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Parenting

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Need some advice

5 replies

Weegle · 09/02/2007 16:50

I feel a bit of a fraud even asking this but the friends and family I have spoken to think I have a case but would like to know what impartial people think. I have been in pain (varying from bad to agonising) for 14 months in my back/pelvis which just last week got diagnosed as sacro-iliitis and throchanteric bursitis - areas of rheumatoid arthritis. I was 3 months pregnant when the pain started. I now have an 8 month old giant (24lb) of a son and the pain is dibilitating. I am awaiting test results where they can give some indication of my future prognosis. I struggle to lead a normal life, and I struggle to look after DS in the way I would want to and do the things with him I had always hoped I'd do e.g. physical play. By this time every day I'm fighting back tears in pain lifting him. I have been prescribed more pain relief and this is under review. So far it has made no difference. I know I must be patient. BUT - if I had no dependents I could probably cope ok. But because of my responsbilities for DS I simply am struggling to cope. My friends/family have suggested I look in to things like getting a blue badge so that when I do things like take him to the doctors I can park nearby and not have to walk a long way which requires me heaving the pushchair out. But would I be eligible for this? If I didn't have to carry DS/lift a pram out of the car I wouldn't need it (although it hurts to walk). Basically I CAN do everything in day to day living it just causes me extreme pain to do so. I make myself do most things for the sake of my son. Is there help out there I can get to help with the practicalities of caring for my son? If so where do I find out about them? Will people just laugh in my face as I feel like a fraud as I CAN physically do the things I have to it just is so painful and makes it worse? I'm feeling so down and want to channel my frustration in to getting on with life and making it easier so I can get my life off hold and start coping but every time I try to think about the future and living like this I end up in tears (like now!). I feel like I've been handed a life sentence but feel guilty for feeling that when there are people out there who cope with far worse. Sorry this is so long! I'd be grateful for honest opinions on whether or not it's even worth purusing things like a blue badge etc - I mean if you saw me park in a disabled space and carry my son out wouldn't you think "she doesn't look disabled" - does pain count or do you have to physically be unable to do that?

OP posts:
Muminfife · 09/02/2007 18:37

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DimpledThighs · 09/02/2007 19:09

I don't know how you qualify for a badge but I do have something to add.

A friend of mine has rheumatoid (sp) arthritis (sp!) and she has a blue badge. Outwardly you would not know, she lifts her children, pushes a buggy etc. But she does have very bad days and gets in a lot of pain and walking is hard sometimes. she has a blue badge and there is no way she feels judged by people seeing her in teh spaces. You qualify for a badge you have one end of story. IF anyone cares to judge you for how disabled they think you are that is their problem not yours.

If it would help you and you qualify for one don't worry about not seeming 'disabled'.

Best wishes.

marmitemad · 10/02/2007 13:38

Different councils have slightly different rules on awarding blue badges and there are campaigns underway to try and standardise things although this is looking more like restricting badge eligibility.
Generally it is the distance you can walk without any pain they first look at and they may ask your GP to confirm or get their own doctor to examine you. (beware you might have to fight depending on your council, but hopefully you have a good relationship with your GP?)
It is definately worth pursuing if you are unable to walk any distance or only very few steps without pain.
Have at look at this for further info.
I don't know much about practical help with child care atm, but \link {http://www.disabledparentsnetwork.org.uk/about/index.htm\these people} should be able to help you out.

BTW, I have had inflammatory arthritis for 17 years, use a wheelchair/crutches and am currently 39+3 weeks pregnant and waiting to pop

try to think positive long term, there are lots of good drugs/treatments you can try once they have properly diagnosed you.

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Weegle · 11/02/2007 19:13

thank you all for you help, I appreciate it. I'm seeing the rheumatologist again on Thursday so will speak to him as well.

OP posts:
girlymomma · 14/02/2007 13:10

Hi weegie, do apply for a badge. I was in similar position (have rheuamtoid arthritis) and was turned down initially because did not state permanent and also do not use a stick when pushing pushchair (although do when without it as balance really poor). I got distraught and imagined never going out again as logistics too difficult with baby and toddler. I reapplied and got it after speaking dircetly to the blue badge council dept. You are entitled and bear in mind if you have a recovery - you can always give badge back!
good luck.

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