Dd hitting in reception

[SNAPSY]

Hi, after a bit of advice please.

My dd started reception in September. All was well for a few weeks and then I was called to see the teacher after school one day (about 6 weeks ago) I was told that she had hit or pushed a few other children that day. Teacher was very firm and told her that if it happened again, she would have to go to headteachers office. At home that night we had a long talk about it and she went without tv time and had no dessert for the night. I made sure she apologised to the teacher and the other kids involved.

The night after another girl from year 1 came to play with my kids in the garden, she told me that my dd had been sent to her classroom the day before for being naughty.

I went to speak to the teacher about a week later to check how dd was getting on. I was told there had been a few instances where she hadn't listened, but no more hitting.

All has been fine since that incident, dd seems to be settling in well and making friends. Fast forward to today, walking home from school, another year one child pointed my dd out to his mum and said 'that girl came into my classroom today'. I asked dd about it, she minimised at first saying she went to use the toilet but eventually admitted that she had hit one of her friends and had been sent to year one class.

I've tried to deal with it again by having a talk about why hitting is wrong and then sending her to her bedroom early with no dessert or tv.

I'm a bit confused that the teacher has not mentioned it to me today and I'm only finding out from the other child. I wonder if there has been any more instances that I haven't known about. Should the teacher have told me? Also does this sound like the usual course of action for a child that's hitting? I'm bloody mortified that she's doing it and really want her to stop, just feel a bit uncomfortable that I'm only finding out from other children that it's happened again and what her punishment has been.
God that was an essay, sorry! Any wise words anyone?

That must be hard. Maybe she is struggling socially and needs a bit of extra help. At my son's school they have a special group to help children improve their social skills and teach them the correct way to deal with their emotions.

Perhaps you could ask the teacher to let you know every time there is an incident and then you could reward your daughter with something if she can get to Christmas (or however long seems achievable) without the teacher having to talk to you.
I would want to be told if my child was hitting.

I'd speak to the teacher and ask them to tell you after every incident. This could be verbally or through a home school communication book. Stress that you see anything physical as very serious and you'd like to support her at home.

Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about the no tv/dessert bit. If she's been punished at school then a firm talking too at home should be enough, reiterating that we never use our hands and feet even if we're feeling cross. Perhaps help her to come up with strategies for what to do if she's feeling annoyed or cross with someone.

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated.

I hadn't considered she might be struggling socially, she's very outgoing but is very blunt and says whatever's on her mind so maybe that is causing an issue.

I do feel bad with the no tv / dessert thing, I really want to nip it in the bud and hoping to shock her into good behaviour I suppose! She had a few issues in nursery and had a reward chart which worked wonders so that may be the way to go.

Going to try and catch the teacher on Monday for a chat (she was picked up by ex today). Fingers crossed will be sorted soon!