The mythical sleepers and other legends...

[Luckystar1]

So, I have a 10 week old DD and an almost 2 year old DS. I did NCT with both of them, and both times my babies seem to be by far the worst sleepers.

I had thought DD was doing really well, with usually only 1 or 2 wakings for quick feeds and back to sleep, but no, already babies are sleeping from 8.30 until 5.30!!! DS didn't do that at 1, never mind 2 months.

Another mum then lamented that their baby was hit and miss and could be up at 2am sometimes!! Ffs, I thought DD was doing brilliwheb she did that.

Why do I never get the good sleepers?! (She has been waking between 3 & 8 times a night this week...) and why do I always seem to be the only one?

Some people DO lie! Of course they do. Just like of course some people get lucky and really do have babies sleeping through 8/10/12 hours from six weeks! And others have very bizarre interpretations of sleeping through: "yes he's sleeping through 8-6, just wakes for feeds at 12 and 3" - I've heard this one. Or that sleeping through is going for five hours?!

'Officially' according to who?!

Sleeping through

little more research

Ok - never come across that before so I'll get back in my box. Though it does appear to be saying midnight-5 is one of at least three definitions. And its a very odd one

Some do lie. I never did groups like this. Occasionally I'd be honest about both of my bad sleepers and the next thing the person who had just told me that their dc was sleeping through would amend their story with relief - the dc wasn't always sleeping through, often would be up at night etc etc. They just weren't sure of their audience at first.

BUT there are definitely lots of babies who do sleep all night long, including EBF babies...it's pretty amazing.

OP your ten week old is really doing great. It's great when they can wake for a feed and then go back to sleep.

It was my experience when mine was tiny and not sleeping bruffin! And while 12-5 may technically count- it didn't in my house!

With my first I went to a post natal group and came away feeling utterly miserable because all of the 8 - 12 week old babies were sleeping through except mine who was up around 3 times a night. Before i went to the group I was perfectly happy with her sleep since she seemed to wake for about three feeds a night but was a quick feeder and settled back to sleep quite quickly afterwards. But because I then compared myself to others I became convinced I was doing something wrong!

Basically it is best to avoid all conversations about sleep unless it is with a very close friend or family member who will actually listen and support you. Because if you start to comparing your baby to others you'll go mad.

This time around , I have a six week old , I have been replying to anyone that asks about his sleep that "he sleeps like a baby really " very vague and then move the conversation on. To be honest his sleep changes from week to week anyway! Last week he woke every hour every night all week. A few nights ago he only woke once the whole night. The last few nights he has done a 3 hour stretch and then up every two hours after that. So they change constantly anyway so there's no much point analysing it or worrying about it! That's the conclusion I have reached this time anyway!

Thank you all! In honesty most of these conversations are conducted via text, and we're all (at least) 2nd time mother's so sleep is never actually brought up until the mother of the 'best' sleeper chips in (from nowhere!) about sleeping 8.30 to 5.30 (and usually in pretend concerned 'oh should I waken him/her to feed, they're sleeping so long' etc).

DD is completely marvellous, it just makes me wonder if the general expectation is that they should be doing 'better' or if, in general, babies of this age are doing 'better' or beginning to sleep in ery ling stretches as my (albeit limited) experience is that they don't, but I always seem to be in the minority.

Or is it that I'm very (too?) responsive at night, and she'd be fine going a bit longer. All of these thoughts can't not cross your mind when you're up for the 5th time feeding and it's only 2am!!

Or is it that I'm very (too?) responsive at night,

I do think this is why ebf babies oaverage n tend to sleep worse than ff babies. It requires no preparation so as soon as they make a noise you feed them, even though in some cases they'd go back to sleep without a feed. Perhaps try waiting a few minutes before feeding, or try and settle with a dummy or whatever if your baby has just had a feed.

I think it also depends when you speak to people. I spent months jealous of one mum who's baby slept through 8-6:30 but I have recently found out he isn't anymore. My 7 month old generally wakes up twice, sometimes more, going 8ish to 7ish. Last night she only woke once but then woke up for the day at 6, so I probably got less sleep. I've made my peace with (some) night wakings if I can 'lie in(!)' until gone 7.

my ds is 11 months now and has always been a pretty good sleeper since about 6 weeks, only waking once or twice between about 9pm and 7am. this is fuck all to do with anything i did or didn't do, he just likes sleep! anyone who gets competitive about their baby's sleep clearly has a) no empathy and b) not enough going on in their life

your DD sounds just perfect OP - she's just being a baby!

I keep telling people ds2 7 weeks is a good sleeper he sleeps 7-10-1-4 only waking for short feeds then sometimes can be fussy after 4 other times he goes back to sleep until 6/7 compared to ds1 this is heaven. If I say this to a person with a bad sleeper they say oh that's great so young but others with good sleepers look at me like I'm crazy from this I've concluded everyone has different opinions on sleeping through and good sleepers. I would say ds2 is good because he is in sleep mode at night for hours other people say he's not sleeping much because we are up every 3 hours.

My twins were mythical sleepers from early on. Considering how awful the first 10 weeks were I think it was payback.

In the first 10 weeks I was getting 45 minutes sleep between feeding and changing them both. Being prem meant they took ages to finish a bottle and the whole process could take 1.5 hours per baby.

They slept 10:30pm-7am from 10 weeks and 14 weeks. I wouldn't have made it if they hadn't.

And other legends...
My first slept through from 11 months.
My second is now 12 months and wakes an average of 3 times a night. She's never slept through, but has done 6 hours...

