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Original poster

Potty-training TOTAL NIGHTMARE

18 replies

Manderley · 09/02/2007 10:04

I've just posted this in the wrong place, haven't posted for ages,don't understand new Mumsnet layout. Much less user-friendly than before.
Can anyone help? Potty-training is taking over our lives. My DS is nearly 3 and started quite well but now is terrified of the toilet and the potty and of wee itself at the moment. He wails every time he needs to wee and is begging for nappies.
I'm trying not to get stressed out but he can't start nursery until he's dry and I'm taking extra days off work which I can't afford to do.
My childminder unhelpfully informs me that both her kids could use a potty when they were 2 and that we've left it 'too late.' He'll wear nappies into adulthood then, I take it? She just puts him in nappies cos she doesn't want him to wee on her furniture! So fed up of everyone telling me how easy their kids found it and how sodding perfect they are. Had enough.
Can anyone give me a decent strategy to get through this? Would be very grateful.

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colditz · 09/02/2007 10:08

put him back into nappies completely for a couple of weeks to take the pressure off him. Your childminder is talking shite.

the nursery are obliged to take him, whether he is dry or not, if they are going to be recieving government childcare vouchers for his care. They are NOT ALLOWED to discriminate in this way. Inform them on his first day that he has a nappy on, and let them deal with it, but make sure they know they are legally obliged to take him.

colditz · 09/02/2007 10:08

Oh, and ds1 shat himself quite often until he was 3.5, if that makes you feel at all better?

colditz · 09/02/2007 10:11

look here at the tiny type

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Original poster

Manderley · 09/02/2007 10:13

Thanks Colditz.
I am cracking up.
Even my childless sister is 'concerned' that my ds isn't potty-trained yet.
What is the matter with everyone? Why is everyone an expert on my child except me?Why is there such pressure to have potty-trained your kid by the time they're 12 months old?
I want to run away.

OP posts:

2gorgeousboys · 09/02/2007 10:15

My DS2 is nearly 3 and not yet potty trained - he has no interest in it at all and does not care where or when he wees. I am soo glad not to be the only one as I too have been getting pressure from other mums who look at you like your child is an alien because he is still in nappies. Sorry rant over!

DumbledoresGirl · 09/02/2007 10:17

None of mine were particularly early potty trainers except for my youngest on whom I forced potty training to get him into playgroup (he was 2.6). He is nearly 4 now and still not independent on the toilet, so I feel he would have been a later potty trainee if there had not been the playgroup issue to force me.

I agree with colditz in that your CM is talking shite. 3 is a perfectly normal age to be potty trained. She is not actually helping you at all is she, if she is putting him in nappies when he is with her? I would go so far as to say she is part of the problem.

My secret (and I have potty trained 4 children) is a certain degree of persistence (you have to take the nappies off completely and face up to the mess that will ensue), bribery (chocolate button for every successful potty moment), staying as calm as possible (difficult) but knowing your limits. I am afraid if mine had more than 3 accidents in a day, I would crack and put them back in nappies for the rst of the day. This is supposed to be a big no no, but I couldn't take the strain more than that.

colditz · 09/02/2007 10:20

sod em.

My child is nearly 4 now, and you would never ever know that this time last year he was completely un potty trained. I know it is frustrating, believe me I know, but tbh if I were you I would put the potty on the living room floor, buy a big roll of stickers or some chocolate buttons, strip him from the waist down, and ignore any accidents except to clean them up. reward profusley anything that goes in the potty.

And chill. This is so common in boys, your nursery could be said to be practising sex discrimination.

colditz · 09/02/2007 10:22

See? they are all different. ds1 is now independant on the toilet, apart from belts. 12 months ago, he was still in nappies.

DumbledoresGirl · 09/02/2007 10:24

colditz, can your son wipe his own bottom? I despair of bottom wiping. None of my older children do it properly and I could do with some advice before getting ds3 doing it. I shiver with dread when I think he is starting school in Septmeber!

colditz · 09/02/2007 10:27

Yes he can, but if he has had a sloppy poo (sorry) he can't. he doesn't usually have sloppy pooes, so is ok.

I think it has to do with a child's arm to body ration. Ds1 is well buit, and has large bones. Although on the slightly skinny side and not very tall (more overage) he is in 5 year old's tops. Maybe that's relevent>?

colditz · 09/02/2007 10:28

ds1 starts in September too.

DumbledoresGirl · 09/02/2007 10:33

Hmmm ds3 is tiddly - still wears clothes aged 2-3. Maybe I shouldn't despair yet?

elijen · 09/02/2007 10:33

Hi Manderley
I don't have any hints or tips but I just wanted to give you some support. My DD is 3 in May and not yet potty trained (will probably attempt in next few weeks) 3 years old is quite a common age to start training. My newphew was trained at 2.5yrs and still has several days where he is wet. I have being told persistance and bribary help!!
Good luck and I hope you crack it soon.

LexB · 09/02/2007 21:03

We are in the same boat too with ds who is 2.8. His preschool say they prefer them to be toilet trained so have started to worry a bit as he's supposed to start soon! We can't get him to practice sitting on the potty at all, nappies on or nappies off, even on the bribes of smarties etc. He just says 'no'. It's hard to know whether to persist.

fsmail · 09/02/2007 22:39

My DD 2.6 will not even consider a potty although she knows when she is ready. She goes into a panic if she is not wearing a nappy. Have just left her in nappies until this wears off. My DS pooed himself at his third birthday party as pointed by my friends perfect dd. But he was told by his nursery he could not go to the pre-school until he used the toilet. After two days he was potty trained properly at 3 and 1 month and started going through the night. Has only ever had two nights since (now 6) when he wet the bed and both were after lots of fruit shoots at MILs. He could not wipe his bottom until he started school at 4, sorry more like would not. Therefore there is hope and I am really hoping going to nursery in September will have the same effect on my dd. In the meantime I just get on with it. Hope that helps you. Many of my son's friends now 6 and 7 still wet the bed.

handlemecarefully · 09/02/2007 22:54

Got my 2.9 year old potty trained successfully recently after a few false starts and lack of interest a couple of months ago....

What made the difference to him was a star chart. I sat down and explained that he would gain a star after every successful wee and poo, and after 5 stars would win a prize. I posted a picture of the prize that he would get next to the star chart and pointed it out to him every time we put a star on his chart, and we discussed how many more stars he would need before he gained the coveted prize.

It really worked. Previously I had just tried the smarties reward thingy after every wee and poo but that did not capture his imagination as much as the prize related star chart.

juuule · 10/02/2007 08:55

My dd wasn't interested at all and resisted any encouragement to give up her nappies until she was 3y4m when she decided she didn't want a nappy anymore. 3 days later she was taking herself to the toilet and we've never looked back. She did have the rare occassional accident in the first month. I would try not worry about it too much.

margo1974 · 12/02/2007 22:02

I am glad I am not the only one whose child refuses to be potty trained - When I see that she's about to poo I ask her to sit on the toilet or the potty and she says "not yet mummy" - she is 2.5 yo

I too have been made to feel like a bad mum by family members because she's "not clean yet"

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