What are your best tips for coping with a newborn and a toddler?

[KitKat1985]

Just that really. I have a lively DD already who is 2, and DD2 is due next month. I'm not going to lie, I found the newborn stage hard enough work first time around, so freaking out massively about having to cope with a newborn and a toddler at the same time.

DH is very good when he's home, but invariable after his paternity leave will be out at work a lot and I don't have any family nearby who can help on a day-to-day basis, so it will be me muddling along most days on my own. [Although having said this we have decided to keep DD in nursery for the two days a week that she goes, even though I obviously won't be at work, as she loves her nursery and it's very heavily subscribed so if we took her out whilst I was on maternity leave there's no guarantee she would be able to get a place again].

So great people of Mumsnet, what survival tips can you share with me?

2 and a half and 5 month old here, lots of great advice already about slings, getting out, etc. We have to do school run for older DD every day, which means we have to be in a routine which has worked really well.

I am trying to encourage independent play for toddler, but she is so used to having someone there all the time, it is difficult. She's currently wailing in the playroom as she has to stay in there and play for 15 minutes while I have a cup of tea and the baby naps. I'll stick with it though as I did the same for older DD and she will sit and play happily by herself now.

Craft is always good, really simple stuff like sticker sheets (peel the sticky surround off first to avoid toddler meltdown when they can't get a sticker off), sticker books and lots of colouring. Those water paint books are great, I have a few of them and toddler will sit happily with paintbrush and cup of water for ages. Doesn't matter if she makes a mess as it's only water.

TV is a godsend, and nothing wrong with settling them down with a favourite program, can be used as an effective bribe as well! Also get toddler to 'help' with cleaning and tidying.

Take it easy, muddle along and you'll be fine! A glass or five of wine in the evening always helps!

A nose Frieda is one of those nose sucker things... it gets rid of all the horrible mucus, and also is the one thing you're always looking for when they get a cold and can't feed at 2am...

DD has her first cold at present, she is the last from our new NCT group to get one, most are on their 4th or 5th. The sucky thing comes into use early doors!!!

Accept all help offered from family!

Spend as much time outdoors as you can to tire them out.

Use one of those bedside cribs for the newborn. I got enough sleep to cope with the both of them thanks to that crib 😀

Keep a stash of stuff in the car - nappies etc, spare clothes, toys, snacks, cartons of drink. I used to find I'd forget stuff or be running late. Was a lifesaver at times. Especially for those times when neither will nap so you bundle them in the car for an impromptu drive round .

Forget all housework, washing etc.

I had 18 month gap and ended up with PND and I think what contributed to that was me trying to do all the things I could with one child when I had two.

Try to feed them together once a routine is established.
If 2 yo still naps during day try to nap then as well.
Have a bath when DP comes home so you get some "me" time u less 2 yo joins you!
Go for a walk each day, fresh air for you and DC and gets you out of house
As PP said batch cook, meal plan, easy stuff (think slow cooker)
Force yourself to sit down at night once 2 yo in bed.
Have a date night or time with DH every now and again.
If anyone offers help accept it!
Lots of positive praise for 2yo and overlook any negative behaviour/tantrums

Good luck, hard work but worth it. Mine are best of friends 20+ years later. Chalk and cheese but very very close and protective of each other.

Learn to breastfeed in a sling (with a buckles sling you can loosen the straps and slide baby round and down)

Each evening decide what you will do the next day

Make sure you get to shower each day, feeling grubby makes everything harder

Encourage the sibling relationship and encourage your toddler to see how baby is responding to them- "look she's smiling because she likes hearing you sing", "oh no, she jumped because she was scared, she didn't like you poking her", rather than just saying "don't poke her"

When you get a chance try to give your toddler lots of attention

I'm 5months into a 23month age gap. My eldest was so hard as a baby and I was really bricking it. It's been much easier than I thought. My top tips are:

1. Get a sling and bring baby along to everything you normally do with toddler. Baby gets a cuddle and will probably sleep while toddler gets exercised and a sense of normality.

1. Co sleep safely if it helps. Anything for the most sleep.

1. Don't pack too much into a day. It's just stressful for everyone.

Good luck.

16 month gap here, youngest now just over 6 month's. Its really hard work and there is nothing you can do to make it easy, but you can make things a bit easier for yourself. accepting that it just is hard was the best thing for me. Sleep deprivation is awful. But it's totally worth it! things that help me...

Let toddler help with nappy changing - passing wipes, sticking down tabs etc.

Lots of praise for being kind to baby (even if you're cringing inside....unless baby cries in pain, they're being gentle enough! )

Telling off baby sometimes so toddler doesn't feel they are the only one being told off

3 or 4 nappy changing stations around the house

A bag packed ready to go so if it all gets too much you can just leave the house

Meet other people when going out if possible. Not essential but can be helpful and also stop you.going out of your mind!

Cheap playgroups as you said.

Don't feel.guilty for keeping dd in nursery...do it as much as you can afford!

Accept help and ask for help if you need it.

Breastfeed if you want to and are able to...much easier than having o think about formula.

Go to bed as soon as you can and if your dh can sleep in a spare room and deal with dd1 in the morning it will really help.

Can't think of any more tips but although it's tricky, you'll get through the days somehow! And if you get a decent sleeper I'm pretty sure it will be amazing. The nights I've had 3 hours sleep in a row I've felt much more able to deal with things.

If you have a sling then learn to breastfeed in it - then you can feed on the go.

Train your toddler to pick things up off the floor for you - this is helpful when you are pregnant, and when you are carrying a baby in a sling.

youll prob find dd2 will be slot easier than dd1 anyway. If dd1 still naps try and get dd2 napping at same time. I got lots of table top activities for my toddler so I could sit at a table feeding the baby while interacting with toddler - beads, aqua doodle, comics, sparkly box etc... On the nursery days rest as much as you can with the baby while baby is tiny - watch your own tv etc ... Don't feel to pressured to have to do additional baby activities as the baby will get lots of stimulation from going to toddler groups with older sibling.

Find a way to involve the toddler in nappy changes (as there are soooo many!) and put nappies, wipes etc at low level so they can pass them to you. Little bits of responsibility help engage them, I think.