Friend's parenting differently

[Namechanger5432121]

I have name changed for this as aware my friend may be a mumsnetter.

I have this friend who I have seen almost fortnightly since our DC were born almost 3 years ago. We are great friends and have supported each other through the highs and lows of baby stage and now toddler into preschool stage and always got on very well despite having quite different parenting styles.
Lately (last couple of months) I have noticed her DS behaviour becoming more and more disruptive and have mostly accepted that it is the age and stage for this but the last couple of meet ups we have had have been awful and his behaviour is terrible.
She is extremely laid back and even sometimes allowing ds to do things that are dangerous because she is chatting/ eating/ can't be bothered (her words) and I am getting more and more anxious when we are together.
We alternate between houses for play dates as neither of us have much money.
The last few times we have been at hers I have witnessed the following:
DS climbing on coffee table and banging on the TV on the wall
Throwing toys down the stairs repeatedly resulting in them breaking
Emptying a whole box of toys and then just jumping on them breaking a few in the process which then result in sharp plastic
Standing on high window sills and jumping around
Each and every time she has just moved DS and laughed about it.
She didn't even notice the broken toys and I have to sift through them as didn't want my DS to then stand on one and hurt himself.

Anyway yesterday they came to me and I spent the whole time watching her DS, clearing up after him as he was getting out my things as well as every single toy, he also managed to break a photo frame which was on a high shelf by climbing up my bookcase and she did nothing. I thought that was bad enough but after they had left I go into my kitchen and find drawing all over my wall and white kitchen units! I have scrubbed and scrubbed but it won't come off. Its the last straw for me as there have been so many issues and things broken lately that my DS usually ends in tears.
I thought that maybe she was struggling with his behaviour so asked her how she was finding this stage as my DS is no angel and I've had a few 'lose my shit' moments but she just replied that it was exhausting but so much fun!
I asked what she did when ds didn't listen to her (as if asking for advice) and she just said she couldn't be bothered to carry on telling him as he doesn't listen anyway.
Obviously she doesn't know about my kitchen and I'm not quite sure how to tell her? And in all fairness I'm not even sure what the point would be as she probably won't do anything about it anyway.

I don't want to stop seeing her as I still think of her as a close friend but I just don't want them over here anymore! We will often meet at the park if the weather is OK but more often than not, it is raining and like I said we then alternate houses.

I had a friend like this. Fortunately her DS was 9 months older than my DD and started school before she did. We met up more often once he wasn't around.

She is a dear friend so I really don't want to lose her over this but we have only been friends since we both became parents so I only know her as a mum and unfortunately I am just struggling to see how she can let her DS behave like this.
I took pp advice and sent a pic of my kitchen with the caption..."think we should meet out and about for the foreseeable future" to which she did reply saying she was utterly embarrassed and sorry IF her ds had any part in it and agreed that we will meet at the park next week.
It's tainted our relationship a little even though I know her DS is still only young and these things will happen. It's just frustrating.
By the way I have taken to telling her DS off at mine when he has done the previously mentioned things but he just walks away from me as if he is not even listening. Not even as much as an OK I hear you type response.
Definitely just going to have to wait and see how the next couple of meets go.

Can you meet less often, but in evenings when the kids are in bed? I found during toddler year's, it was really difficult to observe and manage children's behaviour and have a full conversation (without interruption). Now the kids are older and they have made their own friendship groups, we can go out with the kids and it's great again!

I don't think you needed to send a photo. Could have just said 'would you mind meeting in the park as units were drawn on last week'

I had a friend with a child like this. We were very close and still are 14 years later. We stopped seeing them
for about 4 months at one point (kids aged 2 or 3). Just met in the evening which seemed to break the routines the kids had got into. I said that I found it stressful and felt too exhausted to deal with the aftermath. So didn't point the finger at her child. However I think friend knew it was her sons behaviour. Years later her son was diagnosed with high functioning ASD. We are all very close, the boys and mums. The destructiveness was just a stage.

I think you need to decide not to let it ruin your friendship. Still take steps to keep things manageable. Like wear them out completely outside (rain or shine) before giving them lunch in front of the telly while you have a coffee.

How would she feel about you telling her DS off? I have a small toddler and my friends DS is a boisterous loud 3.5yro and although he can be a darling he also enjoys running into my poor LO and snatching toys off her. His mum does discipline although doesn't stick to her guns with threats and he knows this. I asked how she would feel if I stepped in. I.e. he might listen as it's someone new etc. and tbh I just got fed up with my LO being barged around etc. Surprisingly she appreciates me stepping in and wishes her own family would do the same!

As you've said that she doesn't discipline perhaps you could say that it's confusing for your DS that you tell him off for climbing and damaging objects and yet her son gets away with it so would she mind you telling him the same...

Ah just seen that you do tell him off!