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Parenting

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Original poster

"back for tea"

6 replies

bananasmoothie · 08/02/2007 16:35

I suffer from social anxiety and I hate getting visitors to my house and I'm much happier left alone..I know how miserable that sounds but it's just me.

Does anyone else hate the whole "can * come over for tea?" phrase? I have let a couple of my sons friends come over in the past but they've always been bad behaved and I've always been left with a thumping headache by the time they've gone from the stress. How can I get through to my son that I don't want people coming back "for tea" or is it mean to deny him of this? I don't mind taking him to after school clubs etc to meet up with his friends but why the "come back for tea" thing?? it really winds me up.

Another thing, I'm a single parent so at home there is only me and my 2 boys, one of which hardly eats anything...so I take something out of the freezer to eat on the night time (as in meat) and then on the way out of school I'm asked "oh, can I go to ***'s for tea?" and the kids mum is stood waiting for a reply...is it mean to say no? if he goes this means that whatever I've taken out for tea will be wasted and it also means I have to faff about dragging my 5 year old out at 7pm to pick him up which usually involves a long walk through a dodgy area in the dark...

Am I being miserable? is it important that they do the "back for tea" thing and if there is anyone out there like me...how do you get out of it?

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Elasticwoman · 08/02/2007 17:14

I don't think it's being miserable to dip out of the whole "back for tea" thing if it doesn't suit you. Would have been easier not to do it in the first place, but possible to change your mind on this one and be assertive and consistent about it. Long walk in the dark sounds like good excuse even if not dodgy area, imo.

Might cause some raised eyebrows in the short term, and you might consider other ways for your dc to play with friends outside school hours (in the park?)but I think your preference is a reasonable one.

mamalocco · 08/02/2007 17:31

Don't feel bad about not having kids over for tea - I rarely do and not because I don't like visitors - I do, its just my dcs are wasted when they get home from school. Add in a couple of after school activities and homework and there isn't really time.

Do a couple of afterschool clubs if your dcs want to and leave it at that. If one of mine came out and asked if they could go to xx's house that evening, I'd probably say no, but that we'd rearrange for another time. You could always let dcs meet up with friends during the school holidays at the park/soft play or take them to the cinema if you don't want them bringing friends back home.

Muminfife · 08/02/2007 17:32

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juuule · 08/02/2007 17:33

You should do what suits you. We do. And no I don't thing it's important that they do the "back for tea" thing. After falling for the 'can I go to 's for tea' or 'can come for tea?' a few times I let my children know that going/coming for tea can only happen with advance notice. That gives me time to prepare. After that it depends on how often or not you decide to allow it. It is easier if you don't feel that you've been railroaded into it. Other parents seem okay when I've explained. And if you really don't want to then the explanation about taking your 5yo out should satisfy anyone. Also, I usually take friends home around 6pm as I think that's long enough straight from school. Enough for me anyway

Saturn74 · 08/02/2007 17:34

Don't do the 'back for tea' thing if you don't want to. Lots of parents don't.
If you do, plan it in advance.
I always told my children that we couldn't have people back for tea without a few days notice. It's not at all unreasonable to say no if you're put on the spot.

Hulababy · 08/02/2007 17:49

I only do it with some warning, never straight from school that day.

DD does love having friends round and going to friend's after school - we have a little girl back right now, and another one coming tomorrow. Both are girls who have been before though. I am happy to have them back and for DD to go places too - but definitely not without at least a day's notice

However there are some children inthe class who simply don't do the old play date thing, and no one things it is a problem or that the parents are mean - not at all.

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