New mum depressed

[Spanner83]

Hi,

I am new to all this but hoping by posting this I will hear from other mums who have been through the same thing.

I am a first time mum to a little boy, he is 5wks old tomorrow. I feel absolutely terrible for saying this but I am finding the whole experience very overwhelming. There is no doubt that I love him to bits I am just finding the change to my life unbearable, I am constantly thinking of all the things I can no longer do, nights out and weekends away etc...
He is a great baby and I have the most amazing partner who helps with everything I still can't seem to get over this overwhelming feeling of sadness and doubt that I have made a massive mistake having this baby. I feel I should be enjoying this time in my life but I am not and can't bear the thought of how much my life has changed forever. I keep bursting into tears all the time, I speak to my partner about it and he is very understanding and tells me I how great I am doing and what a natural mum I am and I can't bring myself to say I am not enjoying any of it.

I can't even blame sleep deprivation as my little one has been sleeping through the night, waking just the once for a feed. I am getting out a lot with my partner. I am just finding it harder and harder to get my head round the changes.

Has anyone else ever felt like this and does it get better?

Yes it gets better. I felt the same. I stared going to lots of baby groups/classes when my son was about 6 weeks and it helped to talk to other Mums. Through this I realised that lots and lots of them felt the same and it made me realise I wasn't alone in thinking 'what have I done?!' I think around the 12 week mark I noticed a big improvement in my mood, I finally got into the swing of things and stated enjoying being a mum. My son is now almost 9 months and I still have times when I find it hard, but generally I'm happy and I think he is too. I hope you start to feel better soon, it's very tough at the start.

I felt exactly the same, I cried every day for a month when my child was born. I can't even exactly put my finger on why, it was just all overwhelming and I felt like i had made a huge mistake and I wasn't suited to it all. Luckily in my case, I didn't go on to have PND, it just seemed to lift a bit of its own accord, and like the last poster, I also was in an NCT group where it was very common and most of the new mums seemed to feel a bit like they were having a breakdown in those first few weeks, we were all inexperienced and I don't think that helped us get perspective!

If you do feel it slipping into a depressed or numb or non-bonded state, then do go to the GP or just chat with the midwife. Your feelings of having a huge life change and just wanting it all back the way it was are normal though, and in my case, they just faded in those early months and having a child clinging on became the new normal.

Hope it works out for you.

It definitely gets better. I cried pretty much every day for the first 12 weeks. I found it so overwhelming, struggled with feeding issues and mourned the loss of my previous life. I remember crying down the phone to my mum saying that I just wanted to enjoy my baby but couldn't. I also felt I was wasting my maternity leave by feeling too overwhelmed to go to groups etc... My DD is almost 5 months now and those feelings faded over time and things are so much better. We go to groups and classes and she is the light of my life. I popped out for a friend's birthday drinks last week and realised that I no longer miss the nights out that I was mourning for at the beginning and much prefer my 'new normal'. Hang in there!

Yes, it gets so much better.

At 5 weeks they need so much from you and give very little back. As he grows you'll get all the lovely things that make up for what you've lost in terms of freedom - he'll be smiling, laughing, talking, cuddling... its all still to come. And your freedom will come back too. Having a tiny baby is all-consuming but it's short. Some of your life is changed forever. A lot of it bounces back though, once they're older. Your social life isn't over!

Go easy on yourself, everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes. Just because he's an easy baby and you have a supportive partner doesn't mean you somehow lose the right to find it all scary or hard sometimes.

If you continue to feel low though, please do talk to a GP about the possibility of post natal depression. You don't have to cope alone. Good luck

Know that it gets better over time. It is a new life, and one that is not necessarily worse than the previous one. Remember these two things and repeat them to yourself every single day till you feel them true.

OP I was exactly the same, and for me it lasted a long time. I had this constant sense of loss and regret, and also couldn't just enjoy my baby. Now I so regret not getting stuck into baby groups with DS strapped to me, just to see what happened! I suffered from anxiety and stayed home far too much.

Just as Frozen describes, slowly I emerged, and came to realise that I wasn't mourning the life anymore. I go to drinks and dinners and client events and spend most of entire counting the minutes until I can get home and be near my baby (now toddler).

Congratulations on your lovely baby. I am now 6 weeks pregnant with my second and would so LOVE it to work out, not least so I can try things differently in the early days.

@Spanner83 hi! I no this is a old
Post but I've just stumbled across it and it's like I've written it myself ! I'm due in 2 weeks and feeling exactly all the things you've said, please tell me how it went for you and when and if Things got better? Thankyou! X

Firstly congratulations OP! You’ve managed to keep a little baby alive for 5 weeks!

Secondly, Oh god this could’ve been me when DD was 5 weeks old! I know everyone says it’s the hardest thing in the world but you never understand until it hits you like a wall when you’re doing it yourself!

I would cry and cry with resentment that I had lost my way of life and suddenly have to be switched on 24-7 to look after a little person.

20 weeks in and it has definitely got easier but more because I’ve adapted than things “getting easier”. I’m just constantly on the go but it’s second nature now and DD has such a little personality now so it’s a lot more enjoyable.

I think it was around 5 weeks that my baby had colic so we just took it in turns to soothe her until bedtime. It made a massive difference when we just accepted and anticipated that this was going to happen every eve rather than sitting their anxiously waiting for her to start.

My advice to you is to take an hour at a time. That way you don’t wallow in “we’re having a bad day”. Forget about the house work - you’ll get the hang of juggling it eventually. Get some healthy ready meals in for dinner. Leave baby with DP and BOOK A HAIR APPOINTMENT! I used to find getting highlights really boring because of all the sitting around but a child free 2.5 hours reading shit magazines is the best!

And enjoy your baby! The first thing to go is they stop sleeping on your chest - I miss those days so much!

@kirstywursty012 thankyou so much for replying and making me realise I'm not alone in having these feelings, I guess it is just a massive life change but eventually it will become the norm, are you feeling better about it all now?
Thanks x

It definitely gets better. I think it would be a very rare Mum who has not felt the same way you do now.