To consider giving up on potty training my three year old for now?

[chocolatesolveseverything]

DS turned three over the summer. He has always preferred to be in nappies at all times (no running around naked for this child!) and has never given any indication that he knows when he has done a wee or poo, or wants one.

I've always said I wanted to wait until he's ready, but time is getting on, and DH has kept making comments, so I suggested that we try this half term when we'll be at home a bit more than usual.

The good news is that for the first time, he has consented to go nappyless, and seems quite happy in pants. The bad news is he seems to have no idea when he wants a wee or poo, and often, even whether he's wet himself full stop. Yesterday evening he wet himself about 6-7 times within a single hour and whilst naked I could see he was oblivious to the wee coming out until I pointed his attention to it. Then he stared at it with a sort of "Oh really?" expression. This morning I could smell something and I had to practically drag him to the bathroom as he declared he definitely didn't need the toilet, despite - of course- having filled his pants with a huge poo. Twice today so far we've sat him on the toilet for 20 minutes with no result, then he peed himself again less than ten minutes later...

I don't think he's being naughty or obstinate. He's a child who wants to please us, and he knows he'll get a sticker each time he manages it. But I genuinely don't think he understands his bladder or had control over it yet. Some friends are suggesting therefore that we should give up for the moment. But DH is stressing the importance of getting him training before going to nursery school next August. (Yes, I know that's ages away, but he keeps on mentioning it.)

So any experienced advice out there? Am we best to keep going until he eventually gets it hopefully? Or is it best just to go back to the nappies and wait until he (hopefully!) shows more signs of being ready?

I think it's a sensible decision. I had some pressure to toilet train DD earlier but she simply wasn't ready. One day she decided to wee on the potty and was literally trained within a week with very few accidents. I think sometimes trying to train them when they're not ready makes more of an issue of it. I'd wait a while longer and see if he starts telling you.

You could rein it back a bit. So go back to nappies most of the time, but let him have a sit on the potty or loo before bath and at breakfast time. No pressure, just for fun and to get used to the potty/loo.

And then have another go at losing the nappies in the day in month or so or whenever suits.

I should have added that bribery has worked wonders here. If you're desperate at a later stage, try swapping the stickers for bits of a playset/hot wheels/Thomas minis. You'll be amazed how quickly they pick it up then!

How long has he been in pants for? It's a personal choice, but I would be putting back in nappies and encouraging toileting when you do the morning nappy change and before bed. I would avoid sitting him on the loo for longer than 5 minutes, and preferably shorter than that, as you want to encourage the awareness of the sensation rather than a lucky catch IYKWIM.

It sounds like he's really not ready as they need to have some bladder control for it to work out. I'd try again in a few weeks as apparently it can be a matter of not being able to do it one week and then being completely ready the next!

Thanks so much for the advice. It has really helped. We chatted with DS and asked if he wanted to carry on wearing pants or go back to nappies for a little while. He chose the latter, so we've gone with that and will instead work on our daily routine to get more nappy-off, potty-out opportunities in there. FX in a few months all will be different!