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Am I a bad parent?

15 replies

georgiaaawhite · 01/11/2016 12:28

I have a 3 month old baby, I am 100% devoted to her. However I feel like a bad mother for allowing my mother to have her once a week. My mother feels its best for her to start getting use to new places and that way she can bond with her grandchild, but I feel like I should be spending 24/7 with my daughter otherwise I feel like I have failed as a parent. My mother does only lives down the road to me so I can visit them whenever I please, but I feel so guilty. What do you guys think? Am I a bad parent for allowing her to sleep at her grandmas once a week? Or am I just being overly paranoid? X

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TeaBelle · 01/11/2016 12:30

It doesn't make you a bad parent but it's not actually beneficial for your child so if you aren't happy with it then stop itit. I don't know why people are obsessed with getting children used to being away from their parents

mrstomriddle · 01/11/2016 12:32

You are not a bad mother!!! I think it's good that you get some time to yourself and your child gets to spend time with their grandparent. My family are 350miles away from us but I would do the same if my mum lived just down the road.

Enjoy your time to yourself. Don't feel guilty. Your child is fine with your mum. If you're really not comfortable being apart then just do a morning or afternoon.

kiki22 · 01/11/2016 12:35

I would love that ds1 went to his nannas every second Friday as a baby it was lovely for me to have some peace, hes 4 now and its not effected our bond at all its made him really comfortable being with others. If your not happy dont do it but I don't understand why people are obsessed with keeping kids away from other people.

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knaffedoff · 01/11/2016 12:37

How do you feel about being away from your daughter for the day. Take away the guilt, who days you need to be with daughter 24/7? If you are happy, enjoy the time. If not, reduce the time limit accordingly.

ByeByeLilSebastian · 01/11/2016 12:39

Course your not a bad mum for letting your mum have her!

I hope you feel able to change your mind if you want to though. Babies don't need to get used to spending one day a week with someone else. Well mine never have and both are very sociable children.

Smartleatherbag · 01/11/2016 12:40

If you want her to go, fine. If you don't, also fine. Your baby doesn't need to get used to it, but she won't suffer from it either, so whatever works.

SugarNspiceNallThingsNice · 01/11/2016 12:40

No you're not. I think that's lovely and it gives you a little break. I did that with mine and my eldest has a beautiful bond with my parents. She's 11 and still goes there to stay every Friday x

JosephineMaynard · 01/11/2016 12:43

It doesn't make you a bad mum to have someone else care for your baby once a week.

But if you're not ready to have your baby away from you, and there's no need to (e.g. you returning to work soon) then there's no need to keep this arrangement up. 3 months is still tiny, and reducing the amount of time baby spends away from you isn't going to stop her bonding with grandma later or getting used to new things later.

AmeliaJack · 01/11/2016 12:44

You're not a bad mother but do you actually want your child to stay at your Mum's every week?

"My Mum feels it is best" isn't a good enough reason if you don't feel it's best.

ThatStewie · 01/11/2016 12:52

What your Mum wants isn't relevant.

It's what you want. Do you want your baby to go to your Mums? If not, you have every right to say no to your Mum (and she's utterly wrong about babies 'needing' to learn to be away from their mothers')

Marshpillow · 01/11/2016 13:06

If you're happy with the arrangement then it's fine. I was having a shit time with PND when DD was tiny and I was so grateful that my mum was happy to have her one day a week. They have a lovely relationship now and even though I don't have PND any more I really appreciate my few hours to myself every week (SAHP).

Halloweensnake · 01/11/2016 13:08

Do you actually want your mum to have her?? ...if so absolutely fine...if not put yr foot down..she's your child ,you make the rules x

GoofyTheHero · 01/11/2016 13:10

Of course you're not a bad mum. But you shouldn't do it just because your mum is telling you to! Do you want her to go to your mums? If so, great. If not, put a stop to it.

Atenco · 01/11/2016 13:46

Of course you're not a bad mum. But you shouldn't do it just because your mum is telling you to

This
I really don't think her staying at your mother's will make any different to how much your dd gets used to other places and people.

Original poster
georgiaaawhite · 01/11/2016 15:23

Thank you everyone, very helpful! I am okay with my mother having her, I am just so harsh on myself and doubt a lot and feel judged my fellow peers. But you have all made me feel a lot better, forever grateful x

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