What do you do if a birthday party clashes with an extra curricular club?

[AmberEars]

My DC each do a couple of clubs outside school, mainly sporting ones. If your child receives an invitation to a birthday party which clashes with their weekly training session, which takes precedence?

DH and I usually have a very similar approach to parenting, but we can't seem to agree on this. He thinks that they should attend their training session or match except for a really good reason, and that birthday parties don't count as a really good reason (except maybe a best friend's party). He says it's to do with good discipline, making a commitment to something and sticking with it, and not letting down your coach and team mates.

My opinion is that the club is just for fun, fitness etc, they're never going to be a professional footballer (or whatever sport it is), their social life is important too and it would be sad for them to miss a friend's birthday party.

What do you think?

We would drop the club for one week ( although I have asked dc in the past and sometimes the activity wins out)

I agree with you, and also you have to think of the birthday child - not very nice for them not to have their friends attending their party.

What do your sons think?

It depends how old they are, how often it happens and what the nature of the activity is. Also how often they have missed it for other reasons such as illness or weekend away. Also how many parties they go to, how many are invited etc, how close they are to birthday child. In general I agree with your DH but I would probably make an exception unless it was happening regularly. In which case I woukd rethink the choice of activity.

When v young, party trumps sports. Parties are massively important for children's social skills, especially early in Reception when they are Michael by with children they may not have previously know.

At 8, DS chooses which he wa Ts to do. Unless it's a very good friend, it's usually sport.

Yes, we do ask the DC for their opinion too (agree with you Gizlot that they do sometimes pick the activity), but DH thinks we should be steering them towards declining the invite.

DH seems to feel really strongly about this!

My DC are 7, 9 and nearly 11. It seems to have become an issue recently because their clubs used to be mainly after school but are now at weekends too.

It is tricky, if they are like my DCs the number of activities has increased and the number of parties decreased after about age 8, so I am still inclined to facilitate party going. If it's a one-off then party, friendships are so important.

If in top 6-7 friends then I would say that the party wins. I guess it also depends how often they are invited to parties. One of mine is rarely invited and so for her I would say I would drop almost anything for an invite (I know that makes me sound desperate). For another they have lots of invites and so I might encourage them to evaluate a little more closely whether that party was vital. I think it also depends whether it is a team sport that couldn't run if some of the team were missing. I would probably still pick party for top 3-4 friends.

Round here it seems to be that for whole class parties where the invitee isnt close to the host, then ECAs win- I've had replies saying " sorry x has ballet/swimming etc". For smaller parties where they're personally invited, they can skip, but it does depend on seriousness and also on the activity and whether their attendance really impacts the other participants (bog standard swim lesson vs critical rehearsal for a dance show)

Always the party for us as it's someone else's special day.

I don't think there's a right answer and would tend to decide on a case by case basis, taking into account what DC wants to do, the effect on the activity if they miss it, the level at which they're doing the sport, and how close the friend is. At 7-11 showing commitment to an activity is important but so is showing commitment to friends and having a social life!

DD is 8 and does two or three relatively advanced gym classes where they do team routines and are sometimes preparing for competitions. They expect high attendance but say so when you join the class. I'd certainly make sure she was there unless for good reason - but I would regard the birthday party of a close friend as good reason. We have turned down a few invites to whole class/ less close friends' parties because of gym, but I can't think of a time when DD has been unhappy to do so.

DS, 10, does a sports club very much for fun, where there really is no problem with occasional missed attendance. In his case I would go with his wishes, either way.

What do your DC say they want to do when an invite rolls in?

Party would win for me, but not for 10 yo DS - he hates parties