2 kids + 1 step, want another but no money.

[jaynel]

I have a dd, ds and a sd, the girls are 8 and 9 and my son is 20 months, i am longing for another baby and i think about it everyday. but the thing is money, we earn a good amount but due to debt and child maintence we lose a lot. would i cope with 4 kids and debt?. also i am worried that the more i have the less time i get to spend with the others, i dont want my dd to feel left out in a few years and go and get herself pg like i did, my kids mean the world to me,i just feel like i need 1 more. pls help

what you needd is to get away from it all and try to find some perspective. the drive to have babies is so strong its hard to see anything else, but you already said you have valid reasons not to....

i had a similar longing a couple of months back which was wierd coz i have many reasons for being ahppy with the 3 i have (+1 step part time)... i spoke to dp about it and he surprised me by saying: its ok, if i really want another we can do it, no need to do it just yet but dont think it'll never happen, coz it could ...

funny really, coz the second it wasnt ruled out as a possibility, i no longer yearn for it. maybe thinking the same way could help you?

thats what has got me thinking, my dh never wanted anymore,then he agreed now i keep thing about all these obstacles

i think you need to try not to think abotu it for a bit.... maybe make a decision to stay as you are for, say, a year, and then tell yourself you will revisit the idea then. that gives you a year (or however long you like) to relax about making the Big Decision, so that when you think about it again later, you hopefully have a better idea of what you really want, rather than acting on a temporary yearning or impulse...

a bit like leaving the crossword puzzle and coming back to it later with a fresh mind/perspective

thanks nappiesgalore, i think my labour had a lot to do with how i feel, my ds was born my emergency c section and i was put to sleep by mistake, when i woke up there was my baby, i love him dearly but missed out on his birth in a big way, i get very upset and extremely jelous when i see people in labour on telly or when i see pregnant women in the street, i know im silly but natural labour was very important to me, i will never forget the day when my dd was born it was the best thing i ever done and went through. i just want to do it again. x

ahhhhhhh, that makes sense. thats why you want it so much...

ok, so thats valid. recognise that and accept it. you can still set a time to come back to it... say 6m or a year, and give yourself a rest from dwelling on it 24/7. i do think that will help you.

i think that as soon as you take the pressure off to make the 'right' decision, the answer will come to you. law of sod and all that

thanks nappiegalore it been nice to tell someone my feelings

no problem.