But. My first never cried. Yes, that legend. He cried for the first time with his first set of jabs. He is now a normal, challenging toddler.

My second used to sleep 10-8 waking once in that time for a quick feed, from 6 weeks until it went to shit at 4.5 months.

So, swings and roundabouts...

Agree with the when discussion takes place to be important. LO was a v
crappie sleeper from 1-5 weeks, amazing from 6-16 weeks (6-10 hours uninterrupted), and fairly good fom then til now (6 months, 8 hours with 1-3 waking for dummy or rocking back to sleep).

Also wanted to add that my nct group is great, all brutally honest and vety supportive og each other. Did think that a group that I went to at the sure start centre was competitive though and obsessed with sleep

I found my kids went through phases. Most of them started sleeping 6 hour stretches from 3 months but things like colic or teething woke them up. I was b conscious of ensuring the kids could send settle so did controlled crying. All of my kids have gone through great spells of sleeping then the night terrors stArt or the sleep walking. We even had to go through a phase of sitting with the kids until they went to sleep. Anyway you need to find a wAy to cope using whatever works for you but it does get better. My kids are 4, 6 and 8 now. Just the 4 year old having dreams and she's starting crawling in with us.

It's so subjective - comparing yourself to other parents is a recipe for misery I think. I am glad I didn't do NCT for this reason but I appreciate I am very lucky having a partner who works flexibly from home and lots of freelance friends so there are always people around.

You have to remember what people say is subjective and there is often a hidden story they're not telling you. "Oh, he sleeps through! (Well, it takes him ages to go down, so we eat our dinner at 10.30, then we just give a dream feed when he wakes at midnight, then that's it until we all get up for the day at 4.45am)".

When people ask me about mine I always just say "he's not bad, for a baby".

I am also a member of the shit sleep club, all the other nct babies were pretty good, they had their blips during teething but otherwise ok. Whenever one would say what a rough night they'd had with one or two wake up's, I used to just laugh and say that would be a dream for me :) on my online antenatal group there are plenty in the shit sleep club, I just have to accept it's one of those things and keep telling myself that I won't get these extra cuddles forever... Desperate times lol

She's 16 months now and has more or less been sleeping through for a week... First time ever, not expecting it to last, but have everything crossed.

My 13 month old wakes a LOT and will only spend the first hour of 2 in his cot, the rest of the night (from when I go to bed he is in with me). He wakes probably 4 times a night or more but has a quick feed and rolls back off to sleep again. He has never woken less than twice so as a result I'm pretty immune to it.

Friends whose babies used to sleep through are constantly moaning about them suddenly waking every hour-2hrs when they go through certain developmental leaps etc and they are at their wits end, as I've never had more than 2hrs (maybe the occasional 3!) in a row I don't notice these leaps!

When people ask how he sleeps I just say, "oh he's not really a sleeper but it doesn't really bother me as he just helps himself to boob and goes back to sleep". I HATE pitying looks so I just try and be as convincing as possible that I'm absolutely fine with it!

I really wish I could get him to sleep in his own cot so my DH could come back in our bed without DS taking up all the room but that's another story.....

I have a 9 week old and get up 1-2 times in the night (night being midnight until 8am). Of my NCT group I think I'm getting off lightly! Maybe others classify night differently?! We get 4hr stretches of sleep normally, with the odd blissful 5hr sleep. Much shorter if he's not feeling well.

Keep going!

Also, I tend to know exactly how much sleep my NCT friends are having because we're often on whatsapp at 3am messaging each other! Pre-baby, I had never texted anyone at that time of night when sober! Also agree that of my NCT group that formula fed babies seem to sleep for longer.

Didn't do NCT so I don't belong to one of those groups where there are lots of babies of a similar age. Mine seemed to sleep better than most - first did six hours at two weeks and did that every night from six weeks. She then gradually increased it to seven and then eight hours and now does twelve hours at night from approx nine months old. Most of the groups I go to it seems to be a competition over whose child sleeps the worst!

I read French children don't throw food before I was pregnant so had already decided to not respond to an initial grunt or noise etc but go to her when it was clear she really was hungry. This was very easy during our first five nights in hospital as everyone else's babies were so loud I couldn't hear mine anyway! So she connected sleep cycles early on, and also found her thumb very early in (still in hospital) which helps her sleep.

She slept next to me for first six months and is half BF and half FF still- I didn't FF at night as couldn't be bothered with the prep involved.

She actually slept much better than I did for months as I woke for every grunt and fart and had PND so was struggling with sleep anyway. It always felt very ironic to be lying awake next to a sleeping baby!

I had a mythical excellent sleeper, she's almost two and still sleeps like a dream. I never felt particularly smug about the sleep, just relieved. Of course I'm too scared to have another because, at 42, I fear getting a more wakeful baby and the lack of sleep would actually kill me.

My nct group is only five strong, and we had 2 average sleepers, 2 good sleepers, and one appalling sleeper. We were all pretty honest with each other about how awful we were finding bits of it, and there was no stealth boasting. It's all swings and roundabouts isn't it, my milk didn't come in (yes, yes, I tried fenugreek and flapjacks thanks) so I kept myself awake feeling like shit about that instead. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

Forgot to say- my HV was most disapproving of the sleeping six hours at two weeks thing. Said I should be waking her to feed during the night. I decided this was bonkers as she was perfectly capable of letting me know if she was hungry so I ignored the advice.

Baby has put on loads of weight and gone from 75th to 89th percentile. After initial milk supply problems (difficult birth and tongue tie) my milk suddenly increased dramatically at eight weeks, so not doing night feeds didn't affect it.