Being a rubbish mother to twins

[clutterbuck]

Please feel free to give me a kick up the backside.
I have 4YO twin boys. They are wonderful and I love them but I'm a rubbish mother. I have tried so hard to do nice things with them and I've tried to be kind and gentle and like the mum you see in magazines.
But I'm failing miserably. They fight a lot. I shout a lot. I've no patience left.
I'm exhausted and when they wake me up at the crack of dawn I', grumpy from the word go.
I've tried so very hard to be a good mum but I feel like I'm failing. I'm bad tempered, short with them and grumpy.
I'm bogged down with trying to be a mum and trying to hold a house together and a job.
If anyone can offer any wise words on how to be a better mum or how to muddle through to bedtime I'd love to know.
What makes a good mum? And how can I be one?
X

Let's feel sorry for ourselves together!

My twin girls are 4 and I am in the same boat as you. If one is being co operative the other isn't so we have a difficult run pretty much all time.

Mine are at pre school and we've entered a whole new challenge. I won't go into the details but my God it's so hard.

You have my sympathy. It sucks.

The problem with twins is there is no natural hierarchy, everything is a potential fight to the death.
Seeing they are both still alive, you are doing ok.
Give it another 20 years and they will get on fine.

My twins are 19 months and every day is a battle to stop them from clawing each other's eyes/pulling hair/rugby tackling each other.

I've a 3.2 yo too and I spend so much time feeling massively guilty that I don't give any of them the attention they deserve.

We try to give each child some individual attention but it's hard. We both work full time and we love our boys to bits but man alive it's hard!

You're doing your best; that's all you can do!

I read a bit of Janet Lansbury's writing. She has good insights and is good at "simplifying" parenting.

Empathy

My twins are now 14 - I would like to tell you that it gets easier, but that would be a lie.

However, we have found that it does get better as they older in a whole lot of ways: the physical demands lessen, the shouting lessens as they begin nursery / school, the sleeping gets better. That's the bright side.

What we're finding hard now is the emotional, teenage hormonal aspect. That knocks you for six in quite a different way - but hey, that's why gin was invented

I promsie that this is a phase and in 6 months' time, you'll feel a lot better. Is there any way that you can have a day or weekend off clutter? A bit of a break, however brief, can sometimes recharge you mentally and give you the boost you sound like you need.

Thank you for your lovely replies.I feel such solidarity with other twin mums! X

It must be relentless. Sounds like you've got lots on your plate with work as well. Is then anything you could do to to give yourself a bit of head space? Get a cleaner maybe, or put them in nursery for a half day while you take some leave?

Every so often, get your pjs on when they do, get into a big bed with one under each arm and read until you all fall asleep. Really good for cold dark nights, keeps you well warm and reminds you how brilliant they can be. Stay there all night, do not get up and finish the washing up.

Thank you pestilence.
I will do that tomorrow night and report back.Such a lovely thing to do. Sod the washing up!

Can I join? I have 5 year boys.
I'm currently sat on my bed on the verge of tears, I honestly don't think I can take much more.
My blood pressure is getting high I'm constantly shouting and I'm just sick of the sound of my own voice.
One of them is like he's on a massive downer all the time, we was doing some Xmas crafts tonight and he was literally sour faced all the way through, it just makes me not want to do anything with them.

I love them to death but god what am I doing so wrong as a mother?

Do you have a partner? If so are they sharing the parenting etc?

Yes dozer. My partner works very long hours. Sometimes overnight. So I am often on my own with them.
Of course youcan, myname. I have been there too. I was sobbing as I hoovered last week. I bunged them in front of the tv but they saw me cry. Not that it bothered them but they saw that I was upset.
Can we start a group somewhere for twin mums who are struggling? I've seen aquaintances with twins who seem to do it all right and be completely amazing at everything. But I'm treading water and being a bit crap. It is fricking hard. Damn damn hard X

Thank you, some days are better than others and we've often had nights like pestilence suggested, but I don't know it just seems to be getting harder.
I've been on my own with them from day one so it's not like I'm not used to it.
I just wish they were better behaved and a little bit more grateful.

You've got them to age 4....well to me that's a massive achievement in itself, got them through toddling stage not to mention baby stage - well done you OP

I've just got 1 almost 4 year old DS and he drives me loopy...having two of him??? Sticking needles in my eyes be preferable

That will be much harder then: perhaps he could make some changes?