not settling, I hold him until he's calmer and half asleep, then put him in the cotbed. I try to avoid letting him sleep on me as I don't want it to be a habit.

In general, we have a cycle of nap for an hour (usually longer in the mornings) - > bottle, change nappy - > play time, tummy time - > nap time. He is also sleeping up to 8 - 10 hours per night at the moment.

Bath time - I think it's important that you try to make it a routine so he can get used to it. Our DS has a bath every 2 days, and DP usually helps. We talk and sing to him whilst bathing him. Then afterwards he gets wrapped up in a towel and dressing gown, I moisturise his skin thoroughly (ends up turning into a baby massage session) and then give him a bottle. At this point, he's getting really sleepy so then he goes in his cot bed and is out like a light :)

Car seat and pram - he might just need to get used to them. DS also hated the car seat the first 5 - 10 times, he screamed when we strapped him in. He's much calmer now.

i have no idea if what I've said is helpful. i almost feel like I'm bragging a little bit :( If it sounds like that, I apologise :)

My DS didn't like baths at first but now loves them. He has a funny thing about being naked (but was ok getting nappy changed as would be partially clothed!). So we made the house extra hot before the bath so that he was extra warm. We also made the bath really short and gradually built up the time as he began to enjoy it.

Does he like a music box or singing? If so it may be worth trying that while you bathe him to see if it helps.

Sorry no other hints & tips beyond what other PPs have said about the HV/sling etc.
It sounds like it's getting you down so best of luck I hope you find some things that work.

Also, try your local children's centre. If nothing else you can go there with a screaming baby & someone will make you a cup of tea.

I had a daytime screaming baby too. It was horrible but she did stop eventually.

Yes, HV should be able to help, though they vary enormously in quality (I've had two rubbish ones and an absolutely brilliant one who helped no end with sleep probs.)

If it makes you feel any better at all, all of mine were horrible nappers at that age. My twins spent most of the first 6 months of their life crying because they were overtired and wouldn't sleep, and the 4 month mark was the absolute worst. They're 9 months now and nap beautifully in their cots (and are much, much happier for it.) They do grow out of it, but I know it's rubbish while it lasts. Have faith, it will pass!

I think you should go out meet your friends and the babies even if your baby cries thats ok im sure your friiends will understand dontbe stuck in the house and the childrens centre suggestion is great if you have 1 near yougo along.

These are not 'problems' Cinnamon. This is a perfectly normal baby who needs his mum to sleep. Not all babies are like this, so you have friends who have babies who can sleep more independently, but yours needs support and that is fine. Your two biggest clues are that he sleeps in a sling, albeit with a bit of fuss beforehand, and he sleeps fine next to you at night. This is biologically normal. It's hard for you but you're up against several billion years of evolution telling him he has to sleep separate from you, if you want to 'fix' it.

So let him sleep on or with you for all naps. What kind of a sling are you using? My DS2 really didn't like the pram in his early months so he went in a wrap sling for his first few weeks then into a Connecta and we never had to stay in.

Oh, car seat was also a no-go for DS2. He was hysterical in it and if he fell asleep there, it was only from stress and exhaustion. Putting him on the front seat where he could see me went some way towards alleviating this (this is perfectly legal as long as the airbags are switched off). I also did a lot of driving one-handed while holding a dummy in his mouth like this.

Oh, and 16-20 weeks is mainly a pile of developmentally leaping shit you have to grit your teeth and wade through, unfortunately. You're not doing anything wrong, it just is.

IT sounds really normal to me. My kids have only been calm and sleepy with boob or sling and then not always. Don't judge your baby by what other parents claim!