Just totally lost it with 3 year old over potty training...feel so ashamed

[pjsgalore]

Ugh I just feel so awful. My 3 year old DD is having a nightmare with pooing - has a poo phobia I think.

She was potty trained with wee 6 months ago - never has an accident - but just will not poo on the potty or loo. She waits for days then goes in her sleep in her night-time nappy.

I have tried EVERYTHING. Reward charts, buying presents when she does (occasionally) do one, reading books, a nappy over her potty.hugging her as she goes, ipads - everything. And she just won't do it. She basically starts telling me she needs to, sits on the loo, cries, gets up, comes back, sits, cries, gets up etc.

So today, after a huge long episode of this (ie telling me she needs to go, putting her on the loo, 2 seconds later her getting off, crying etc) she went all over the floor - and I just was so CROSS. I didn't smack or really shout. But I was livid and it was obvious. I told her she was a naughty girl... I ended up putting her to bed - angrily - without a book or a song (which we do every night). I KNOW It's not her fault, and she's not being naughty. I just couldn't keep my shit together. I just feel so guilty. It's just a fricking nightmare!!!!! Any stories, advice, help - anything - would be so appreciated. I feel like such a shit parent!!!!

Don't feel bad - I had exactly the same problem with my dd. Potty training for wees went like a dream both day and night, but like other posters she would literally bring me a nappy for a poo. V frustrating but just go with it, she will get there eventually. For my dd, we were round the in laws with her cousins,I told her I had no nappies and she went on the toilet. Once she had done it for the first time she was fine after that. I then hid the rest of the nappies in the house and that was that! She did have constipation issues too and was on movicol which we only managed to wean her off in the last 6 months (she's now 5). Totally understand your frustration, we've all been there

You are not a shit parent.

It occurred to me recently that maybe for children, their muscles in that area aren't developed enough to feel properly in control of pooing. I imagine it's like doing your first poo after giving birth vaginally - you just don't feel safe with it and I reckon that's because your muscles in that area have been weakened temporarily. So I can see why my DS is reluctant to do it in the loo - the pull-up helps the sensation of holding things in, much like holding a pad to your bum after childbirth gives you the confidence to poo!

I could have written your post about my ds a few months ago, including losing my rag with him.

He started withholding poo, after a day or 2 we'd start getting skid marks in pants multiple times a day then eventually he'd go overnight and the cycle would start again. When the dirty pants started I'd be trying all sorts to try and get him to poo but to no avail. Nothing worked until we went to the GP and got some movicol.

I think the movicol keeps everything soft enough to pass without pain and also means they can't withold. It hasn't caused any accidents for ds and we have got into a routine of doing a poo before putting nappy on at bedtime which seems to work. We have had occasional regressions usually when our routine is different, but things are so much better than they were 6 months ago. he now has different tactics for making me lose my temper! Seriously though, it sounds like she does need some laxatives so I'd book an appointment with the GP.

Just some encouragement that most reluctant pooers get there eventually. Started potty training DD at 2.5, she started weeing appropriately after a couple of weeks, but pooed in her pants for an entire year. She clearly had control, as she hid to do it, and only did it outside the house about 3 times (all long days out). We did go for bribery in the end, but I wonder if simply growing up a bit and developing a little more was what really helped her. Even now (a few months later) she much prefers to poo on the potty rather than the toilet, unless her bowels are loose - I've read it's a better position as her feet are supported. No other help here I'm afraid!

MoMandaS that's a good point actually! I had forgotten the fear of pooing after the birth! If that's what it feels like no wonder they don't want to go in the toilet.

At this point I wish I could just get her to ask for a pull up rather than pooing in her pants most of the time .

Thank you all so much. I feel so much better after reading these - and armed with new ideas! I love the bubble blowing idea!! And thank you for your reassurance. I KNOW in my head she'll get there...I just need to try to keep kind and calm and not lose the plot. Early nights so I'm full of sleep - and patience - shall be the name of the game! THANK YOU.

Glad you're feeling better . Well my DD has pooed in the bath today for the first time in about a year, with her older sister in it . Genuinely have no idea whether she can control it or not so have no choice but to assume she can't. Keep telling myself it will get better...

The bubbles really helped in our house with the Fear of Pooing. Or, distraction with an ipad if you are desperate.