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Original poster

They tell me the love will come, but when?

42 replies

moodywren · 10/02/2007 09:16

I have a 5 week old baby and I don't love him. I don't even think I like him very much. He's my 4th baby and with my others I loved them even before they were born. I feel nothing for him. HV says the love wil come, when I talked to the midwife she said I needed to get more sleep.
If he wasn't here I wouldn't miss him.
What if I never feel anything

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Enid · 14/02/2007 20:31

oh you poor love

you sound strung out

what does your dh say?

Original poster

moodywren · 14/02/2007 20:35

Dh doesn't understand. He works nights, comes home says how tired he is and goes to bed. He thinks I'm depressed says he'll come to dr with me when antibiotics finish if I'm not feeling better but I don't want to wait that long when they're not working

OP posts:

Twinklemegan · 14/02/2007 20:48

Oh moodwren, I'm sorry to hear that. My DS was my first but I have to say that it took around 6 weeks for the love to really happen. We had loads of problems in the beginning with feeding and I think I probably had mild PND as well. But one day when he was 6 or 7 weeks old I was watching him while he was asleep and suddenly felt this rush of emotion inside me. From then on I was smitten. I'm really hope the same will happen for you very soon.

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3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 14/02/2007 21:47

((((((moodywren)))))))) I can really relate to all yoru feelings there...must say, BF was the only thing that made me pick him up (a lot, cos he was a boobymonster). I felt if I stopped bf I would have no reason even to hold him.....!
It doesn't mean that you will always feel like that, I am sure it's due to being exhaustion.
Sending you lots of hugs.

Skribble · 14/02/2007 21:58

Hi, with my first DS I had a traumatic birth and a horrible pregnancy. I didn't feel a rush of love, it wa more just relief.

I really struggle to keep up the image of the perfect mum, I was a qualified nursery nurse , so I really felt I should be able to cpe and theta every thing was fine , it wasn't.

I don't ever remember getting a sudden rush of love or connection or bonding, but I know that I love him so much it hurts and I would fight to the death for him (he is 10 now .

I think it kid of grows on you, I had so many other issues and feelings to deal with, I even thought sometimes if he just died in his sleep it would be OK .

The thing I regret is not talking honestly with someone at the time, and getting help. But don't worry the love is there it just hasn't had a chance to make itself felt yet .

liquidclocks · 14/02/2007 22:00

Please go back to your GP or see your HV. Could you have thrush in your breasts? If you really want to give up BF and switch to FF I really don't think there's much difference between the brands but a lot of MNetters suggest aptamil as it's supposed to be easier to digest.

I have to say, I felt how you say you feel with DS1, but I didn't tell anyone. All my visitors kept going on about how wonderful he was but I just spent every moment alone with him crying for the first 6 weeks. When he started to smile I found it less hard as at least I was getting something back. It was only at 8 weeks when I fell down the stairs with him in my arms, and I held my body around him to protect him, that I realised I did have motherly instincts. It took me a long time to 'love' him, but it did come eventually. I only realised after I'd had DS2, and had a comparison, how low I'd been with DS1.

Just wanted to reiterate that you're not alone in feeling like this, but it does get better.

Original poster

moodywren · 14/02/2007 22:12

Don't really want to ive up bf but feels like an endless round of pain from either infection or thrush, and after 5 wks feel like the only way to stop the pain is to stop feeding. I enjoyed feeding my ds1 and dd. Gp made me feel like I was wasting her time today. Trouble is if i stop bf then I won't need to pick up him I would prob give him bottle in his chair or get dh or dd to do it while I did something else

OP posts:

Twinklemegan · 14/02/2007 22:31

Moodywren, the way you describe things sounds so like how I was a few months back. I went through all that you describe with the pain and everything. I don't want to start a fight here and I appreciate that every situation is different. BUT I can honestly say that the turning point for me and DS came when I accepted that I wasn't going to exclusively breastfeed. I am NOT saying this to encourage you to give up. I just wanted to make the point that I really don't think you'd end up not picking up your DS at all. On the contrary, I think you might find that removing that pressure could make you see things in a whole different light. I totally agree though that you should discuss this with your GP or HV and get all the help you can. HTH.

overthehill · 14/02/2007 22:54

Moodywren, have skimmed through some of this thread & sorry if anyone's already suggested it, but what about trying to find an NCT breastfeeding counsellor? I'd worry that if you did give up at this stage, you might feel you'd failed (although I'm NOT saying that would be true), which in turn might make you feel even worse about yourself. It's a horrible, guilt-inducing feeling that you might not love your own child, and I can still remember with a shudder the feeling of wanting to strangle dd aged c.5 weeks (now 11 years) in the early hours of the morning, when she just wouldn't go to sleep after several hours of my trying.

