What do your partners do to help?

[reign1]

Just wondering what your other halves do to help.. I find mine does very little without having to be told

We had twins so dh had no choice but to get stuck in from day one.

He works 6 days a week and does everything I do. Admittedly not to the standard I would like but I try not complain and we are a team and need one another.

I work evenings so team work is vital.

reign1 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:30:41
"As I started breastfeeding I did everything."

This really does not follow. There is no link whatsoever between milk flowing from your breasts and wiping poo off an infant's bottom. You will find that women who bottle feed are still able to change and settle their babies, so there is absolutely no reason the father of a breastfed baby shouldn't.

In our case, it was precisely because I was breastfeeding that dh did most of the other baby care when we were both in the house. Breastfeeding is tiring and time consuming.

It may be that it is harder for him to get started now: you will have got all that experience and your own set ideas as to how things "should" be done. You may need to cut him a little slack and remember that 4 months ago you were as clueless as he is now. But don't let that be an excuse for him not to do it: didn't work for you 4 months ago, did it?

My husband doesn't 'help' parent his own kids.

My DH doesn't "help" he is an equal parent to our child.

DH parents and maintains his own living environment in the same way that I do.

Admittedly I'm in the house more than he is, so I create (and tidy) more of the mess. But he is as capable as I am of putting on the laundry/running around with a vacuum cleaner/doing the dishwasher. He did have a blind spot when it came to the bathroom or an aversion to putting his hand down the loo but I forgive him as we've got a cleaner now so it's not my problem either.

I'm breastfeeding our 7mo, and he still parents her and our other DC. This morning he got up with all three while I slept - I came down and he has fed them, dressed them, changed the baby, got her down for a nap, and tidied up the kitchen (including turning around the dishwasher). I'm currently feeding DD2 and he has popped to the shops to get things for dinner and some wine.

I mention things to him that he hasn't noticed sometimes (BINS!) and he does them - but by and large I don't have to.

DP does loads now and has done as much with DS2 as I have.
He hasn't always been like this though and we've had loads of arguments in the past about him not doing anything unless I asked him. Looking back I honestly don't think things like polishing or putting a load of washing on crossed his mind. He never complained if I asked him but I told him it made me feel like his mom rather than his partner always asking him.
It's much better now as we have our own jobs, he does all the washing up. I do all the laundry. He cuts the grass, I iron. We keep on top of our own jobs.
He's always been 50/50 with our DS', he's had them both from a young age while I was at work.

My DH would do bathtime, feeding, bedtime, playing, taking him to nursery, taking him to the park, getting him dressed, change nappies - everything I did, he would do (and actually was at home more than me as I worked 9-5 and he was a postie finishing his round at lunchtime and would collect DS from nursery).

I wouldn't call it helping though. I'd call it being a dad.

Helping? He lives in the house and they are his kids! It's not helping. It's being an equal partner.
Right now I'm on mat leave and he works long hours so I look after ds in the day, usually cook dinner and do most of the housework. Once he's home we split things 50:50. He does everything I do except BF.

Once I'm back at work we will arrange drop offs and pick ups around our v busy jobs and split the rest 50:50. I have things I prefer to do (laundry) and he has things he prefers but otherwise we are a team

It is definitely worth sitting down and having a good chat about how this is affecting you and how he can change to support you. It has to be a partnership.

My DH works full time and I'm on Mat Leave so I probably do slightly more childcare/home care than he does but mainly as I'm home more. Ive struggled at times (particularly when breastfeeding all night) and he's always tried to do what he can to give me a break or even just a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on. He was the one up with the baby all night last night. Yes, there will always be some times when one of us seems to be doing everything (if busy at work etc) but give and take is so important - otherwise it affects your mood and health.

Pre baby we has set jobs e.g. I did clothes washing and he did dish washer but now it is a little bit more fluid when it comes to house work.

Our baby is 6 months and DH has a chronic health condition which makes him very tired. During the week, morning he empties dish washer and runs the steriliser after work he baths baby and put her to bed while I make dinner, then he tidies up kitchen while I shower and dry my hair. On Friday and Saturday nights we alternate who does the many night feeds. I have found at weekends DH needs prompts about what the baby needs e.g. Baby woke up at 10 so she will be tired about 11.30 but I also have had to leave to step back to allow him to be in charge of parenting.

As I am on maternity leave I am responsible for buying her clothes etc but he is child proofing the house.

DH and I split everything fairly evenly. He may do a bit more house work than me, and I sort out more of the admin stuff, but parenting is pretty much right down the middle.

I have a friend who's husband does absolutely fuck all, doesn't know how to work the washing machine and calls looking after his son "babysitting" as it happens so infrequently. It's disgusting and I have no idea why she is still married to him. He has never even changed a nappy. Urgh it makes me so angry!

When we had DS, DH was working full time and odd hours, but when he was home he held, bathed, burped DS after feeds, changed nappies. He cut my dinner up and put it within reach when I had milk-monster DS cluster feeding at dinner times If he was having trouble sleeping in our bed because I was sitting up to feed DS he went off and slept on the sofa without complaint.

Once DS was 18 months old we 'swapped' roles - I went back to work f/t and he became a SAHD. We both read with DS. We both take him to the park, or out to the museum or wherever - we both make sure the other gets lie-ins when tired, he does most of the cooking through the week so I cook at weekends. We both do laundry, we both tidy and clean (admittedly he's less bothered by mess than I am so I'm more likely to dust or put things away but if I point things out that he's left lying around he'll put them away). We're both grown-ups, we're both parents, we're both living in the house generating mess, wanting nice meals to eat, clean clothes to wear, a happy son, so we both work at it.

A couple of people on here before have had some success drawing up a list of household jobs that need doing, roughly how long they take, and sitting down to have a good think about what's actually fair in terms of 'labour'.

TBH DH was a bit useless with DD1. I pretty much did everything. He never really got stuck in but I never really "invited" him to either. Housework was prob 70/30 to me too as I was working PT to his FT.

Since DD2 arrived everything is now 50/50 because I couldn't manage any other way. I sort dinner and laundry most afternoons while with the DC but once he's home from work he takes over DD1- takes her out for a bit maybe, playing, bathing, PJs, story, bed. I sort DD2. Then we regroups downstairs, tidy up together and then he makes us a cuppa.

We are actually both much happier now.