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Original poster

This scared me, and made me think....

45 replies

deegward · 10/06/2004 22:04

I am going through a "trying" time with ds1, tantrum city (he's 4) doing all the ignoring etc, but can't help when sometime it gets to me I and yell back, or have on occasion dragged to room, or had to really stopped myself from really hitting him (have smacked but never hit - and don't really want to get into debate about rights or wrongs).

However today I think I have had a wake up call. Talking to my neighbour who was telling about a mummy at her son's school. Son (8) was being particularly rude and bad to mum, and in frustration she slapped him on the face. The son then went into the front room and called the police. Police came round, and the size of it is the boy has been put on an "at risk" register, ss have been contacted etc, etc. The mum helps out at school as a classroom assistant, and may loose her job.

Don't even know why am telling this story, apart from the fact that I think, God scary!

OP posts:
Crystaltips · 10/06/2004 22:06

Help! That child is very "streetwise"? Why would that be I wonder ?
Or does every 8 year old ( apart from mine ) know their "rights"

carla · 10/06/2004 22:11

God! Think that's all I can say! How (un)believable

maisystar · 10/06/2004 22:13

am speechless

eddm · 10/06/2004 22:39

There must be more to this, surely? Although reading the various Meadows/Lost Mothers threads does make you wonder if child protection workers see their job as being anti- all parents...

handlemecarefully · 10/06/2004 22:44

I'm not particularly pro smacking and think smacking should be avoided where possible, but it is ludicrous to put this boy on the at risk register....

marialuisa · 11/06/2004 08:39

sorry, there must be more to this than you've been told. The process of putting a child on the "at risk" register is pretty lengthy.

Have to say that I think the mother was in the wrong though.

Freckle · 11/06/2004 09:47

DS2 once called the Fire Brigade to come and rescue him when we'd sent him to his room. Imagine the embarrassment when I opened the front door to find 5 burly firemen standing on my doorstep with a bl**dy great fire engine at the end of the drive .

carlyb · 11/06/2004 10:01

oh freckle - how embarrasing, but how lovely to be greeted by 5 burly fireman! that would make my day (god I sound like a frustrated housewife)

Twinkie · 11/06/2004 10:07

Fucks me off frankly to think of what happened to Victoria Columbie and such like and the bloody police never got involved until their sad broken little bodies finally gave up and yet they will respond to this in such a way.

God in our neck of the woods it would take a man with a gun and several accomplices to get a policeman to turn up at all!!

MeanBean · 11/06/2004 16:07

As Marialuisa says, I would assume (and hope!) that there would be more to this story than an aggrieved 8 year old making just one phone call to get put on the at risk register. But does anyone on Mumsnet actually know exactly what the process of getting on an at risk register is? Is it standard? Or is it different for each area? Because whenever stories like this arise, people in the know always say that this couldn't possibly happen - so what does happen? I'm curious...

marialuisa · 11/06/2004 16:18

have some experience of it through some voluntary work I'm involved with. As I understand it there are national guidelines but as you say, it does vary from region-to-region. whilst all SS are overstretched some (such as where i am) are more overstretched than others. from the contact with SS etc. I have I find it impossible to believe that this would happen unless the family was known for some reason already.

But, I'm not a professional SW.

tallulah · 11/06/2004 19:19

My DH put our tantruming DD in the car boot (a Rover with a boot big enough to party in) because she wouldn't get in the car, when she was about 9 ish. He drove about 10 foot down the road (our road- residential- no traffic) then got her out. A woman over the road called the police, who came round that evening.

I didn't agree with what he did at the time, but I was so angry when I found out who called the police because it was another mum from our school, who knew us (so obviously didn't fear it was a kidnap). I was on the verge of marching over there & dumping all 4 kids on her doorstep since she was obviously such a perfect mother.

As it was the police asked DH what happened, called DD down & asked her as well. She backed up what he said (bit daft because we were all in the room so if it had been a dodgy situation she couldn't have said anything) & they left. They thought it was funny. DD also thought it was funny.

Why can't some nosey parker like that knock on the door first?

Back to deegwards original story though- this is what makes me nervous about banning smacking. Gives kids huge amount of power over their parents.

Slink · 11/06/2004 19:35

Oh my good. Our dd(3) is going through this tanturms and Dh will shout and i try and talk calm (unless on a period and then shout too) and walk away and have had to drag her upstairs.

But our nosiy neighbour will then say something.

I worked In a Mothers and Toddlers Home and you have to be pretty well known to get on the register that quick.

Pagan · 23/06/2004 15:55

I remember an article in the news a couple of years ago where a very respectable school teacher father lost the rag with his daughter in a dentist's waiting room. She was throwing a complete wobbly about going to the dentist despite having colossal toothache. He had pulled her trousers down and smacked her on the bottom in the waiting room to try to calm her down. Someone reported this. The child was taken into care, he was suspended from his job, it was just before Xmas and the child was allowed back with the family but he was banned from being there. The child was distraught coz Daddy wasn't there for Xmas. It all got horribly messy. I think eventually he was cleared of abuse but only after well over a year so the family life as they all knew it was ruined and I don'y think he got his job back but don't quote me. All because of some smug do-gooder.

gothicmama · 23/06/2004 15:58

for every example given here there could be similar ones with not so "good"'nice' endings and peopel had not phoned the police they would be feeling bad and peopel saying why did not anyone phone the police -

marialuisa · 23/06/2004 16:02

Have to say Pagan that I thought that father was well out of line. Even if you accept smacking why did he need to pull her pants down and put her over his knee in a crowded waiting room?

Personally I find some of the comments about "nosey neighbours" and "do-gooders" really sad...

Blu · 23/06/2004 16:03

And the dentists waiting room man was a teacher. Not what i would want from a teacher of DS.

gothicmama · 23/06/2004 16:04

have to say I would not like someone capable of humilating own child anywhere near mine

dinosaur · 23/06/2004 16:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Angeliz · 23/06/2004 16:07

I agree with Marialuisa about that one, just from the details here, if he pulled her trousers down and put her over his knee.....it actually makes me cringe with embarrasment on her behalf! Poor child- what total humiliation!!!!

As for the other one, i too think there was probably more to it.!

Blu · 23/06/2004 16:08

And wasn't she about 10?
Nasty.

Angeliz · 23/06/2004 16:09

I'm nearly in tears at the thought of it and IMO he deserved to be shamed for it!!

hmb · 23/06/2004 16:13

Blimey I don't think that my 7 year old can use a phone let alone know the number for child line. Shr can dial 999 I suppose.....

MeanBean · 23/06/2004 17:25

Don't know about that headmaster, I'm in two minds about it. Trouble is, these stories pass into legend and it becomes very difficult to decipher what really happened. And because of confidentiality issues, we never really know anyway. On the face of it, it looks like the state using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. I wouldn't condone the guy's behaviour at all, but to ruin the family's christmas and destroy their family life for a year for something which we find distasteful, but after all was perfectly legal, makes me feel very uneasy about the power of the state. There must be a better way to deploy the resources of over-stretched social services departments. But that's just a surface reading - unless you know the exact ins and outs of what the investigation entailed, I don't think you can ever really have an informed opionion on cases like these.