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working and motherhood..does it get any easier?VERY LONG

5 replies

BarbieLovesKen · 06/02/2007 21:40

Im so so thankful for all our blessings and really do feel quite guilty for complaining but im going to anyway!..

Does anyone else find it hard?
I work full time, dp works full time (although when I say he works full time he has ridiculous time off, hes a military musician and although (thankfully) he is paid quite a good salary, most days he has to be in work for 10 and is finished by 2 - brilliant because he gets to collect dd from cm early alot to spend time with him or if not has the time to do errands: banking etc that im unable to do cos in the office all day. Anyway, to cut to the chase, I sometimes just find it so so hard!, I feel awful for complaining because I know mothers who work full time with more than one child and don't have the luxury of having a husband or partner with the time off that my dp has, but..... God, im so tired, today - perfect example - dp and I got up at half 7 so we could get dd into bed with us for a big cuddle before work, up by 10 to 8, rush..(cos as usual, should have got up earlier) breakfast for dd, dress her, have a quick play, get myself half presentable (aarrgh cant find anything ironed!!), dp changes car seat from his car to mine, he rushes off cos works further away than I do, wash dds face, teeth, hands, brush hair, put on coat and hat, grab her bag (thankfully organised nappies, food, clothes etc the night before), get her into car, struggle with damn straps and back killing me when bending because it has never been the same since I was pregnant, drive to cm's while singing "twinkle twinkle" over and over again at the request of dd (15 months), drop at our fabulous cm's, bring dd and bag in, go back and get car seat and leave in cms (incase they go on a trip), quick chit chat, kisses and cuddles for dd, rush back to car, now running little late (have a 10oclock meeting 30 miles away and traffic usually ridiculous), stop at shop and grab coffee cos havent had time for breakfast, get lost trying to find the fecking offices for this damn meeting, finally find it, thankfully on time, quite a tough meeting, lots of complaining - goes on til 1oclock, rush back to car (my office is 50minutes away), go to mcDonalds (i know, yuck!) drive through for burger because so quick, run into tescos and grab nappies cos nearly out, fly back to office, get in, LOADS to do cos missed out on precious time at the meeting all morn, trying to catch up, ring to talk to dd on phone, dp rings to ask info about solicitors etc (we are building a house), leave office 10 mins early (at 20 past 5), dp has already collected dd, get home 6oclock, house like a bomb hit it-as always!(even though spent hours cleaning last night?!wtf?), sit down and play dolls with dd, sing songs, prepare and give her tea (and myself), get her ready for bed, read a story, have cuddles on couch for half an hour, tidy the mess in her room we made playing before I put her to bed at quarter past 8,dp goes to a conference(is doing his degree through part time education) put on two loads of washing, fold, etc, clean all kitchen, bathroom, read post, lay out dds clothes for the morn, pack her bag, clean out my car because in big mess, sort out bills to be paid, sitting down at 9.15 (on mn)so thats over 13 hours non stop going and still have to read through a HUGE document from work asap to make myself familiar with, and grab a shower, will get to bed prob after 12 and the whole thing will start again tomorrow, weekend will be spent cleaning, trying to catch up on everything I cant do cos at work and of course, spending time with my little girl...

on top of that, as Ive said, we are beginning to build a house, ive just finished an evening course (Thank God) which still tired from, planning our wedding (for next year)......sometimes the pressure does overwhelm even though I know im soooo lucky.

I suppose what my question is is does it get any easier? is "starting out" the hardest time and does it get easier as you get older? (im 21, dp is 23, dd 15 months) or if not, any tips on how to relieve some of the pressure? im never going to give up work for to countless to mention reasons so thats out.

Any advice or success stories would be hugely appreciated!! and im so so sorry for such a long winded post.... thank you

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
starfairy · 06/02/2007 21:47

Dont wory it'll get easier, it all just seems so overwhelming at first. Sounds like ur doing great to me. Go see chiropractor 4 ur back, they work wonders. Do u have a day of from work?

GhostOfMumsnet · 06/02/2007 21:47

It is hard. I'm a teacher and I''m lucky because of the holidays (obviously). However in order to see my kids during the week I have to get up at 6am and be into work by 7:30. I hate this but do it so that I can leave work around 4:00-4:30ish. By the time I get home I get to see the dc for 2 hours before I start putting them to bed.

I enjoy my job but hate the looks I get when I leave the school earlier than the other staff, even though I'm in work 1hour before them.

Hey, working is not an added extra, it's a necessity. You do it and you get through it. My kids are 5 and 4.

tiredemma · 06/02/2007 21:47

Oh dont get me started on this. Im bloody worn out.

Here is my day.
get up at 0630
get ds2 ready for nursery, Dp leaves at 0700 with ds2 to take to nursery and get to work himself.
I get ds1 up, washed ready for school.Have Brekkie with ds1
Tidy house quickly before we leave.( put washing on etc)
Leave house at 0820- walk to school (15 mins walk)
I get on two buses for 45 min journey to uni.
start Uni at 1000 - finish approx 1400- ( if im not at work after uni ill go and collect ds1 from school and get home, get tea ready etc)

But on days such as today, I finish uni at 2pm, rush home, get changed, have a snack.
Get bus back into town to start work 5pm- here till 10pm.

Im bloody worn out and hardley see my family in the week.

Weekends are special to me, we do lots together.

Dp is my saviour and keeps our house in order when im not around.

its successful because we make it work and its important to me to get a decent education and job for myself.

but.....
ITS HARD!!!!

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time4me · 06/02/2007 21:47

Sounds a normal happy home .Lucky little girl.Yes it does get easier and its perfectly obvious you adore your daughter. Stop beating yourself up,and try and get a an early night a week.Put a video on for your daughter and read a good magazine.Try not to set such high standards for yourself and relax more,easier to write this if it isnt in your nature

BarbieLovesKen · 06/02/2007 22:31

thank you all so much for your lovely words and sound advice.

Starfairy, thanks for being concerned about my back - your very thoughtful - its not that bad, just niggles me, if you know what I mean, I have the weekends off - lucky like that but still don't find much time to rest... find it so so important that when off, my time is priority to dd so we usually spend the two days having mammy, daddy and baby time - forget about the house and all that needs to be done when shes awake - could fall down for all we care cos our time with her is limited as it is but then the knock off effect to this is when she goes to bed friday and saturday night I have been known to be up til 2 cleaning and trying to catch up and then of course really need to have some "kissing" time with dp

Ghostofmumsnet, feck other people! your clocking up the hours so its none of their business, although I can understand how it would be annoying. Thank you.

tiredemma, im sorry you have so much to do, I felt awful for moaning when I read your story (uni AND working AND babies) your fantastic. Although, I have to admit it is nice to know others are in the same boat and that im not a failure for finding it hard!!

timeforme, Oh, your very sweet, thanks a million for your advice!!..

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