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Parenting

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Original poster

Ds arrested

10 replies

bonniej · 12/06/2004 00:02

I have not stopped crying. My ds (15) was late home tonight (he's never late). We were so worried we phoned the police station and it turns out he's been arrested on suspicion of breaking into a school with his friends. I don't know all the details dh has gone down to get him. I can't believe this is my son. He is really clever at school and has never been in trouble before. I am so so miserable and feel a complete failure as a parent

OP posts:

maisystar · 12/06/2004 00:09

definately dont feel a failure. if he has never been in trouble before maybe he has been pressured into it? my instinct would be to give him a hug tonight and talk properly about it tomorrow. not trying to say its not a big deal-it is- but i reckon right now he's probably feeling like a scared little boy.

hope your ok xx

Original poster

bonniej · 12/06/2004 00:14

thankyou for your reply. In a way I'm relieved he's safe as all sorts of thoughts were running through my mind when he was late. I just don't want him to waste his life and take the wrong route. He's so bright and could have such a good future. I still can't believe its happened. I really don't know how to handle it at all.

OP posts:

Bettybloo · 12/06/2004 00:19

I agree with Maisystar. Isn't 15 just about the peak of peer pressure? They were probably all larking around and didn't think for a moment about the seriousness of what they were doing - the police will probably just caution them .
Don't feel a failure - it sounds like an idiot teenage prank. You're a good mother. just be glad he's back safe for now and deal with it in the morining when you know all the details.

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mummytojames · 12/06/2004 01:40

bonni reading your thread makes me think back to when we were his age fair enough we never got in trouble with the police i think in my case that was more luck (stupid things like hanging around when you were supposed to be in)i know what he did was wrong but please try and remember how you felt at his age because no matter how grown up they act there still kids and you never now the run in with the police has probably scared the living daylights out of him so he knows not to crumble to presure again and keep him on the straight and narrow its nothing to do with how we bring our kids up after all they are there own person and like us at there age have to face the conserquences accordingly
i honestly think kids have got it harder now then we had it because we had the freedom and we knew if we did wrong we were for it and he should be grateful he got such loving parents at his age my mother would have left me at the station over night to teach me a lesson

luckymum · 12/06/2004 09:23

bonniej - hope he's back home now and you're OK. My ds1 (also 15) was arrested last year in connection with some criminal damage. In the end it turned out he was with the group but on the sidelines and didn't actually do anything. He wasn't charged but it was a hell of a few days and I know exactly how let down you feel. In ds's case it actually did him good - frightened the life out of him to be honest and things really did improve. Not that he was all that bad but it gave him an insight into how things can turn out if you choose the 'wrong' mates. Thinking of you.

lars · 12/06/2004 19:28

bonniej, Hope all is ok now.
Tomorrow is another day and I'm sure you will come through this.
Sometimes teenager do things out of character and I'm sure he knows its wrong and realizes how upset you are.
If he is not usually like this is he under pressure from his friends to get into trouble? larsxx

noddy5 · 12/06/2004 19:35

this is the sort of thing boys of that age do they egg each other on and it seems like a good idea at the time.Better to support him and he'll probably not want to disappoint you by repeating this sort of thing good luck!My son is 10 so am very interested in these posts as I know it wont be long!

BooMama · 13/06/2004 19:45

My brother was arrested at this age (about 13 years ago) after sneaking out at night and throwing a brick through a shop window and stealing some items with a couple of 'friends'. The police caught him almost straight away and arrested him (he had a balaclava in his pocket...)
We had that horrible phone call in the middle of the night from the police and my dad had to go and collect him.
We were so shocked and really disappointed that we felt we knew so little about what was going on in his head. Needless to say the few hours he spent in the cell really shook him up and there were no problems afterwards (serious talk from my parents and grounded). I felt for ages I couldn't trust him and was always listening out at night for his footsteps but it was all ok. He's a lovely, responsible young man now and you'd never believe it of him. It's just a difficult age and some boys aren't good at sharing their feelings and it all comes out in some unfortunate outlet...
Good luck but I'm sure he'll be fine and you'll weather through it.

Flip · 13/06/2004 19:51

I was eleven when I first got arrested and I'm not a criminal now and nor do I have a record. I was playing on a building site having a riot with a rival gang when the police got us. I've also been told off by the police for a few other things . I think the best thing to do is talk camly and reason. If you make a big deal of it he'll probably just stop talking to you. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know I put my mum and dad through hell but they never yelled at me and I was always honest. Good luck

Original poster

bonniej · 14/06/2004 14:18

Just an update. It turns out that ds and friends were playing football near the school and some other kids that he knows but not very well broke into the school. The others ran from the school when the alarm went off and ds and friends also ran as they were scared. DS and one of his friends were arrested but the police agree that it wasn't him that actually committed any offence. What an absolute nightmare . I am so relieved that he didn't actually do anything really bad, even though he shouldn't have been in the school grounds at all (I think i'll give him a break on that one!). Thank you all so much for your support.

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