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Parenting

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Original poster

I've just Smacked ds because I was so angry

12 replies

soashamed · 10/06/2004 21:28

I've been having problems with him for a few months and have basically got to the stage where I don't like him much. He's started telling lies, being beligerent and generally being really off with me. his favourite expression is "T" whenever he's asked to do anything and I get the most awful dirty looks.

He went to bed at 8 and read till 8.30 and I could hear noises from his room so I went in and asked him what he was doing. He was lying on his tummy and obviously hiding something. He pretended to be all sleepy and I gave him the chance to own up and hand over what it was. He refused, so I did the "you have 5 seconds or I will get really angry". He said "I'm not telling lies" at which point I pulled him up and he had some skateboard mini toys in bed (about 10 of them). I just lost it and whacked him 3 times quite hard on his backside (through his pjs) but enough to hurt my hand. I left saying "I don't like you and I think you are turning into a horrible little boy".

Now I feel really awful as I promised myself not ever to smack my kids and he's gone to bed with those words ringing in his ears.

No apology though from him and he had every chance to tell the truth before I smacked him...he just took it and lay there...not even a whimper.

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twiglett · 10/06/2004 21:40

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twiglett · 10/06/2004 21:40

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deegward · 10/06/2004 21:42

Speaking from experience, as have a particularyly sh* time with ds1, I think you just have to chalk it up to experience. If it makes you feel any better, I tld my ds1 when he was mid tantrum and trashing about on the floor that I hated him. God I can't believe I have told you that.

Much better people than me will hopefully give you advice, just know people have done it before and will do it again, not saying its right, it just sometimes happens. Going to cry in a corner.

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noddy5 · 10/06/2004 21:45

Everyone loses it at least once.My ds is 10 and I have never smacked him but have said things similar to you when really p'd off with him.Explain to him that you are trying to teach him about being honest and good and say you know he's not horrible often.It is hard with the rolling eyes etc How old is he?Don't feel too bad kids forget one offs like this BTW my ds had his bed full of yugioh(?)cards tonight and I have got so sick of telling him they are still there and he's fast asleep

gothicmama · 10/06/2004 21:54

I would go and make up - I think from the smacking thread best notdone in anger but hard situation to be in have a nice tiem with him if its not too late at night

jampot · 10/06/2004 22:04

I always make sure my kids go to bed without a cross word. I tell them I love them and tuck them up. If we've had issues in the day I still make sure they don't go to bed on them but we may still seek to resolve them the next day. I can understand where you're coming from though as sometimes my children (esp dd (11))get so close to a smack. I actually told her to p*ss off once when she wouldn't do as she was told(which makes me very ashamed)... she still didn't do it though

carla · 10/06/2004 22:04

Dear, dear soashamed ... (btw, that's dear, dear, not 'oh dear'

... I did that a couple of times when dd1 much younger, (strangely (now I know better )and deeply regretted it. Don't be so hard on yourself - there ARE times when both you and dd/ds just can't take it. Hugs and I haven't done it ever since I did it and instantly regretted it.

carla · 10/06/2004 22:06

gothicmamma's right - go and make up!

islandgirl · 10/06/2004 22:07

I would go and talk to him - agree with twiglett really. The thing is you can't take words back once they are out, and maybe it would teach him something, if he realsied that saying sorry is OK.
Good luck.

handlemecarefully · 10/06/2004 23:04

Soashamed,

No need to be 'soashamed' - you're human and kids can really push your buttons. Say sorry to him for telling him that you didn't like him, but don't continue beating yourself up about this. Most of us have let the perfect mother halo slip a few times!

nightowl · 11/06/2004 00:12

i never hit ds, i dont think smacking really resolves anything but i admit i once smacked him so hard around the head that he nearly fell over. i really did not mean to do it. i went to pick him up from his dad's (he was about four at the time) i knocked the door, it opened, he flew out and without any warning, punched me straight in the doofah. it was more of an automatic response type thing. his dad's gf just stood there open mouthed and i burst into tears at what id just done! if i have an issue with ds (which i have to say is rare because he is very well behaved most of the time, im very lucky) i say what needs to be said, and yes i do shout sometimes although i try to be calm, but afterwards its forgotten. i dont stay in moods with him and i never, ever go to bed on an argument. (but then im like that with everyone, not just ds) dont worry about it, it happens to us all, sometimes they can stress you to the limit!

Ghosty · 11/06/2004 02:16

Soashamed ... we all lose it sometimes ... I lost it with DS this morning at 5am when he got up ... I am particularly tired at the moment due to non sleeping baby ... so I know how you feel.
I do agree with Twiglett though ... I feel the words are worse than the smack. I hope you can talk to him about it ...
Hugs {{{}}}

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