Both DS & DD prefer their dad - what am I doing wrong?

[nevermore]

I've got two under 4, DS is 3 and DD is nearly 2 and both love DH immeasurably more than me. I'm trying not to let it bother me but it's pretty hard especially like today at the swimming pool when both of them wanted to jump off the side into his arms. Any attempt by me to get them jumping on me was met by squeals of refusal/horror.

I'm not that much of a monster honestly but really can't compete with DH who really is a dream dad and far more fun, tolerant and generally laid back than me. I can't even blame their preference on the fact that they see more of me and therefore he's the novelty because we both work part time & totally share the child care.

Short of actually turning into a female version of him I don't know what to do and feel like I'm being a fraud if I play all the games he does. I do spend time playing with them, take them to nice places, visit friends and cook them food they actually want but none of it seems to work. They're fine if he's at work and give me cuddles etc but we're both available he's the favourite hands down every time.

I know I'm lucky to have such an involved man but feel shunned.

I think kids prefer the parent who is generally less available! In some ways I have more patience than DH, even though I'm around the kids more, but DS1 certainly prefers DH. At some point DS2 will start preferring DH, and frankly, I'm looking forward to it. (I'm the only one qualified to pour his breakfast cereal at the moment. )

Seriously, relax and enjoy the fact they have such a good relationship with him.

Gosh i am certain i have felt like this in the past nevermore...i do not now!
I think in phases children do prefer one parent - its human nature- please do not beat yorslef up over it - your time will come.
I am much more disciplinarian than my chidrens dad and he is more full on rough and tumble but as they get older they will like you for your qualities. Please dont try to be him or emulate him - your babies are very young - they dont know you properly yet.
You are not doing anything wrong - just be you hth?

Gosh i am certain i have felt like this in the past nevermore...i do not now!
I think in phases children do prefer one parent - its human nature- please do not beat yorslef up over it - your time will come.
I am much more disciplinarian than my chidrens dad and he is more full on rough and tumble but as they get older they will like you for your qualities. Please dont try to be him or emulate him - your babies are very young - they dont know you properly yet.
You are not doing anything wrong - just be you hth?

oh, god love you - what an awful way to feel. I really feel for you - I can sympathise as my 2 also seem to prefer daddy as well, but honestly, you are their mum and when the chips are down they know that. I bet you are doing a great job, and although you say you share the childcare do you get left with any of the boring routine stuff and discipline more? Please try not to take it to heart - I know it is easier said than done, but it is a slippery slope to then feed that emotion of rejection back to them, however subtlely. Have you chatted to your DH about this? he may see things from a different perspective which may bolster you self esteem a little. Big hugs.

Dd was just like that at their age, and ds seems to be following suit. It gets to the point where you don't want to do things as a family as you feel like a spare part. I know exactly how you feel and it does feel horrible.
Dd is older now and we all have a good relationship. Ds I just have to put up with it for the time being and hope he too grows out of this seemingly obvious favouritism.
You aren't alone.

God, thanks so much MNers I feel quite choked. Posey, you hit the nail on the head about almost not wanting to do family things as it makes the preference even more marked but since we have fairly limited time together this seems really mad. I actually get quite embarassed and feel really left out when both kids are bouncing around in DH's arms and I'm flapping about like a spare part.

I have talked to him about it and he's honest enough not to pretend it's not happening but hasn't got many answers. I console myself with saying (rather bitchily) that it must be than men just have so much in common with toddlers! I know this isn't exactly kind but makes me feel a bit better. What a cow!

Swings and roundabouts. I am currently flavour of the month.

Oh nevermore, I can sympathise too ... it's miserable. I'm sure that you rationally know that this is just a phase, but (if you're anything like me) you can't help taking it personally...
It tends to be self-perpetuating too, as you feel like you don't want to make an effort if you're just going to be knocked back

It sounds to me like your dh is great at the 'fun' bits, like so many men ... and I think you've got a point about toddlers & men . Even if they don't show it all the time, I bet they really appreciate & learn from your strengths ... & you sound like you do lovely things together.

Just be yourself ... they DO love you to bits, I promise

Thanks for the support and I'll stop whinging now honestly - just one last bleat ... I hope it's a phase it's just that it's been quite long now (must be four + months) and they've never really seemed to prefer me. I shall just have to resort to hiding chocolate about my person and waving it at them when DH's back is turned!

Whinge all you like, thats one of mn's roles!!
And in a few months, you'll be reassuring someone else going through the same thing.

It is always more marked when both parents are around, which is a shame if you're really looking forward to quality family time. I was really fed up this morning as both kids were in daddy-mode. Anyway he had to go to work and as it was such a nice afternoon, I insisted we went to the park. They didn't want to but we did and we had a great time. I have found though that if they realise it bothers me, or if I am fed up because of it, they withdraw to their dad even more. I just have to rise above it (when actually I feel like being a petulant child and stamping my feet and saying "I want you to be my best friend not him")

I've been having exactly the same feelings for weeks, this post could even have been written by me as I also have a dp who is to be frank the best dad on the planet. He is patient, kind, imaginative basically superdad and it really does annoy the hell out of me at times. I know I'm lucky and should just try to be grateful instead of sounding like a winging Winnie but it is hard when you feel a bit inadequate. I try and concentrate on what I'm good at eg reading stories, wiping tears and orgenisation. Because I'm good at story telling and get hold of lovely books etc they adore these time and dp isn't allowed a look in. Ok it's only 10 mins before bed but it does boost my confidence. Trying to fit this in more during the day.
I just don't get rough housing and never will so I just don't join in. My 3 kids are exactly the same ages as yours so it maybe a stage thing. Not much help but it does look as if this is more commen than we think. Perfect men-damn them!!!!

but if you weren't then they really woudl miss you. mum's are different. Dad's are probably more exciting cos you are always around and he isnt.