4 year old refuses to go the loo

[meejaperson]

Have contributed elsewhere (still getting the hang of this talk business) but am looking for advice on what to do with dd1 who's 4.5 years old and has just started wetting and pooing herself again and refuses to go to the loo even when it is blindingly obvious she's desperate to go. Have been angry, have been nonchalant, have a star chart - nothing seems to work for very long. She only got potty trained after a long hard slog and lots of bribes. She's still in nappies at night. Any tips?

Sympathy, meejaperson, this is a difficult one. If she's been clean and dry in the past, time to talk to professionals I'd say. HV or GP.

Thanks, Elasticwoman. I think we'll ask the doc what she thinks. DD1 has been clean and dry more or less from the age of 3 with occasional accidents. It might be linked to tiredness; dd2 typically wakes at 5.30 or 6am and they share a room so dd1 doesn't get the full night's sleep she needs at the mo

It can be an attention-seeking thing when a child has a younger sibling. Has that already crossed your mind?

No - that hadn't crossed my mind. DD2 is two years old know so I guess I thought DD1 would be used to having her around by now but maybe DD2 is taking up more of my attention

How has it been over the last few days - any more deliberate accidents?

Hi, meejaperson, have similar situation here, but my son has never properly got the hang of the toilet, seems you have a power struggle thing going on. Spoke to my HV she said to ignore everything - extremely hard to do! If your daughter receives no attention for pooing herself etc she will probably sort herself out eventually, have you tried making her clean herself up totally on her own? could be very messy and not very practical I know! might be worth a try though? lots of sympathy!