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 14/02/2007 23:00

moodywren...are you both being treated for thrush when treated? And which creams, etc...are you using for it? I assume you are also aware of all the other measures you have to take when you have thrush?
Had loads of bouts of it with my ms...blinking nightmare it was.

Original poster

moodywren · 15/02/2007 11:48

We are both being treated for thrush, ds has Nystatin drops, and I have Nystatin cream. Feels like I'm going round in circles with antibiotics for thrush which got infected then the antibiotics give me thrush again. Are there any alternative perhaps homopathic treatments I could try?

OP posts:

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 15/02/2007 12:21

Not to sure about Homeopathy, I must admit, lol!
When I had probs with ms and with teh thrush, we were first both treated with dactarin oral gel (to put on my nips as well in his mouth) and every few weeks I ahd the smae ole prob again....I was then prescribed the proper Dactarin cream, which you do have to wipe off, but it did the trick, I was told to put it on after a feed, then wipe it of for the next feed and put Lansinoh or camillosan on inbetween using the dactarin, otherwise the nips get a bit to raw (ouch....) and that cleared it up once and for all!
It is such a mare though with it, because everyime I had to sterilise everything that possibly could come in contact with him/or more had been in contact wiht him....

Kellymom on prevention of thrush
Breastfeeding basics website on thrush

damewashalot · 15/02/2007 12:57

Sending lots of hugs to you moodywren. I've only skimmed the thread and this needs to be quick as I should be feeding my children but, try searching for old threads on thrush there should be plenty, has anyone talked to you about oral treatment for it, not just the cream? It works but not all drs are that up on it. I found out about it on here and bt googling thrush in breast/milk duct, it is very painfull poor you
Also wanted to say re you OP that it took me ages to bond with my ds2, it came but I felt guilty that I really didn't like him that much never mind love him, it came in time. Looking back I don't remember much of him being small other than it was hard and I had lots of mastitis. I love him to bits now (although could throttle him about now as is being a sod and this is taking forever to type as I've been in and out about 10 times)
I am going to go and sort out my children, just hang in there it will get better.

liquidclocks · 15/02/2007 15:57

moodywren - I didn't 'beat' thrush unfortunately - it completely ruined my BF experience with DS2 after it all started so well. I have to say though my decision to stop at 8 wks was partly fuelled by knowing I had to return to work 4 wks later and didn't want a 'sudden' stop to BF anyway as I didn't want to express at work - my milk supply just stopped so much quicker than expected.

The oral treatment for trush is fluconazole see here for more info. I didn't try it but it could be worth trying if you want to carry on BFing. However I gather some GPs are reluctant to prescribe it so it might be worth printing off the leaflet and taking it to your GP.

Are you going to go and see your GP about how you feel? There are meds you could try that may help yo feel better and they are ok to use while BFing. There's a list of some of them here .

HTH and that you're managing today.

Original poster

moodywren · 15/02/2007 17:51

Does anyone know fluconazole is penecillin related as I am allergic to penecillin and my dr put me on Erythomycin.
Feeling better in myself today, maybe cause I got more sleep last night, dh was really shocked to find me in bed when he came in from work this am.

OP posts:

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 15/02/2007 19:49

link to netdoctor on Diflucan(fluconazole)

mm22bys · 28/02/2007 14:35

I could have written the op....

I have two DSs - DS1 is the light of my life, I love him to pieces. I had a very traumatic birth, but just loved being pregnant with him and loved him before he was even born.

DS2 - different story. He was planned, but I wasn't ecstatic about my pregnancy with him. All the time, and even now, I was worried about how his arrival would effect DS1. He had an almost completely natural birth, very different in nearly every way to DS1 (induction, epiduarl, fetal monitoring, ventouse delivery). Somehow it seems like his birth was almost too easy after the traumatic time DS1 had....

Since he's been born he's had health issue after health issue, and I feel like I just worry about him all the time, and that I haven't been able to enjoy him yet. He does have medical problems yet to be dxed (seeing a pediatric neurologist in the next couple of weeks), and I really hope after we know what his problems are that I'll be able to cope better and love him more...

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