Caring for 2 children under 2

[user1473193597]

I'm expecting my second baby soon and DS will be 20 months when she is born. DS currently goes to nursery 3 mornings a week. Now I'm really worried about how I'm going to cope looking after both of them, especially because I intend to exclusively breastfeed for at least 6 months like I did with DS and I have no clue how I am going to do that while entertaining a toddler. So I suggested to DH that we extend my son's nursery hours to 3 FULL days in order to have more one-on-one time with the baby. My husband is not dead against it but he feels a bit funny about leaving DS in someone else's care for extended hours while I'm at home full time. But I think it will be really challenging to look after them both at the same time. I still remember how hard the first months were with my son and how sleep deprived I was and how much time I spent breastfeeding and holding/carrying him around. And I'm worried about the drop off and pick up with both babies which I have to do by train/pram because we only have one car and DH takes it to work. I find the thought of it really stressful especially if by the time I get home I only have 2 hours until I need to get ready to pick DS up again - thus my suggestion to extend it to full days. Perhaps I should also mention that my husband travels for work a fair amount and that I have little to no help from family. Am I being overly worried/dramatic?? Perhaps I'm a bit "spoilt" because in my home country it's normal for all children to be in full time childcare from 12 months which is paid for by the government, so that's how my siblings and partners are doing it - so if you have a second baby, you not only get decent maternity pay for a year but your older one can stay in full time childcare for free (or almost free). Anyway, I'd be grateful if you could share your experiences of looking after 2 little ones and whether you had any help / childcare.

Interesting reading this. My second will be born when dd is 2 years 3m. She's currently in nursery two full days and one day with my mum. I plan to keep her in nursery as we want to keep the place and she really enjoys it. I can see the benefit she gets from being around other children and the activities they do there. She will also keep going to my mums as my parents have made it clear that they would like to keep this arrangement.

There will be days when I don't take her to nursery and days when I'll go with her to my parents but I hope this arrangement will give me time with the new baby and I really want to keep everything as normal as possible for dd.

I had a 26month gap. No childcare just me by myself most days. It was bloody hard work but it was manageable.
Breastfeeding was fine, I don't really know how I managed I just sort of did. Sometimes the baby had to wait for milk. Sometimes the toddler had to wait for my attention. Didn't do them any harm.

It'll be tough but you'll get through it. 3 full days st nursery sound fine if you can afford it. I had my DS in 3 days a week from 9-3pm and it helped a lot. What exactly is your DH's objection? Is it budget or some ideological / emotional objection to longer nursery hours for your DS? If it's budget, fair enough but he should remember that your DS will get free nursery hours in a year anyway so the pinch will only be for the next year or so.

If he is worried about DS emotionally then he could always do reduced hours at work or travel less, surely? Not seeing why the burden of care is falling on your shoulders because you are already at home. Caring for a newborn is a full-time job.

I had a 3 year age gap (deliberately waited a bit because DS was a holy terror at 18 months - 2) and no family help and DH had to just step up more for the first 3 months. He got 6 weeks paternity leave including Christmas and postponed any travel as long as he could until DD was about 10 weeks old. He had a very senior high pressure job but he had to compromise a bit for those first few months. That was a huge help.

Everyone needs to muck in when you have 2 kids. Don't feel you have to do everything on your own just because you're at home.

Also, I breastfed DD until she was 13 months so it's definitely possible!

It will be fine. 21 month gap here and my second has been BF until 13 months (complete bottle refuser). No nursery or anything either- as a Pp said I think that makes it easier as there is no fixed routine to have to rush about for. I've really enjoyed it actually, although it is very tiring some days! The bond between them is fantastic to see.

I really recommend a sling!

You don't have to look hard to find someone who has more on their plate than 2 under 2. I had twins and found it comforting to read threads about Mum's of triplets
You will adapt quicker than you think you will. Good luck!

Laughing like a crazy person at bread feeding actually sounds about right for my two now!

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with number 3. There's just shy of two years between my first two and there will be 2 years 3/4 months between my youngest and baby. My eldest (turned 4 in Oct) does two full days and a half day at pre school, she didn't do anything until January. My youngest (just turned 2) won't start pre school until January 2018. You will honestly be fine. I am also someone who's gone for the smaller age gaps so I get lots of time with the kids before school etc. My dh will have a week off after the birth then it will simply have to be business as usual. Yeah its hard work sometimes but its doable. I manage to keep on top of the housework, have us all fed and washed and feel I do plenty with the kids. Me time is pretty much non existent but that's to he expected x

This

I comforted myself in the fact that millions of mums have/ are currently caring for 2 or more small children- it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the thought but the reality is it is just life for millions of people. Personally i would put the nursery money to a second car while you are on mat leave so you don't feel isolated - half days with a big journey on public transport is almost more hassle than it is worth imo.

The thought of it is much worse than the reality - it soon becomes the norm.
I do agree that 2 full days is going to be better than 3 half days though, given your transport issues. You either need a car or a nearer Nursery !

There is 16 months between DC1 and DTwins, after 2 weeks paternity my DH went back to work. There were days when it was incrediblely difficult but you soon get in to a routine and things do get easier over time.
You work out what works for you, in the early days I would shower before bed and then get up and ready whilst DH was still at home.
Now they are in a routine (DC1 will be 3 in April and DTwins are 15 months) they go to bed at 7 and then get up at 7, it's much easier to be organised. Some days we even leave the house ha ha!
In regards to the nursery hours, I really think that is one for you and DH to figure out as it's a personal choice. DC1 doesn't go to nursery and I guess that made things easier as there was nothing to rush to get ready for. We go to play groups but they're obviously more flexible time wise. I personally wouldn't want him in nursery, just because I know soon I will go back to work and I want to make the most of the time I have with the 3 of them.

My age gaps are 23months and 20 months so when DD3 was born DS2 was 20 months and DS1 was 3. So yeah I had 3 under 3.
I breastfed all until self weaned!
We only had one car for same reason so just used double buggy !

It's hard to know how it will be until you find out how 'high needs' your baby is or how your DS behaves with a new baby around.

But I just came to say, don't feel guilty about the full days at nursery. I had to put my son into full time nursery aged 2 and even though I felt I gave him lots of stimulation and took him to playgroups a lot before, being in a nursery did amazing things for his social confidence, and his speech and imaginative play seemed to improve as well.

3 days seems a bit much. Why can't you muddle through it. The only textbook parents I have met are somewhat neurotic.
Your toddler will be happy to play by themselves for a few minutes whilst little one has a feed.

Have a bath/shower in the evenings, then it's not the end of the world if you don't get round to introducing yourself to soap and water in the morning :)

I bought my son a doll to feed and care for while I was sorting "my baby" which curbed his jealousy a bit.

If someone offers to take the older child out for a bit - accept!

I think 3 full days for the older one is fine. I didn't cope well when my 2nd was born and like you had no support network, so I would say make it as easy as you can. Your DH isn't the one left to cope so really it's what makes you feel better is important. Half days are a pain. With no extra help, no family etc you have to make sure you have opportunity to sleep and breast feed however you can and not feel stressed. Book the 3 days and if you find it too much then change it but give yourself a break. You don't know how your baby will be and how you will feel.